Damaged, Twenty Nine

Title: Damaged
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: R
Genre: Future AU, Drama, Angst

Summary: On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family. The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness. Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, pride, selfishness, and forgiveness.

Huge thanks to the magnificent Amy for her input and Kinmotsu for her support. Also I can never thank the wonderful souls who take the time to comment enough! Love you all!


Previous Chapters

They had gone out in the backyard but they had not stayed out long before Jae declared it was too cold and forced a resentful Yunho back inside. Yunho got his revenge by watching game after game on the television and refusing to be coaxed into taking a nap by Jae. Jae had finally given up and started returning some of the phone calls he had been ignoring.

A loud, “Fuck!” pulled Yunho’s attention away from the television as he saw a very peeved Jae on the phone. “Are you sure it has to be signed today…okay I understand…I know this isn’t good…They are just excited they are usually more discreet…I will take care of both problems,” Jae informed the person on the other line and hung up the phone.

“Trouble?” Yunho asked, blinking innocently. He had a good idea what one of the problems was.

“Fans outside your house took pictures of us leaving. They are all over the net. It is also widely known that you have not returned to your parent’s home or your apartment with Changmin,” Jae said, standing up looking more annoyed than worried.

“So? Can’t a friend give a friend a ride? It isn’t like I can drive?” Yunho asked, observing Jae.

“Of course but there’s lots of speculation since I have been missing in action a lot since your accident. I…”

“It wasn’t an accident. I got shot in the head by a psychotic fan.”

“I know that! I just don’t like to say it. I left America early without finishing the album or doing the promised shows and I have done that a lot.”

“You mean you have totally neglected your responsibilities regarding your career and your fans,” Yunho finished for him.

“You are more important to me than those things it’s just that…”

“You don’t want them to know that.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth. I can’t totally neglect JYJ. It’s important to show our commitment to each other hasn’t changed. I own stock in the company, if people think I am going to jump ship…”

“Oh, you could lose lots of money!” Yunho said, suddenly getting the complete picture and not liking it.

“Yeah, and also there are lots of Yunjae fans that had all but given up hope…and now their faith is renewed. They are not being discreet about their speculations,” Jae explained, as he headed for the bedroom.

Yunho stayed on the couch and contemplated about how exactly he felt about Jae’s reaction. It was the exact opposite of how Jae had acted at Clear Creek but this was the real world and also they only had friendship between them. Jae and Yunho’s views on money had always been very different. Jae valued money and the power it could bring him and things it could buy him…while quite frankly Yunho was happy collecting coins.

Maybe their boundaries weren’t as destroyed as Yunho had thought, maybe they were still in place, and Jae was slowly realizing he couldn’t throw everything away. Jae’s fear of the Yunjae fans made one thing clear…he was not ready to be openly homosexual anytime soon.

This only confirmed what Yunho had suspected when Jae had spoken to his mother. Yunho thanked his uncooperative body for not getting him in deeper because the thought of a life of lies made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

“What are you thinking?” Jae demanded, yanking Yunho from his thoughts. Jae was standing in front of him wearing his coat and his car keys were dangling in his hand.

“Are we leaving?” Yunho asked, shocked. “Just take me to Changmin.”

“I am not taking you to Changmin. I have to go sign something and be seen somewhere really fast…without you. My car flies and I will be back before you know it,” Jae explained, reaching down to run a hand through Yunho’s hair.

“Wow, I get a really long rope when money’s involved, don’t I?” Yunho told Jae, suddenly feeling unreasonable angry.

“Yunho…it’s not like that. This is for you too,” Jae sighed, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Yunho.

“Can you please leave already? You are blocking my view of the television,” Yunho snapped back at him.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I am thrilled. Please go and make more money it’s what you…” Yunho stopped suddenly before he crossed a line that a friend shouldn’t.

“It’s what?” Jae said, reaching out for Yunho’s hand but Yunho jerked it away from him.

Yunho darted his eyes away from Jae. “Just go.”

“I know this must seem so…”

“Like you are a big, fat liar! I can’t even use the bathroom without you waiting outside the door! I can’t even take a walk outside because it’s too cold. All I ever hear from you is how much you love me, but the minute money comes into the equation then it’s suddenly, ‘Bye Yunho! Try not to have a seizure while I’m gone.’ You are so full of shit!” Yunho told him with a glare to match his annoyance. “So please go! If money is what you love…” Yunho stopped suddenly when Jae slapped him.

“Don’t you ever say that or think that again,” Jae said, pointing at Yunho with tears in his eyes. “Do you think I want to leave you? I have risked losing everything for you and I would do it again. If I don’t stop these rumors now then they are going to get out of control. It isn’t just me this time. It’s you too. You have told me repeatedly that we are only friends…”

“Did you slap me?” Yunho said, barely hearing Jae’s words, too shocked that the other man had slapped him.

