Damaged, Chapter Three

Title: Damaged
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: R
Genre: Future AU, Drama, Angst
Length: Chapters
Beta:  Motty123

Summary: On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family. The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness. Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, pride, selfishness, and forgiveness.

Previous Chapters

Special thanks to Amy and Kinmotsu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yunho awoke with the sun beaming down on him and Jae pressed against his left side. This was the day the real recovery started, and he found that he was eager to begin his day.

He told himself he wasn’t going to focus on Jae or the reason behind the man’s presence. If Jae really wanted the best for him then his help would be much appreciated. Yunho’s number one goal was to walk again and nothing could get in the way of that, nothing.

He laid there imagining the journey in front of him and how wonderful it would be to surprise all of his loved ones…the world. He would not be a tragic figure always tied to a bed.

When the housekeeper entered the room that morning, he greeted her with a big lopsided smile.

“Why Handsome, is that the rudiments of a smile I see?” she asked him as she smiled back and walked closer to his bed.

“Yes,” Yunho said, shaking his head. He was glad that he could show a smile, even a small one. It was only a small, broken smile, but it meant so much more to him then all the others that had come before it.

“Why so happy?” she asked him as she started dusting.

“Will walk. Walk again. Me,” he told her happily as he felt Jae snuggle closer to him.

“Handsome, I do believe you. You are the master at making doctors eat their grim diagnoses, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” Yunho was delighted at how easy the words were coming out this morning, although he wasn’t going to push it with long sentences.

“Sleep…longer,” Jae moaned as he tightened his grip on Yunho.

“Is that one there,” she said pointing to Jae, “in on the secret or is he still in his stupor and oblivious to the fact that you are talking?”

“Knows,” Yunho told her as he watched Jae pull up slowly and grace him with a big smile before he turned his focus on the housekeeper.

“You know?” Jae asked disbelievingly as he pulled himself into a sitting position without getting out of bed.

“Handsome, I will see you later. Be careful of that one,” she told Yunho, not bothering Jae with even a glance.

Yunho couldn’t help but look up at Jae all bright eyed with wonder, it was not often that he was ignored instead of totally adored.

Jae looked down at him shaking his head. “She hates me.”

“Why?” Yunho asked curiously, he actually liked the housekeeper a lot.

“Were you this bright eyed yesterday? How did I not notice immediately?” Jae asked, unable to keep a hand from reaching out to trace Yunho’s face.

“Asleep,” Yunho told him, annoyed as he turned away, trying to escape Jae’s touch.

“Be still or I will kiss you,” Jae warned, and he couldn’t help but laugh as Yunho went suddenly still. “I was sleeping the day away when my Yunho was awake, calculating how he was going to hide away from me.”

“Yes,” Yunho said, not daring to move his face.

“I won’t kiss you,” Jae told him as he let go of the other man’s face.

“Why?” Yunho asked, still wanting to know why the housekeeper didn’t like Jae.

“Well it would be hard to explain if somebody walked in,” Jae teased as Yunho narrowed his eyes at him. “You know that tube that’s in a very…delicate spot?”

Yunho nodded his head. How could he forget that? Every minute that he was awake he had to remind himself not to rip it out. He hated the tube and it must have shown on his face.

“No, the tube is a good thing,” Jae insisted. The look of outrage on Yunho’s face caused Jae to laugh. “Believe me, it’s a very good thing.”

Yunho’s eyes narrowed at Jae again. It was easy for him to say there wasn’t a big tube stuck up his penis.

“Ouch! That look hurts. I promise if I were into golden showers it would have been with you, but waking up and finding that I’ve been pissed on just doesn’t do it for me. We like the tube, the tube is our friend,” Jae told him, squinting at the awful memory.

“Oh…” Yunho suddenly felt so shamed… was sorry enough? It didn’t seem to be enough for peeing on somebody. “Sorry. I sor...”

Yunho’s apology wasn’t cut short not by his limited speaking ability for once but instead by the fact that Jae had bent down and kissed him on the lips, quieting him quickly.

“Don’t even think about apologizing,” Jae told him as he pulled back from the kiss.

