Damaged, Chapter Six

Title: Damaged
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: R
Genre: Future AU, Drama, Angst
Beta Motty123

Summary: On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family. The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness. Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, pride, selfishness, and forgiveness.

Previous Chapters

“What happened to his television?” Ryeowook asked, looking around the room. “I can’t remember if it was here last time or not.”

“We are here to visit Yunho, not so you can watch your stupid drama,” Kyuhyun replied in annoyance from his spot on Yunho’s bed where he was sprawled out playing a game on his phone.

Ryeowook turned to glare at Kyuhyun. “I don’t think you want to start with me…Mr. I Haven’t Put Down My Stupid Game since I got here.”

Kyuhyun jumped up to the side of the bed quickly putting down his phone. “He is eating! He doesn’t want to talk to us, he’s eating.”

Yunho, who was sitting up in his recliner savoring what was the most exquisite barbeque chicken and battered shrimp he had ever tasted, just shook his head in agreement with Kyuhyun. Ryeowook’s cooking was unbelievable…just unbelievable.

“So you can play your stupid game but I can’t watch my show?” Ryeowook accused, his eyes narrowing at Kyuhyun.

“What do you want me to do? Go buy a television?” Kyuhyun snapped back.

“You should do that for him…considering he might get sick of looking at these walls,” Ryeowook snapped right back at him.

“Yunho, if you choke on your chicken, Ryeowook would probably never cook again,” Heechul pointed out. Heechul had been sitting in the chair beside Yunho taking turns watching his squabbling maknaes and Yunho hungrily stuff food into his mouth.

Yunho stopped eating to say, “That woouuld be a horrible shame.” Then Yunho responded by stuffing a big battered shrimp into his mouth hungrily.

A very annoyed Kyuhyun picked up the call light and dramatically hit it causing Ryeowook to ask, “What are you doing?”

“I am going to ask them what happened to the damn television,” Kyuhyun huffed, folding his arms.

“Good,” Ryeowook said, folding his arms to match Kyuhyun.

“Can I help you?” Hana asked as she walked into the room.

“What happened to his television?” Ryeowook and Kyuhyun demanded at the same time.

“Jae had it removed?” Heechul answered before Hana could get the words past her lips. Hana shook her head in agreement.

“Why?” Ryeowook asked, the both of them surprised.

“He didn’t say. He just told us to get it out of the room. We didn’t argue or question him why. Maintenance just came and took it down as he instructed,” Hana answered.

“When?” Yunho asked, putting down his food, suddenly curious.

“I think it was the same day that you told us the good news about your recovery,” Hana answered, looking confused herself. “You didn’t want it taken down?”

“No, I didn’t even notice I had one,” Yunho answered honestly. His mind hadn’t exactly been running on all cylinders back then.

“Jae doesn’t like to share you with anything, not even a television,” Heechul reminded Yunho from his chair.

“I know the type,” Ryeowook mumbled under his breath causing Kyuhyun to flinch.

“I want it back,” Yunho told her as he looked down, eyeing his food lustfully. Jae’s jealously wasn’t anything new to him.

“I will notify maintenance and they will put it back in the room. Do you need anything else?” the young nurse asked him.

“Nope,” Yunho said as he picked up another piece of chicken. Hana just smiled at the man’s appetite and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

“I can’t believe you compared me to Jae!” Kyuhyun said, sliding off the side of the bed and folding his arms. “I am not jealous of your dramas!”

Ryeowook rolled his eyes and stole Kyuhyun’s spot on Yunho’s bed. “Yeah, right.”

“I am not,” Kyuhyun insisted. “That would be totally retarded.”

“No comment,” Ryeowook said, stretching out on the bed and then rolling over to watch Yunho stuff food into his mouth.

“You two shut up. I swear on the way back I am going to get you two a hotel room for an hour,” Heechul informed them as he snatched one of Yunho’s shrimp, causing Yunho to glare at him.

“Really?” Kyuhyun said, unfolding his arms and turning around excitedly to face Heechul.

“Well as long as the room has a television then it’s fine with me! Kyuhyun is more than welcome to wait with you though,” Ryeowook told Heechul as he smiled evilly up at Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun frowned as he went to the bed and looked down at Ryeowook. “Stop being mean to me.”

“I will…as soon as you agree to go to England instead!” Ryeowook told him as he glared up at him.

“England?” Yunho stopped eating long enough to ask.

“The real reason my little bunnies are being so fussy. Kyuhyun has planned another vacation to the…Amazon,” Heechul informed Yunho, unable to hide his amusement.

“The Amazon?” Yunho asked, his disbelief clearly showing.

“I want to go to South America and see the ancient Mayan ruins…I have it all planned. It’s going to be an amazing trip. There is this one site that has only recently been excavated…and so many lost cities. It is an unbelievable trip of a life time and all I get is grief about it,” Kyuhyun explained with his hands on his hips glaring down at Ryeowook.