‘I barely touched you…there isn’t even a red spot.”

“I have never ever hit you,” Yunho said, still in shock. It was true that it didn’t hurt but still he couldn’t get over the shock of it.

“Should I have kissed you instead?” Jae asked, looking close to tears.

“No!” Yunho answered, as he really looked at Jae and instantly felt guilty. “I am a jerk. Go take care of your business.”

Jae fought back tears, and Yunho soon found himself engulfed in a tight hug. “I don’t know what to do. I have to show up and sign these papers or JYJ will suffer, and Yoochun and Junsu are still in America so they can’t handle it for me. If I don’t establish that I am not with you then you might suffer in the future for something that ended years ago that I can’t let go of...but you have.”

Yunho hugged him back. “It is okay, I have my jerk moments and you are so lucky to experience them all. It’s good that you can leave, that means you can go buy food and I don’t have to live on egg sandwiches.”

Jae breathed into Yunho’s neck. “You liked my egg sandwich.”

“Best lunch ever,” Yunho said, full of sarcasm. “It’s okay really. Go and be careful,” Yunho said, pushing Jae away from him.

“You have to agree to a couple things first,” Jae said, wiping his eyes.

“What?” Yunho asked in dread.

“You can’t leave the couch. I will put everything you might possibly need on the coffee table. If you need to pee let’s do it now.”

“I am good,” Yunho assured him, fighting the urge to snarl at the man.

“Okay,” Jae said, arranging things on the coffee table in front of Yunho. “You promise to not get up?”

“I promise.”

“Good. I am going to call you all the time…or we could just stay on the phone. It will be dark in an hour and I will be back shortly after that. Don’t answer the door…”

“I know you are not about to tell me not to answer the door for strangers!” Yunho said, laughing suddenly feeling like he was ten years old.

Jae looked a little embarrassed and smiled at him but the worry was still evident in his eyes. “No, I was going to tell you not to answer the door for anybody…because you are not getting off the couch while I am gone!”


**************


Yunho had fallen asleep soon after Jae had left. Jae had called him the minute he was out the door like a nervous mother afraid to leave her child home alone. Yunho had fallen asleep while on the phone with Jae. Yunho had needed a nap earlier in the day, but to annoy Jae he had refused to sleep. But once Jae was gone Yunho gave up the fight against his tiredness. Yunho’s peaceful sleep was ended when he felt sharp needles sticking into his chest.

“Ouch!” Yunho bellowed and opened his eyes to find a large grey cat sitting on his chest staring at him with cold black eyes. How the hell did a cat get in here? Yunho thought as he sat up. The cat slid down his abdomen and dug its claws in again to keep from falling off his chest. “Ouch!” Yunho yelped again as the cat clawed his sensitive stomach right where he had surgery weeks ago.

Yunho was fighting the instinct to knock the cat into the next room when Jae suddenly flew into the house panicked yelling for him. “Yunho!”

The cat looked at Jae and hissed and then jumped off Yunho and disappeared underneath the furniture. “How the hell did a cat get in here?” Yunho said, getting up to the side of the couch looking around for the mysterious cat.

“Thank God! I thought you were dying or something!” Jae said, bending over and placing his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

“No, but that evil…creature clawed my stomach. I think it was trying to reopen my wound,” Yunho said, looking under the couch to see if he could find the creature in question.

“What?” Jae said, instantly by Yunho’s side pushing him back on the couch pulling up his shirt.

Yunho stared up at Jae and didn’t bother to fight him off knowing it would be useless. “I can’t believe Maggie would own such an animal. She is such a nice person, why would she own such an animal? Did she warn you about it?” Jae, who was relieved only to find four small matching claw prints on Yunho’s stomach and chest, frowned suddenly. “Am I bleeding?” Yunho asked as he turned his head to watch the room for the cat.

“No,” Jae said, pulling Yunho’s shirt back down.

“You know cat scratches can be very dangerous and with my luck they will probably get infected,” Yunho complained, as he sat back up and eyed the room for the vicious animal.

“I will find some peroxide in a minute,” Jae told him, giving him an exaggerated eye roll. “You scared me to death,” Jae told him, as he reached out a hand and ruffled Yunho’s hair causing Yunho to give him a confused look. “I was still on the phone listening to you sleep and snore when you suddenly yelled out.”

“I do not snore.”

“Hmmff.”

“Since when?” Yunho asked, because if anybody knew it would be Jae.

“Well when you had pneumonia it was really bad but usually it isn’t bad. It’s just like a pant or something because you sleep with your mouth wide open,” Jae said, standing back up.

“Oh, but back to that cat…do you think it is wild and it sneaked in here?” Yunho asked bending back down to check underneath the couch to make sure the cat wasn’t sneaking up on him.