Yunho just glared at him. Even if he had peed on the man, that was uncalled for. Yunho had made the decision a long time ago to end such things with Jae. Jae was being cruel to take advantage of him in his pathetic shape.

“I’m sorry! It was innocent!” Jae said, getting up from the bed. “I just couldn’t resist. I will try harder to resist, but if you start apologizing you are fair game.”

“Bad,” Yunho told him, frowning. “Howskep…she knows.”

“Maggie the housekeeper knows no such thing. She disliked me for a very stupid reason,” Jae told him as he turned and grabbed his phone that had been lying on the dresser top.

“Why?” Yunho persisted but he was watching Jae as he turned on his phone. He hadn’t even noticed Jae with a phone all day yesterday and that realization startled him. Jae was never without one of his many phones, never.

“Well, that tube you hate so much is hooked to a bag that is full of all your piss. One night they had it on the left side of your bed. I always sleep on the left side and I can’t very well lay on that tube so I moved it to the right side. I guess I opened it without knowing it and it went all over the floor. She disliked me ever since because she had to clean it up,” Jae told him, not looking at Yunho but frowning at his phone instead.

Yunho suddenly felt terribly guilty that Maggie had to clean up his mess. She was really old and he shouldn’t make her job harder. “Oh…”

“Go ahead, say you are sorry. Just know I am totally slipping you the tongue the next time,” Jae told him as he put his phone back down, smiling at Yunho who suddenly looked speechless. “I think it’s time we share the good news.”


“This is great! This is fantastic! Not only are we going to walk but we are going to run!” the Physical Therapist who was a tiny little white man named Bill told Yunho as he pumped his fist in the air. “This is going to be the greatest comeback since Buffalo came back and defeated Oilers in 1993!”

“Oh kay!” Yunho slurred out. He was ready to walk… no, he was ready to run. He admired Bill’s enthusiasm and he wanted to take full advantage of it.

“Back to those leg exercises, then!” Bill said, grabbing Yunho’s left leg. “Now push me away!”

Jae, who was sitting in the back of the exercise room with another patient’s wife, asked, “Buffalo? Oilers? What the hell is he talking about?”

She tilted her head at Jae. “Who knows…he’s an American.”

“He’s good though, right?” Jae asked her as she watched Yunho and Bill instead of her husband who was working with one of Bill’s assistants on an exercise bike on the other side of the room.

“He’s fantastic. My husband couldn’t even sit up and now he’s walking up to a fifty feet a day.”

“Good. Before, Yunho wasn’t actually in physical therapy to get better, it was just to maintain his body. We never had to deal with Bill or his assistants before,” Jae told her, never taking his eyes off Yunho who was sweating but seemed very determined.

“It was all over the facility yesterday how he had just come back to his senses. Then all the staff was hunting us down, asking that we keep it quiet as per his wishes. I think everybody is on his side, and if he wants to wait to tell his family, more power to him,” she told Jae but was smiling at Yunho.

“He really appreciates it. He is very proud and he is determined to greet them while standing on his own,” Jae told her, but his anxiety was growing as he watched Yunho grow more and more tired.

“How he took that bullet for that boy… I was watching it live on television. He never hesitated for a second…not many people have the pure instinct to save another at the cost of their own life,” she told Jae, her admiration for Yunho obvious in her voice. She looked away from Yunho to look at Jae who looked deeply troubled. “Are you okay?”

“No, I mean yes. I’m just worried about him. Yesterday there were so many tests and today they have worked him so hard. I just think they are pushing it with him,” Jae said, standing up about to intervene, when Bill called for one of his assistants to help Yunho back to his room.

She smiled at him. “You worry too much for your friend. He’s no ordinary man, he can handle it.”

“Oh, I know. It was nice talking to you again Mrs. Ryu,” Jae said as he walked off to join Yunho.


Yunho eyed his dinner angrily. “Crrraaapppp.”

Jae who was sitting at the chair beside the bed eating a sandwich the kitchen had sent him rolled his eyes. “Don’t make me feed you. You heard the nutritionist. They are slowly going to advance your diet.”

Yunho didn’t respond. He was tired and his speech was a hundred times worse when he was tired…well not a hundred times worse because it really couldn’t be a hundred times worse. He pondered all this as he eyed Jae’s sandwich longingly.