“Trip of a lifetime? Nightmare of my lifetime more like it!” Ryeowook complained as he sat up on the side of the bed and faced Yunho. “You have to ride on mules…mules for two days before you can get to the one site, because there aren’t any roads! Did I mention that you are riding these mules through the jungle? The jungle! There are giant snakes down there that are big enough to eat a man! And let’s not even talk about the bugs and then there are piranhas too!”

“It isn’t like we are going to go swimming,” Kyuhyun sighed, looking very annoyed.

Ryeowook turned on Kyuhyun. “I am not going to the jungle with you! I want to go on a vacation where there is room service, beds, Internet, phone service, roads, and basic civilization!”

“We will have sleeping bags…well one,” Kyuhyun told Ryeowook, grinning at the thought of sharing a sleeping bag with the other man.

“I am not going to the jungle!” Ryeowook screeched at him.

“Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun began as he took his angry lover’s hand, “Older people take this tour. It will be a piece of cake for us...and no fans. No fans at all. A fan free vacation with just the two of us, how great will that be? I would rather deal with slightly large snakes then fans stalking us.”

“I am not going with you! I can’t sleep outdoors on the same continent where there are snakes big enough to eat me!” Ryeowook insisted, squeezing Kyuhyun’s hand.

“The door is opening. Who could it be?” Heechul said loudly. Ryeowook and Kyuhyun instantly separated with Kyuhyun going to stand behind Yunho while Ryeowook remained sitting on the side of the bed.

“We were told to hook the television back up?” Two men form maintenance informed them as they carried in a big flat screen in.

“Oh darn, I was hoping it was Jae,” Heechul said, suddenly looking depressed.

“Why?” Yunho asked in disbelief.

“Well those two bunnies have really been annoying me and I was hoping to take it out on somebody,” Heechul answered honestly as he crossed his legs.

“Well I hope he doesn’t come back till you are gone then,” Yunho whispered as he took another bite of chicken.

“But you hope he comes back?” Heechul questioned, looking highly disappointed.

Yunho sighed longingly. “Yes.” He missed Jae more than he thought possible. He hated going through the day without the support Jae provided. The nights were worse though, sleep did not come easily and his mind raced miles a minute without Jae’s presence to steady and anchor it to the now.

Heechul frowned and Kyuhyun leaned down closer to Yunho’s ear and whispered where only the four of them could hear, “Which is perfectly understandable, history alone would make you most comfortable with him. If I were in your condition, I would want Ryeowook taking care of me.”

“If you have a cold, you want me taking care of you,” Ryeowook hissed from his spot on the bed.

Heechul smiled really deviously and pulled his legs up underneath him in the chair and told them, “It isn’t exactly the same…for instance the new bunnies fuss and fight but always end up cuddling and proclaiming their eternal love for each other. The new bunnies have the support of a bunny family and not to mention the protection of the great bunny dictator. The old bunnies never had anybody’s support…they only had other people’s ambition and pride playing games to manipulate or destroy them. Then one day all the evil games worked and the old bunnies separated and tore each other’s souls apart…and one of the old bunnies became the great humping bunny of Japan.”

“What the hell?” Yunho asked, looking at Heechul as if he had lost his mind.

“You and your crazy bunny analogies!” Kyuhyun grumbled under his breath.


“Yunho, I think we will call it a day today,” Bill told him, looking at the clearly exhausted man. They were alone in one of the weight rooms and Yunho was doing poorly with his weight training.

“No, toooo eaarrly,” Yunho insisted. He knew he had been off today. The diminished sleep for the past six nights had clearly caught up with him, but he had to walk.

“No, you are too tired. When is your hubby coming back?” Bill asked as he removed the weights from Yunho’s legs.

“Myy whaattt?!” Yunho asked, totally scandalized. If Bill thought Jae was the husband then that would make Yunho the wife…he found that he had suddenly developed an eye twitch.

Bill looked at him kindly. “Don’t even bother denying it. There isn’t any need. What I say to you stays between us. I am from Vermont, it’s a blue state…we are very open minded. Gay marriage is even legal there.”

“It is?” Yunho managed to get out clearly as the shock of such a statement left him stunned. He could not imagine a place where two men could legally wed…it was unbelievable to him.

“Yes, I have a gay cousin who has already been divorced. Honestly, I don’t think he really loved his husband. I think he was just marrying because he could. It wasn’t anything like what you and Mr. Kim have together. His dedication to you is truly inspiring,” Bill said as he transferred Yunho back into his wheelchair.

“Nnnoonootwweeee iiiff.” Yunho couldn’t even understand his own words as his eye continued to twitch like mad.

“I didn’t understand that, but tomorrow is a brand new day,” Bill told him as he wheeled him toward the door.