“Now, you are pissing me off,” Jae said, placing both hands on his hips staring down at Yunho, irritated.

“Huh?”

“Did you ever pay any attention to my life once I left Dong Bang Shin Ki?”

“I tried my best not to,” Yunho told him honestly.

“Yunho…” Jae said dangerously.

“Don’t get angry with me. You are the one that made sure I knew about all your exploits in Japan in the beginning. Forgive me if I am not a masochist.”

Jae took a deep breath. “I got better though, that was just my initial rage. I learned discretion.”

“Well, Changmin already had the rules in place by then. What does this have to do with the cat?” Yunho asked, suddenly curious.

“Changmin had rules? What rules?”

“You, Junsu, or Yoochun was never to be discussed in front of me. If you guys ever came on the television or if a song came on the radio, whoever was with me was to change the channel or distract me. Everybody around me knew the rules and followed the rules…because anybody with the sense God gave them knows better than to cross Changmin. He monitored my Internet usage too,” Yunho said laughing, when he remembered how overprotective the maknae had been of him.

“You allowed that?” Jae said, sitting down on the couch beside Yunho.

“I found it amusing at first, but then I realized everything was so much better that way. Of course when we had our comeback I couldn’t escape you guys completely since reporters were always getting past Changmin or the managers to ask me about you…and I just got all sad, depressed, and lonely again, so it just proved how right Changmin was.”

“I always thought…hoped you were secretly following me on Twitter,” Jae said sadly, when he realized that hope had been in vain.

“Nope. I knew you guys had Twitter because every time you three so subtly or not so subtly attacked us everybody was sure to show me,” Yunho said in a voice without any real bitterness, only acceptance of things he couldn’t change.

“I once asked you to call me. Why didn’t you?” Jae asked sadly, taking Yunho’s hand.

“No, you didn’t. You just wanted me to look cowardly and weak in front of the fans. If you really wanted me to call you…you would have found a way to do it privately.”

“Don’t make me slap you again,” Jae said, his eyes narrowing. “I just wanted contact with you. There were too many people between us…I couldn’t reach you if I tried. I wanted to go directly to the source. You have no idea how hard it was for me then. The anger was dissipating…I would see you on television and sometimes you would look fantastic and other times you looked as if you had aged a hundred years. You would do articles and say how lonely you were…and I was so lonely too. No matter how many friends I had they could never fill the void that you once filled. I looked at the world we had created with beloved fans at each others’ throats and I honestly felt suicidal at times.”

Yunho closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around Jae and pulled him closer. “I didn’t know. In the very beginning everything you did I took as being fake…a ploy for fan support. A way for you three to look like the innocent victims fighting the good cause, and us the two cowards too afraid to join you. I mean that was what I was told repeatedly by the people around me.”

“You shouldn’t have believed them,” Jae said, leaning into Yunho.

“You three had already tricked me. You didn’t make it easy to think the best of you. You would cry on stage but then you would make sure I knew you fucked half of Japan,” Yunho explained to him.

Jae reached up and placed a hand under Yunho’s chin turning his face till they were facing each other, “Those tears were real. They were always real. Nothing I did could ever stop them from coming because nothing I ever did could erase you from my heart. I wish to God you had called me. I missed you so much.”

Yunho nodded his head in agreement still maintaining eye contact with Jae. “Me too.” Yunho swallowed nervously as Jae’s mouth moved closer but he didn’t pull away.

Jae’s heart flip flopped in joy as he saw the look in Yunho’s eyes and knew this kiss would not be rejected. Jae closed his eyes and leaned in for the kiss when the sound of things falling off the coffee table made Yunho pull away from him.

“It’s back. I think it’s looking at me!” Yunho said, the near kiss forgotten as he stared back at the cat sitting on the coffee table looking at him.

“Jiji, I will fucking kill you!” Jae yelled at the cat for interrupting the kiss. The cat didn’t even bother glancing at him.

“You know this cat?” Yunho asked shocked as he looked back at the cat that seemed to be studying him intently.

“It’s my cat! I have had the cat for years. Kids in third world countries know this is my cat!” Jae said, eyeing the cat hatefully. The cat finally turned to look at Jae and hissed.

Yunho laughed, “He doesn’t seem like he likes you very much.”

“He is upset with me. He thinks I abandoned him…which I kinda did.”

“Poor kitty,” Yunho said, reaching out cautiously to pet the cat.

“Poor kitty,” Jae repeated back to Yunho, “I did it to be with you.”

“I don’t think he is holding it against me,” Yunho said, smiling at the cat as it rubbed itself into Yunho’s touch, purring. “I was so wrong about you. Poor kitty, did he abandon you? He abandoned me once, too.”