“That puppy dog look isn’t going to work on me. About four months ago you were still on your feeding tube and they thought they should try weaning you off of it. You were doing great without it until one morning when you choked. You turned blue, Bong Cha had to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on you and Hana was offering me sedatives because I was freaking out,” Jae said as shivered all over, recalling the unpleasant memory.

Yunho looked at his food suspiciously now. Death by this awful food would be a humiliating ending to an already tragic tale. He dropped his spoon and decided he was full after all.

“No,” Jae said, getting up from the chair. “That’s me projecting my fear on you. It turned out that the night nurses had given you an extra sleeping pill and you were just too sleepy to eat. You passed every swallowing test there is with flying colors.”

Yunho tried to push away how touched he was about how much Jae appeared to care. He couldn’t allow himself to get tangled up in Jae’s complex emotions when it involved him though, danger lay down that path.

“Here,” Jae said, pulling off a piece of his bread from his sandwich and put it in Yunho’s mouth. Yunho took it eagerly. “You seem to have forgotten about the fit you threw yesterday about feeding yourself.”

“Irrred,” Yunho said, leaning his head back against the chair.

“I know, but it’s going to be worth it,” Jae told him as he broke off pieces of his sandwich and continued to feed Yunho.

“Jae, you are a brave man. Bill will come after you with baseball bat,” Hana said as she entered the room with Bong Cha.

“Excuse me,” Jae said, turning around, feeling annoyed if some man thought he was going to tell him how to treat Yunho.

“Physical Therapists are big on making the patient do for themselves,” Bong Cha explained as she moved the dinner tray away but took off the protein drink and handed it to Yunho. “You have to drink this.”

Yunho nodded and held it himself with his left hand and started drinking from it. He knew better then to mess with Bong Cha.

“Your charms won’t work on Bill. He is like crazy obsessed with the well-being of all his patients,” Hana said as she pulled the covers of Yunho’s bed back.

Jae smirked. “Oh, we will see about that.”

“So when are you leaving? Isn’t your huge concert coming up?” Hana asked Jae. “Don’t you have a million things to do like press conferences, sound check and stuff?”

Yunho, who had been sipping his protein drink happily, stopped suddenly and looked at Jae. Jae was glaring at Hana and he looked like he would have liked nothing more in the world then to strangle her.

“You know, I am going to go finish my charting,” Hana said, backing out of the room quickly to escape Jae’s anger that was about to lash out at any minute.

“Well,” Bong Cha sighed as the tension suddenly became very thick in the room between the two men “Well guess who is getting a bath tomorrow?”

Yunho who had been consumed with a mixture of emotions and jealousy at Jae getting to do the job he loved, and fear at not having Jae with him was successfully distracted by Bong Cha.

“Nooo!” Yunho said, shaking his head.

“You are getting a bath in the morning. I was going to give you one tonight but you are too tired to help and you are going to help. You have perfectly good mind now and a left arm that works well enough. So basically I am just going to be your transportation,” Bong Cha told him, smiling down at the man who looked so much like a toddler at the moment.

“Buuu…” Yunho started but the fact that she was going to make him do most of the work was a relief.

“No buts about it. You stink,” Bong Cha told him with a grin as she took the empty glass from him. “I am going home. The night nurses will be in here in about an hour to put you to bed. Be good,” she told him, walking out of the room but she cast a warning glance at Jae as she left.

Yunho was wishing the night nurses would hurry and come in as he avoided looking at Jae. Jae had been by his side night and day for the past three days and the memory of what it had been like before he returned scared Yunho. He didn’t want to be here alone, but he wasn’t used to being so selfish.

He was a fool because of course Jae was still insanely successful…his group was no doubt bigger now than it had been before Yunho’s accident. Jae’s fans would never abandon him. Jae’s dream would continue and Yunho’s had died a long time ago, even before a bullet crashed into his brain. Yunho might walk again…but he would never dance again.

“What are you thinking?” Jae asked, kneeling down in front of Yunho.