Yunho opened his mouth to deny being gay and more importantly to deny being the wife when Bong Cha met them at the door. “How is he doing?”

“Not his best day. He’s tired and his muscles and his speech aren’t cooperating with him,” Bill said, handing the wheelchair off to Bong Cha.

“Well he’s going to get some sleep tonight, because if Soo Jin doesn’t give him a sleeping pill, then she is going to have me to deal with,” Bong Cha told Bill, causing the other man to laugh.

“I wouldn’t want to be her,” Bill told Bong Cha as she started to take Yunho back to his room.


“Yunho, you have to take this pill. You don’t have the option of refusing tonight,” Soo Jin tried to reason with the defiant man who was in his bed flipping through television channels with his remote control.

Yunho shook his head and looked at her in annoyance. He wasn’t going to take any drugs. When he got tired enough, he would sleep. It wasn’t like he wasn’t sleeping any. He was getting at least three hours a night. For years he had been lucky to get three hours of sleep, so if she thought he was going to take a sleeping pill she was mistaken.

Soo Jin sighed and grabbed the remote from him and turned the television off. “Please?”

Yunho shook his head and reached out a hand wanting the remote back. This wasn’t a prison and he cursed his speech that was so off right now, or he would tell her that.

“You only have two options. The doctor has ordered that I have to give you this medicine. You can swallow it like a good boy, or I am going to give it to you as a shot. It’s up to you, but you are sleeping tonight,” she told him in a matter of fact way, trying hard to hide her frustration.

“Nooo, pllleaase,” Yunho somehow managed to beg. He hated his life so much right now, trapped in a bed and at the mercy of others.

“I’m sorry but I don’t have a choice,” Soo Jin told him.

“Yes, you do,” Jae told her from the doorway. He had been leaning against the door listening to everything.

Soo Jin turned quickly. “Jae, you are back!”

“Yes,” Jae told her but he was smiling at Yunho who looked so relieved to see him. He turned back to Soo Jin. “You can leave now.”

“I can’t. Dr. Lee has strict orders to give him this pill,” Soo Jin explained, turning to the man she clearly adored.

“Tell Dr. Lee I don’t give a flying fuck what he ordered. Remind him that while Mrs. Jung is out of the country I have the say, so take your pill and leave,” Jae ordered. Jae looked as tired as Yunho and much more irritated.

“I didn’t mean…I am just doing my job,” Soo Jin told him, taken aback by his sudden coldness.

“I know. I’m tired. I apologize, but please just go,” Jae told her, attempting to appear more understanding. She shook her head and walked out of the room. Jae followed, shutting the door behind her.

Jae turned around to find a horror stricken Yunho looking at him. “Mmmyyy daaaddd?” Yunho had been avoiding asking any questions about his family, because the mere fact that Jae was here with him was enough for him to know it was very splintered…but for Jae to have control over his doctors? His father must be dead, there is no way his father would ever allow Jae to have that kind of control…and what of his mother? He couldn’t believe that she allowed it? What the hell had happened?

Jae looked at him sadly and walked up closer and lifted a hand up to move Yunho’s hair out of his face. “We can talk about this in the morning. Soo Jin was not wrong. You look exhausted and you need to sleep.”

“Deaad?” Yunho asked, beginning to feel panicked. His father had been dead and all this time he had never asked…he had just accepted Jae’s presence without questioning why it was suddenly possible.

“No, he’s not dead. He’s fine,” Jae said, crawling into bed next to Yunho and wrapping his arm around him.

Yunho shook his head because he knew that was a lie, because there was no way in hell his father would ever give Jae the power to make his medical decisions.

“Why is your eye twitching?” Jae asked, distracted by Yunho’s twitching eye.

“Tirrreed. Teelll mee!” Yunho demanded. He had to know now, he could feel his whole body shaking.

“Okay, okay. I will tell you but you have to calm down. You better just be tired, because I do not like what I am seeing,” Jae said, sitting up and looking at Yunho in concern.

“Pleease,” Yunho pleaded as Jae moved in and kissed his forehead, unable to stop himself.

Jae looked so beat and it was more than obvious this was not a conversation he wanted to have, but he did anyway for Yunho. “After you got shot…the doctors said there wasn’t any brain activity. You were dependent on a ventilator and you were an organ donator so they were going to do as you wished and donate your organs. All your family, friends, and co-workers had gathered at the hospital to give you a final goodbye.”

Jae paused to wipe a tear away that had escaped from Yunho’s eye. “I had been skiing in Europe when I got the news about you getting shot. I flew back as fast as possible…I had to see you. It was all over the news how you were brain dead…and I just couldn’t believe it. I knew I could prove otherwise, I knew you weren’t really gone. I just knew it.”