***************



Jae had felt jealousy before regarding his feline pet when fans ignored Jae to send countless gifts to JiJi, but that was nothing compared to the bitterness in his stomach now.

Yunho was acting like the almost kiss had never happened at all. He was delighting in the cat that couldn’t get enough of him. JiJi was literally all over Yunho. The cat that had stayed with all his sisters making their lives hell for the last year was purring contently on his back as Yunho rubbed his belly. “If I wasn’t afraid it would leak out on the Internet I would take a picture and send it to my sisters.”

“Of me?” Yunho asked as he popped a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Yunho was stretched out on the couch stuffing his face with popcorn, watching television, and spoiling Jiji with love and affection.

“You and Jiji. I don’t think you realize what a horror he has been. I had to bribe my family to watch him. It took me an hour to catch him yesterday. He has peed on people’s pillows, he has clawed and bit my nieces and nephews, he has destroyed furniture and clothing, and more things than I can list.”

Yunho scratched under Jiji’s chin, “You abandoned him, what do you Expect? Poor thing.”

“I abandoned him to be with you.”

“Abandonment is still abandonment no matter how altruistic the reasons,” Yunho said sitting up. Yunho felt very tired, his nap was not nearly long enough. He still had not caught up on sleep since leaving the hospital. “Jiji, where are we going to sleep tonight?”

Jae, who had been slouched down in the chair beside the couch, instantly sat up. “What do you mean where are you going to sleep? You are going to sleep with me.”

Yunho snorted. “I don’t think so.”

“Why? Are you afraid because we almost kissed?” Jae said, licking his lips, wanting to get another chance. He was suddenly hard just thinking about where one kiss could lead to.

“I don’t know what you are talking about because I didn’t almost kiss anybody.”

“Yunho, I wasn’t imagining it,” Jae said, digging his fingernails into the side of the chair.

“You were about to molest me again till this sweet, perfect kitty saved me. Thank you so much, Jiji,” Yunho said, rubbing his nose up against Jiji’s face.

“Yunho, I am not letting you sleep without me nearby,” Jae informed him, as he watched Yunho stand up and grab his cane.

“Oh please. You can run off to the city but I can’t sleep in a spare bedroom. I think you might be bonkers,” Yunho told him.

“You made me bonkers,” Jae told him, as he slapped Yunho on the ass as the other man walked past him.

“You are just slap happy today aren’t you?” Yunho said, stopping to glare at Jae.

“I’d make it up to you, but you are too damn cowardly,” Jae said, eyeing Yunho hungrily.

“I wouldn’t say cowardly…I would say not interested,” Yunho scoffed, as he moved toward the rooms he assumed were other bedrooms with Jiji happily following along wagging his tail. “Jiji, be careful, don’t trip me.”

“Yes, evil cat don’t trip him. I would hate to have to make cat casserole out of you,” Jae grumbled, getting up to follow Yunho.

Jiji appeared to have understood Yunho because he had dropped a safe distance behind Yunho but still followed along. “Don’t listen to his mean threats, Jiji. He doesn’t remember how to cook anymore.”

“I made you egg sandwiches!”

“For lunch and dinner. I thought you were going to stop and get take out or something,” Yunho said, opening a door to find an empty room devoid of any furniture.

“I was a nervous wreck leaving you here alone! I drove 200mph in some places! Did you really think I would stop and get take out?” Jae retorted, but couldn’t help but smile at the empty room.

“Empty?” Yunho said, turning to cast a suspicious look at Jae.

“It’s not my house.”

“I guess not…” Yunho admitted, as he walked farther down the hall and opened another door to find another empty room. Yunho frowned and walked farther down the hall and found another room that turned out to be a bathroom.

“Maybe she just rents it out to couples so there is only a need for one bedroom.”

“Hmm…how unfortunate for me if that is indeed the case since we are not a couple,” Yunho said, moving to the next door and opening it. His mouth fell open as he saw all kinds of exercise equipment…the same exact exercise equipment he used with his physical therapy.

“Well isn’t this convenient?” Jae said, trying hard to keep the smugness out of his voice.

Yunho turned on Jae angrily. “Convenient my ass! You seriously had the other rooms emptied so I would have no choice but to sleep with you in the master bedroom?”

Jae tried to smile innocently. “That would be…”

“Manipulative and twisted - two things you fucking excel at I might add,” Yunho said, slamming the door shut and storming down the hall barely using his cane.

“I don’t know why you are so angry? Are you that afraid of sharing a bed with me?” Jae said smiling madly, because if Yunho was this angry that meant he was scared. Scared of what would happen if he slept with Jae again.

“Shut up!” Yunho yelled back at him as he flung a closet door open in the hall and then slammed it shut.