Yunho just shook his head, trying to control his emotions. The sudden realization that he would never dance again hit him like a ton of bricks and in his sadness he remembered awful truths. He remembered that Jae had left with them and had discarded DBSK in favor of their new group, their new shining success.

“Please tell me.” Jae grabbed Yunho’s hand and kissed it, causing Yunho to try and pull it away. Jae held it firmly but Yunho refused to answer. He just continued to shake his head. “Nobody hates how everything ended up more than me, but you gave me no choice. The choice was yours. I know you thought I should be satisfied with friendship and be forgiving, but I can’t be when it comes to you…it’s all or nothing,” Jae told him, laying his head in Yunho’s lap, still holding his hand tightly.


When Yunho had awoken that next morning Jae was gone, he had slipped out during the night without a word. Yunho was both relieved and saddened by the fact. He was relieved because deep down in his heart he knew better than to depend too much on Jae. Jae was wonderful and perfect, until…he wasn’t.

Yunho had always taken his fair share of the blame and more, but something had changed after the accident. Where he had been nothing but sad and accepting before the accident, there was anger now. It was his fault, but not all his fault. He had taken a path that hurt Jae, but he had never set out to hurt Jae. Hurting Jae was never his intention…just a horrible side effect of the choice he had to make. The same could not be said of Jae, he had meant to hurt Yunho…and he had succeeded masterfully.

“I don’t think you are thinking about victory!” Bill told him, leaning down and removing the weight from Yunho’s left leg.

Yunho just shook his head no.

Bill patted his leg and looked at the man sitting in the wheelchair. “Do you miss your friend?” The snarl that appeared on Yunho’s face as he shook his head a little too eagerly made Bill laugh. “I think you have had enough today solider.”

“No, moore,” Yunho pleaded. He had to get out of this chair. His left side felt so much stronger but his right side was still useless to him.

“I love your attitude, but Rome wasn’t built in a day…and you have to take your time, kid. We want to move forward, we can’t afford a setback. We got to get you walking,” Bill told him, smiling fondly at the determined Yunho.

“Holy Bonkers and Cows!” Hana said as she excitedly ran into the exercise room. “Heechul is here! He is at the main gate. Do we let him in?”

Yunho just stared at her shocked…Heechul was here. There was no fooling Heechul that, was for damn sure.

“If we don’t let him in, then he will tell your mother. Your mother will call or send somebody to check on you.” Hana walked up to Yunho. “Do we let him in or do we send him away?”

“In!” Yunho said, smiling brightly. Heechul would keep his secret and he would be so wonderful to see somebody whose friendship was a certainty.

“Alright,” Hana said, grabbing Yunho’s wheelchair. “I will get you in your room and then we will let him in. Oh, and I am sure the other two are with him… they are always with him.”

“Two?” Yunho asked as Hana wheeled him back to his room quickly.

“Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, they almost always come with Heechul. Ryeowook sometimes makes us cookies! They are so delicious! He is some cook.”

Yunho smiled even brighter now. He wondered how those two had faired and of course they would be under Heechul’s protective wing. He also hoped that delicious cookies were in his near future. “Good.”

“He probably didn’t have time to make any though. There was a SM concert in Bangkok that they just got back from. I am really surprised that they came today. Heechul and Jae hate each other though…umm I shouldn’t say that. I mean what do I know? Let’s get you in your recliner,” Hana said, wheeling Yunho into his room and parking the wheelchair beside his recliner.

Yunho laughed, because if she thought Heechul’s and Jae’s dislike was a surprise to him, how naïve of her. “I can help.”

“I know. You are doing great, but we still need help,” Hana told him, as Kwan walked into the room and helped her move Yunho to the chair. “They should be here soon,” she told Yunho as she moved his catheter out of sight. A girl he didn’t recognize brought in his dinner and Hana grabbed it setting it up in front of Yunho. “We won’t tell them. It’s your surprise to tell.”

“Okay,” Yunho said, using little words and smiling at them as they left the room. This was going to be fun. He left his dinner tray untouched as he waited for them to arrive.