“The hospital was crazy though. It was insane, the fans were backed up for blocks, but I had to get to you. Everybody said I was crazy, Your family had made it known to everybody that Junsu, Yoochun, and I were not to get anywhere near you. I used every connection I ever made to get me up to the floor where your room was…but once I got there I hit a brick wall. People that I had used to love and work with were all there staring at me like I had been the one who shot you. I didn’t care though. I was like a robot. I had to see you.”

Yunho just looked at him spellbound as Jae continued. “Your mom…came out and got me. She took me to your room and told everybody to leave. Your dad was not happy at all. They fought and she threatened to tell the world about our past relationship if he didn’t leave. It wasn’t pretty and at the time I didn’t even realize what she was sacrificing for me. I just remember seeing you there in that bed hooked to all those machines. Changmin was at your side clinging to you and his hate for me….”

Yunho reached up and wiped a tear from Jae’s face with his left hand, and Jae smiled down at him and continued, “He hates me as much…as much as he loves you. He was merciless with me, because you had just basically died for him. I was like a robot with one goal in mind…but I will never forget what he told me, how I must appear to him.” Jae shook his head, pushing the memory of Changmin’s hate away.

“I made it to you. Your mother told me to hurry. Then I bent down and promised you that if you died…” Jae stopped as he noticed Yunho’s eyes had darted away from him. “Do you remember?”

Yunho turned back to him and nodded his head. Jae reached for Yunho’s left hand and placed it over his heart. “I would have to. Even if we had not spoken for over a year, even if we were no longer lovers, group members, or even friends, you still existed and that was somehow enough for me. You have always been everything for me since the first time I saw you. I had kept up with everything you did. When you would you go through your reclusive periods when there wasn’t any news of you…I would practically go insane. I know I hurt you and I did it on purpose…over and over again…”

Jae paused, pulling Yunho’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. “I don’t really even know how to make any sense of what I did, but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I did, but I loved hurting you too. I was so angry but that you were going to die…I could never go on living if you died. That a fan was responsible…a fan of mine, well I hated them at that moment. I would have jumped and took as many of them with me as I could…it would have been a bitter, psychotic end, a sad statement to what I had thought of the world and all its expectations.”

“Jae,” Yunho said, closing his eyes and turning away.

“I know that you can’t understand feeling anything like that. I know you are better than me, that you could never be that crazy with grief. It didn’t come down to my last act of defiance though…you opened your eyes. I fainted after you opened them, I was so relieved. The doctors still insisted that it was just involuntary movement and that you were brain dead. Your father believed them…your mother didn’t. She had been in the room and she had seen us when you opened them. Changmin had heard my threat and knew you had responded to me.”

“Your mom and dad went to war over it. He wanted to put you to rest and she…she fought him. She won. No judge was going to rule to turn off your ventilator when your mother promised that she would have Changmin and I both testify in open court that you had responded to my words. The fans were in an uproar and most of them already hated your father. Your parent’s marriage didn’t survive.”

Jae wiped more tears from Yunho’s eyes. “When weeks passed and you didn’t wake up…everybody thought your father had been right. Somewhere along the way, your mother and I came to an understanding and she let me have limitless access to you. I was convinced you would come around, but everybody else was losing hope. I rarely saw Changmin, but when I did I could see that he regretted standing against your father and he still hated me as much as ever. Your mother stood by her decision though and a couple more weeks passed and you started breathing on your own.”

“The doctors made me so mad every time you did the impossible…breathe on your own, move your left side, and even swallow your own food…they always had some excuse about how they hadn’t been wrong. You eventually ended up here and even though you could breath, move, and eventually swallow on your own it was still so difficult for others to be a witness to it...because the part of you that made you…you, was still hiding away.”

“The people who sided with your father just accepted that you were gone and what remained was just a shell. Your father has never stepped foot in this facility. There were more visitors at first but it was very hard to see you like that so they eventually stopped coming except for a few friends and your mother and sister. Your sister is in college in California and your mom is staying there with her for the time being. Your mother gave me power to make your medical decisions while she was gone, because she knows I am the one person that your father could never influence.”

Yunho just stared at him, even if he could speak clearly what does he say to that? How do you respond to that level of devotion? His parent’s marriage was destroyed and his father had discarded him for dead…how was he supposed to feel? He had known something like this must have happened, but to actually hear the words…he just felt numb.

Jae’s gentle touch against his cheek snapped him out of his thoughts. “You are sleepy, I’m sleepy… let’s just go to sleep.”

Yunho nodded his head in agreement as Jae didn’t even bother to change clothes when he laid down, pulling Yunho tightly against him. Yunho wondered if life would ever be easy again, if anything would ever make sense. He knew all the uncertainty should make him feel lost, but instead he just felt strangely at peace. He closed his eyes and soon drifted off to sleep, safe in the arms that loved him.

                 Chapter Seven

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