“No, I won’t. It is stupid to fight how you feel. It’s just the two of us here. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I promise. I will do anything to make you happy,” Jae said, as he followed Yunho down the hall.

“Really? Can you have the furniture returned then?”

“Well except that,” Jae said, smiling as he followed Yunho back into the master bedroom.

Yunho stopped and turned to Jae, his face red. “I just want you to know that I know you are full of shit. This was never about spending time with me…this was about sex. It’s always been about sex with you.”

Jae’s smile faded instantly. “What’s wrong with that? I love you and I want to have sex with you!”

Yunho laughed bitterly. “So you admit it.”

“Yes, I admit it!” Jae confessed, causing Yunho to shake his head sadly in disappointment at the other man’s obvious disrespect for their boundaries. “Don’t look at me like that. We are fucking men…men are supposed to like sex! It wasn’t the only reason but it’s a very important reason. You know how much I love you.”

“You love me so much that you don’t give a damn how I feel. Don’t say you love me because if it was really love than you could be my friend without all these games. I love you…what you feel toward me…it is love but it is also obsessive and sick,” Yunho said, opening the door to the closet and sighing in relief as he saw a pile of blankets.

“Obsessive and sick, really? Well I would rather be that than cowardly and in denial. You used to be so manly…and now you’re like some woman who is too afraid to take a chance. Can’t you just be a man for one night?”

Yunho grabbed blankets from the closet and stuffed them under his left arm, trying to control his temper that was about to spin out of control. When he turned back around he was practically seething. “This woman is five seconds away from calling Changmin to come and get her. My phone has GPS and he knows exactly where I am. I was wrong to think we could ever be friends…everybody warned me, but I wanted to believe in you so badly.”

Jae blinked, suddenly realizing his error. Jae took a step back knowing that if Yunho left now then everything they had worked so hard to rebuild would be at risk.

Yunho passed Jae as he walked out of the room and paused. “Am I cowardly…yes? Am I in denial…no. I would be with you if I could be…even though I know how disastrous it would be, but I am not so deluded to think that would stop me.”

“What is stopping you?” Jae asked gently, afraid to anger Yunho more and risk him calling Changmin.

“When you touch me…I just feel sick in my soul. I might be able to escape that feeling for second or a minute but it always comes back to me,” Yunho said, as he laid the blankets down on the floor in the living room in front of the fireplace.

“Sick in your soul?” Jae repeated as if he had been hit.

Yunho sat on the floor and looked up at Jae. “Even when I was dying and I knew for certain that I loved you as much as I always had…I knew there was an invisible barrier between us that would never allow us to be lovers again.”

Jae moved closer and sat on the coffee table looking down at Yunho. “But what caused it? I don’t want there to be barriers between us…I don’t want my touch to make you feel sick.”

“I am not for sure, but it’s there and no matter how much we love each other we can’t break through it. I don’t know if it is a collection of all my regrets, my shame, my hurt, my losses or my lack of trust in you. I just know it’s there always in the way. All I can offer you is some insane friendship that is much more than friendship and that’s enough for me, but I don’t think it will ever be enough for you. I know this isn’t fair to you.”

Yunho looked up at Jae expecting a look of sympathy, but instead he got a look full of scorn causing him to do a double take as the other man opened up his mouth to say his piece. “Bullshit. I think your moobs were breasts all along! You can sit here and pretend you’re the heroine in some cheesy romance novel that was wronged or you can get your ass up and join me in that bedroom. I will take care of any barriers between us.”

Yunho blinked in shock, completely speechless. Jae stood up and headed towards the bedroom. “I know you’re too gutless to join me, so I am going to bed. You can fix your own pallet and take care of yourself,” Jae told him, and then slammed the door shut.

Yunho’s mouth fell open and he automatically reached for his phone in his pocket. “To hell with this.”

The door flew back open and Jae stepped out. “Don’t make me wrestle you for that damn phone either because we both know I will win.”

“Now I can’t make phone calls?” Yunho seethed in anger.

“Not Changmin…not to come and get you,” Jae said, folding his arms and glaring down at Yunho.

“Why the fuck do you care?”

“God!” Jae growled. “Seriously? You are asking me why the fuck I care?”

“I assure you I will not be joining you in that bedroom or anywhere else so why the fuck do you care if I am here or not?” Yunho screamed at him, hating how weak and pathetic Jae made him feel.

Jae’s eyes widened. “I admit that I am a horny asshole right now, but I do love you and want you with me even if you insist on living like a fucking nun!”

“What if I don’t want to be with you?” Yunho asked him, still pissed about being called a woman and now a nun too.

“I am going to bed before I say things I can’t take back…but you need to promise me you won’t call Changmin, or I will take that phone and flush it down the toilet.”