:generally confused:

although i feel this is fairly realistic, that doesn't mean i have to liiike iiiiit DDDD:< (the situation, not your writing, lol)
Yay! an Update! I LOVE JAe and YUnho's interaction...especially why we love the tube! Finally someone other than Jae enters the picture! I've been wondering where the other's have been and I still wanna see Min...I refuse to believe he abandoned Yunho after all Yun did for him....
Awe, faith in Min is good! The next chapter will help explain where he has been.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
awww...it seems yunjae love is complex right now >< i hope yunho will forgive jae once again but then again i hope for more drama XDDD i'm such a sadist~~can't wait for heenim to make an appearance ^^ love it~~~
I can promise lots more drama. LOL

I am so glad you described them as being complex because they are...both right, both wrong.

Thanks so much for commenting!
wow...just came upon this fic and liking it...
really wonder what will heechul's reaction be when he sees yunho..
however, a bit puzzle thou cos after the scene with jaejoong saying he will jump off the building and yunho woke up...what exactly happen next? and what did yunho do to destroy his relationship with jae in the first place???
many questions that need answers...
waiting for you next update^^
What happened in the year between Yunho opening his eyes to Jae's voice and when he awoke and found himself at Clear Creek will be explained in a future chapter.

I know lots of unanswered questions, but I promise they will all be answered slowly.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
God this hurts so much to read. I hate it!! But I love it too. Masochist me... >.>
nice one...
didnt know what will happen..
with jae there too..
8D~~~~ HEECHULLLL!!!! He's a coming! and kyuwook too! yay I can't wait to see what'll happen between all of them :D

And it seems like something happened with Changmin...I hope he didn't give up on yunho D: And also I wish that yun would stop blaming himself,, it makes me wonder what happened ^^'' At the same time I don't want him to forgive jae just yet >:P and I hope he doesn't lean on jae too much and is able to become stronger and independent; I don't really like when one character has some type of control over another

T_T I hope that there's a way that yun can find a way to dance again...oh and I like that housekeeper a lot :P

I have a very soft spot for Heechul......and KyuWook are my bias...so there are lots of them in the next chapter.

I think it would be very hard not to become totally dependent on Jae due to how much he cares and because he has stuck with Yunho...but that pesty past keeps getting in the way.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

there isn't much action here, but i would be on a lookout for significant (future) events because of this chapter. :)

poor yunho. i know how it feels to be in his situation. he's torn, and jae isn't helping at all, and it's like hanging on a tightrope, and there no way to go but forward or backward (if you don't fall to your death, that is). sorry for the morbid thoughts. XD i didn't expect an update today, but i am very ecstatic because my boys and heechul are going to be in C4! waaaaaaaa~ *runs off, flailing limbs everywhere*
Ha! Most loyal commenter ever!

This story can make you think morbid thoughts though, made me depressed writing it. It gets better though. I don't feel like I need antidepressants anymore! Ha!

Thanks for always commenting.
awe jae left, hope he's back soon and yunho keeps improving... if this ever happened in reality i would become like a hermit and never leave my house Y^Y i'd die inside D:
I know it's a nightmare in the beginning if it happened in real life........GAWD don't even want to think about that.

But I love how it ends though.:) I so love how it ends.:)

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
i think min out of the pic because he's feeling guilty... but still want to see him hehhehe
it's so complicated...
n i'm beginning to confuse...
huhu...mybe i'm quite fool or something get on my head...
It is very complicated, their love is kinda twisted right now. When the secrets of the past are finally told though...it will get easier to understand.

Thanks bunches for reading and commenting.
weeee....i love how yunnie is making progress..and oh wow cant wait for heenim's appearance!!! And i really, really, cant wait for minnie to visit yunho!

Oh yeah, i dont like jae here...im on team yunho! Wooot.

I love them both. I just had to go and add lots of drama to make as much angst as possible.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
I fucking love this.
The end.

--real comment
The mystery behind YunJae's past is so alluring, I want to just keep reading and reading and reading. There's so many things that you barely scraped over and it makes me want to jump into your mind and look for the entire plot so I can find out what the hell is going on with Jaejoong and Changmin and everyone else.
Update soon <3
Yeah! Somebody likes the mystery surrounding them! I promise to answer all the unanswered questions by the end of the story too.

I will update probably by the end of the week!

Thanks bunches for reading and commenting!