“I think you have already said things you can’t take back! And here I thought you only did things you couldn’t take back? Too bad Junsu and Yoochun aren’t here! You could put on another show for me!” Yunho snapped back at him, loving it when he saw Jae flinch.

Jae closed his eyes and pressed his lips together and didn’t say anything for a minute. “I need your word Yunho that you won’t call Changmin.”

“I will not ask him to come and get me, but I will call him. He is my truest friend in this life. I am so glad you reminded me of that tonight!” Yunho told Jae. Yunho was annoyed when the words seemed to have no effect on Jae.

“As long as you are here when I get up then you can call your truest friend all you want,” Jae said, walking into the room and before closing the door he turned back to Yunho. “If you want to come in here and prove to me that you are still a man, the door is not locked.”

Yunho was steaming mad as he watched the door shut. He had to fight the urge not to find Jae’s keys and drive off…but the thought of the harm he could do to other people stopped him. Yunho crawled on all fours as he made out the pallet on the floor. If he called Changmin and told him what happened he wouldn’t have to ask Changmin to come get him. Changmin would offer to come and get him, and then screw Jae. Jae could go back to his filthy lifestyle and Yunho could get his life back in order.

Yunho laid down on the blankets and cursed Jae. Cursed him for being a sneaky bastard always obsessed with sex, but Yunho’s subconscious whispered that Jae had always been like that especially when he had been deprived. Jae’s need for sex had been one of his best qualities when they had been young lovers so long ago. The man was never truly satisfied unless Yunho was deep…. “I can’t think like that.”

Yunho turned over onto his belly and considered calling his sister. She would come and get him, and Jae hadn’t said he couldn’t call her. In fact Yunho had hundreds of friends that would be more than willing to come and get him. Yunho’s fuming was interrupted when Jiji was suddenly beside him rubbing his face against Yunho’s. “Did we scare you? I am sorry,” Yunho said, rolling back on his back as Jiji climbed on top of him. “Don’t worry, Jiji. If I leave I will take you with me.” Jiji purred in approval.

“Comparing me to a woman, saying I have breasts….a heroine from a cheesy romance novel,” Yunho repeated back to himself. The words hit too close to home and Yunho was hurt more than he thought possible. The pride he knew he should do away with was reeling from Jae’s words. The dependence that Yunho had been forced to show others had taken a sledge hammer to his masculinity. “I should leave right now…but what becomes of us if I leave now? Will we ever be given another chance to fix this? I should sleep and then decide,” Yunho muttered to himself as his eyes closed. “Yes, I’ll sleep first, and then decide…just a little nap,” Yunho muttered, not bothering to cover up as he drifted off to sleep with Jiji lying on his chest purring contentedly.
  • Current Mood: calm calm
  • Current Music: Miserable by Lit
JIJI, I WILL FUCKING SKIN YOU ALIVE!!!
you interrupted the yunjaeness... dang!
yunho was about to give in too. ;_______________;
and *gasp* you're actually nice to yun?!
loled at the part where jae schemed on emptying the whole house except for a few "necessities".
haha. so sneaky! but too bad they ended up having a big argument in the end though.
i can't even tell who is right on this one. thanks for the update. :DDD

Edited at 2011-03-06 04:34 am (UTC)
Man, just so many obstacles... it seems repetitive, but at the same time, when I think about it, it feels like that for a reason. Its something yunho and jae cant just "get over" because its so deeply rooted in yunho. its his pride, masculinity, his vulnerability, his conflicts, his soul, and just everything. jae just is so blinded for his love for yunho, it feels like he forgets what he did before and jae feels like they need to have sex to really make a... a.... whats the word for it. to make something change...
but thinking about from this way, jae wants to have sex to see if anything changes, because of course, making love is like the last step to a relationship before marriage (O_O IDK That's what i think jae believes) and if that doesnt work, jae and yunho have to stay friends.
and yunho, he's afraid if they do it, they will really end up together, and that's just fucked up. (in his logical mind)
I think its rather odd too, if they ended up together. but if they arent together... that's also odd. well, whatever happens, it'll be acceptable.
Great chapter as always~ and hey, im 2nd. wow. O__~
Yunho... jesus. He is so... winy? Just LMAO! Ya, Jung Yunho, Kim Jaejoong is making you look like a woman... show him you are still a man, dammit! >:D The door is unlock for you. I just love it when this two bicker over small stuff. It's epic xD. WAE U TEASE US LIKE THIS? Damn cat! They almost kissed. Aish! ;-; And Jaejoong's boldness :D Yunho is just in denial and since his lower part is working again... I hope he does go to bed... or something to relieve this tension!

/cries. Gosh! Now I have to wait 5 more days... Dx
OMG I can't believe JJ slapped YH! JJ! for real? I guess it was the missing part of all this drama! keke
Ahah JiJi is a superstar! now he even has a role in fanfics! XD awesome idea
can't wait to read more, thanks so much for updating!
i don't know what to feel anymore =(...
Yunho was damn stubborn. They both hurt each other the moment they are alone. At times they are sweet but most of the time they are arguing... =/ guess, they better be off with someone else but that would just make the heartache even worse...o.O
Awe, it's a mess I must agree..........but progress is being made I promise.

Thanks bunches for reading and commenting!
Oh boy Jae really knows how to fuck up a damn good situation. If he had let things take it's natural course and slowly teased Yunho he would have Yunho in his bed being fucked 69 ways to heaven or hell lol but Jae is and always be an idiot. His love is so intense to the point where it can be burdensome. I know he said it hoping Yunho would become enraged and prove to him and himself that he was a man but I wonder JAe knows how much his words hurt Yunho, his pride and his self esteem? I honestly dont want Yunho to go to him right now simply because Jae was even more of an ass than he usually is to Yunho. I like how you worked real life drama into this story by mentioning the twitter and some of the issues surrounding the things they have said and how it was interpreted.

“It’s my cat! I have had the cat for years. Kids in third world countries know this is my cat!” Jae said, eyeing the cat hatefully. The cat finally turned to look at Jae and hissed.

I laughed so hard at the line and then went oh wait my country is considered by some as third world :O they are talking about me >=O XD!
Yunho he would have Yunho in his bed being fucked 69 ways to heaven or hell

OMFG. EPIC. EPIC. LMAO!
Yunho needs to ManUp and see the writing on the unlocked door,He is a fool to be wasting time in hate and jealousy because he saw Jae fucking Junsu.Get over it.Yunho I am sure is no innocent,as for Changmin he guards Yunho just a little too hard ( wanting more than he can have maybe?) Please continue,Blessed Be
intense...wah. As soon as I saw an update, I put all the things I was doing on hold to read this lol.
well now in this moment even tho I love YunJae like hell and would cut my hand before seeing them breaking up somehow in this FF I wish they would just let go... even if Jaejoong would go and die coz of this coz really I think even death would be better then this "situation" they are in and all the mess around... on another hand it seems it would be cowardly to just give up after trying to fix things between them... I admit Jaejoong was wanting to much and to quickly before but after so many months of trying being "friends" I think he deserve much nicer treatment from Yunho who knows that JJ really would not do anything to make him "sick in the soul" again *siiigh*
I would say he is worse then a girl that has period >.> He is so moody... it's really hard to make him feel satisfied and compared to JJ's "very well known possessiveness" it's really getting annoying >.> And please did he really think JJ will suddenly stop thinking about sex just coz they are "friends" now? Jaejoong is declaring his love to Yunho 10 times a day so of course he will think about sex but it not mean he will just go and do it with Yunho coz he feels like it >.> Didn't he prove already he can control more or less those feelings and be caring even tho being so near Yunho and not having him completely is really killing him every minute and every second?
It's actually Yunho that has problems coz he don't know if he will be able to control his feelings and what will happen or what will he do when he will let those feelings control him... it's like he was when he was scared and gave up on JJ coz of his father *siigh* I am not surprised by the outburst of JJ and calling Yunho a woman coz really there is a limit to being so undecided >.> By being that way he is just making both of them hurt even more... Just declare if You want to be just friends and nothing more or lovers coz there can't be "a little more then friends" as it makes things more complicated and worse... can't he see they are just arguing most of the time coz of this? It's like they are hanging on in the middle of a cross roads and Yunho's inability to make a choice is tiring them both and if he will not make a decision soon he will really lose love of Jaejoong... or so I think xD

PS: Thank You bb for all Your hard work like always~! *huggles* And sorry for making this comment so long but Yunho's attitude make me so mad already *pouts* I don't like to be left hanging on for too long and I think JJ feels the same right now lol I just want Yun to make a choice so we really all can go on forward with our lives~! xD
Jae's taunting words about Yunho's moobs is way worse than the slap, IMO. Reverse psychology doesn't work all the time, you alcoholic... ahem. Jiji, your sudden appearance is so cute, I hope you continue to make things hard for Jae LOL! I was feeling warm and fuzzy about YJ just last week and then I had to find out something last night that just spoiled everything to me all over again. It seems that my feelings about your story is greatly affected by what happens IRL, I just can't help it.
I think everybody or almost everybody brings their real life feelings into this story. Some bring the love they feel for both, and sometimes some bring some hate with them too.

I want 32 back!

Well I don't know how much more of this I can take!! Gdi!! Jae gets a chance to get some physical contact and then either gets it taken away from him or gets his little heart broken afterwards!! GAAHHH!!

The man was never truly satisfied unless Yunho was deep…. “I can’t think like that.”

MOTHER FREAKER! Yes, think like that! Gdi finish that friggin thought, Yunho! For the love of God, finish that thought!!! LOL *pulls hair out* THIS IS ME, FRUSTRATED BEYOND BELIEF. I've almost decided that Jae just needs to rape Yunho in his sleep or something and have him wake up to being buried in Jae like he knows he wants!! Bahahaha! Ugh, I'm so evil when I'm frustrated...

Well, I honestly don't see how Jae can continue to keep himself looking so awesomely perfect after all of the stress he goes through dealing with his managers and JYJ people and Yunho...and now Jiji. lolz I especially enjoyed the comment: "Kids in third world countries know this is my cat!” HAHAHA NO JOKE.

Yay for updates! And I actually got off my ass and into the right chapter to get a spot!! *cheers* Granted, it's not as awesome as Sara's spots, but still. <3

Thus concludes this session of the Damaged fanclub's 29th chapter meeting. xD Well, after Sara's comment, of course~ &hearts chu bb! *hugs*
oh~ just spotted your update..
ohhhh~ I'll read tomorrow as soon as I come back from work.. awwwe it's 4:00 am now.. gotta go have a couple of hours of sleep..:((
awwwe... why Yun is doing that?! he is broken from the past he faced but yet he knows how jae loves him... huuh!

Jiji is so cool purring on Yun's touch.. she likes him already as her master does... :)

Jae is so sneaky emptyimg all the other rooms.. :)
but still very concerned of yun's needs for preparing that room with the exercise equipment..

Yun just don't fight and let go of your true feelings.. and Jae please be patient you both love each others..

thanks for the update..<333
i didn't kno you stopped posting this to communities! i suddenly thought of this think and wondered where it went. haha, so i had 6 chapters to catch up on..

sigh... i feel like we're taking 10 steps backwards with yunjae now :( i thot things were going so well... not looking so good now..
I got so lazy that I stopped posting at the communities. I know I should start again.

My Yunjae tug of war, always.

Thanks for catching back up!
So the Great Master Jiji had appeared. XD
Their constant bickering, I find it amusing. It feels like it's some kind of a beginning of a comfortable relationship..
***“I once asked you to call me. Why didn’t you?” Jae asked sadly, taking Yunho’s hand. <-- didn't you talk about this in twitter months ago?

***“It’s back. I think it’s looking at me!” Yunho said, the near kiss forgotten as he stared back at the cat sitting on the coffee table looking at him.

“Jiji, I will fucking kill you!” Jae yelled at the cat for interrupting the kiss. The cat didn’t even bother glancing at him.

“You know this cat?” Yunho asked shocked as he looked back at the cat that seemed to be studying him intently.

“It’s my cat! I have had the cat for years. Kids in third world countries know this is my cat!” Jae said, eyeing the cat hatefully. The cat finally turned to look at Jae and hissed. <-- LOLOLOL i love cats, and this one's ADORBS. XD but you can't just rub a cat's belly! it'll scratch and/or bite you! i learned my lesson when i tried that!

wow. i can't decide about what to feel about this chapter. seems like their issues are never resolved unless they just do IT. XD and yunho is so bent on proving that much skinship is bad for both of them. but sometimes i just want to flick their foreheads or smack the back of their heads for being so damn frustrating. -_-

<3
Why is Yunho so--ah I know he's been hurt physically/mentally/emotionally but gosh, I wish he won't let his anger get the better of him and see how much Jae sacrifices for him too.

Uggghhh, both YJ frustrates me to no end! TT_TT
Jiji's osm though.
He isn't so much angry as his man moobs are being pissy. lol

I am a bad to frustrate my YJ loving readers.:( How will I ever make it up to you?

Thanks for reading and commenting!
ARRGGGHHHHHH! i want them back together SO badly! yunho, you better REALLY start appreciatin jae more! (though i like to see a suffering jae too....) LOL

thanks for the update! :)
Omg they need to stop continually fighting like this they are gonna destroy their friendship next.
He does have brain damage.:( He did lose a year of his life. My poor Yunho it's not easy for him.

Oh, that feels like a story idea I once tried to get my friend Sariah to write. She wouldn't hag! I might have to do it in my new Sci Fi crack story if I ever write it.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
New update!!!!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥
this chapter is too good ... from the appearance of Jiji
to the uncertainties faced by our protagonists,
hurtful words, painful ....exposing its greatest weaknesses.......
I feel sad for the situation they are going.....
I want things to get fixed .... but I see far away ....

Once again thanks for writing such a wonderful story
has really impressed me... ♥ ♥ ♥
continue like this ... ♥ ♥ ♥
anxiously awaiting the next chapter ....
I like your comment!

They are both the protagonists! I'm glad you noted this because I think that has escaped some.

Thank you very much for commenting!