Damaged, Chapter Eleven

Title:     Damaged
Author:  AquariusLover
Rating:   R
Pairing:  Yunjae
Genre:   AU, Friendship, Romance, Drama


Disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction.  I own nothing and know even less.  This story is a stand alone, but it does take place in the TFAN universe, where Yunho played a crucial role.

Big HUGE thanks to Amy(one of my most favorite people ever)!!!   Also a big thanks to everybody who takes the time to comment!

Summary:  On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family.  The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness.  Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, selfishness, and forgiveness.

Previous Chapters

“I am not kissing you for food!”  Yunho told Jae glaring at him.



“Well I am not going to go get you any then.” Jae told him as he flipped through a magazine in the chair next to Yunho as the other man fumed.


“It is totally twisted.”  Yunho exclaimed slamming down the glass of water he had been holding, it thumped hard against the table causing some of it to spill.


“I said you didn’t have to use your tongue.”  Jae told him not looking up from his magazine.


“Can my teeth be clenched together?”  Yunho asked, considering his options now.


Jae looked up from his magazine to eye the torn man beside him, “Nope, because I intend to use my tongue”


Yunho frowned frustrated, “This is not an act of a friend!”


“You want me to risk your secrecy...risk letting the fans know where I am just because you are craving pizza.  The reward has to outweigh the risks.”  Jae told him looking back down at his magazine.


“You are such a jerk!  You know if I could order it I would.” 


“Yes, I am.  Sorry but security is very strict surrounding you, no pizza delivery boys allowed.”  Jae said as put his magazine down.  “So what is it going to be?”


“Okay, let me get your terms straight.   However long we kiss is how much you will spend?  It has to be open mouth, but I don’t have to cooperate?”   Yunho asked Jae with a very sour look on his face.


“That’s right.”  Jae told him smiling as he got up and started walking toward the door.


“So if I can hold out for 20 seconds I can get at least a medium size pizza that I am not sharing with you.”  Yunho said calculating in his head.


Jae shut the door and locked it.  “That’s okay, hopefully I will be satisfied with my dessert.”  He said licking his lips making sure Yunho could see him as he walked back to the man.


“If I could just hold out for 40 seconds, then I could get a large.”  Yunho told Jae frowning.   


Jae just smiled as he moved the tray that was in front of Yunho away, “Poor Yunho, what terrible hardships you must overcome.”


“It is a hardship!”  Yunho insisted as Jae kneeled down and settled between his spread legs.  “For two weeks you have been so good…well except when you molest me in your sleep.”


“When you say molest…it sounds so wrong.”  Jae said placing both of his hands on Yunho’s waist and squeezing gently.


“It is wrong, plus I am not completely sure that you are always asleep.”  Yunho said casting a suspicious look at Jae.


“Sleeping, I promise.  Would I lie?”  Jae told Yunho with an exaggerated innocent look.


“I am trying to retrain you into perfect friendship mode and this is not helping your education!”  Yunho said frowning down at Jae.


“It’s a very bad teacher that can be bribed so easily.”  Jae told him looking up at Yunho seductively.


“You are right.  This is wrong.”  Yunho said turning his head away.


“Yunho, it’s just a kiss.   Just think of the pizza.”   Jae said reaching his hands down to massage Yunho’s thighs.


“I used to be a better person.”  Yunho said turning his head to look Jae in the eye.  Jae pushed up ready to kiss him when there was a loud knocking on the door.


“Somebody is seriously going to die!”  Jae said jerking away quickly, getting back on his feet.  Jae stormed to the door unlocked it, and wrenched it open to a very unwelcome sight.


“Shit!  What are you doing here?”  Heechul exclaimed as he walked into the room.  “Didn’t I see pictures of you at the airport leaving for Taiwan?”


“Heechul, are you visiting my websites again?  I am touched.”  Jae told him with a crooked fake grin.


Heechul sneered, “As if.  I was hoping this would be a visit free of the psychotic ex…who can’t quite comprehend what ex means.”  Heechul told him through clenched teeth.


Jae bit his bottom lip and took a deep breath and replied, “Still jealous that I succeeded where you failed?”


Heechul’s jaw dropped, “Why you…”  Heechul was interrupted as Ryeowook walked into the room bumping into him purposely and distracting him.


“Ryeowook!”  Yunho yelled happily as he saw the other man walk into the room carrying sacks, sacks Yunho hoped were full of food.


“Hyung!”  Ryeowook said greeting Yunho.


“Tell me those sacks are full of food.”  Yunho asked excitedly rubbing his hands together hungrily.


“Those sacks and these sacks.”  Kyuhyun said carrying two more sacks of his own as he entered the room giving wide berth to Heechul and Jae who were now in a sneering contest.


“Tell me what you want Hyung and I will go warm it up for you.”  Ryeowook said as he started laying dishes out on the table.


“All of it but right now I want hugs.”  Yunho said motioning for both Ryeowook and Kyuhyun who eagerly embraced him at the same time.  Yunho hugged them tightly and whispered, “You two have to be extremely careful.  Do you understand me?”


The two younger men both nodded their heads yes as they slowly pulled away.  “Hyung, your right arm?”  Kyuhyun pointed out amazed as he watched Yunho move it.


Yunho gave Kyuhyun a proud smile, “I am doing better than anybody ever expected.  I still can’t do much with it but I can move it and make a tight fist.  I even stood up yesterday for the first time.”


“Hyung!  I thought it would take months?”  Ryeowook said amazed as he started laying dishes out again.


“That’s what they thought.”  Yunho told him proudly.  “Did you bring pizza by any chance?”


“Yes, it’s in one of Kyuhyun’s sack.  I had to cut it up though.”  Ryeowook told him as he motioned for Kyuhyun to hand him the sack in question.


“Are those two ever going to stop glaring at each other?”  Kyuhyun asked casting a worried glance at Heechul and Jae as he handed the sack to Ryeowook.


“Yes, they are.  They are going to behave wonderfully.”  Yunho said loudly for the benefit of their ears.


Heechul turned away from Jae to face Yunho, “I am sorry, but I wouldn’t have come if I knew he was here.  Who knew they had some poor soul carved up to look like him.”


“Nobody was carved up…well not by us.  It was a fan.  An extreme fan but a double does come in handy.  Still he had to wear a mask and a hat.”  Jae said walking back toward Yunho casting a curious glance at all the food Ryeowook had set out.


“Is he going to sing for you too?”  Heechul asked distastefully.


“No, I am just not feeling well so Yoochun and Junsu will have to carry on without me.”  Jae said as he picked up a bowl of home cooked ramen that looked sinfully good.


“Are you sick, hyung?”  Ryeowook asked confused as he sat down on the floor beside Yunho.  He was unable to fathom why Jae was here, but making such an effort to be seen there if he was sick.


“You brought him pizza?”  Jae frowned as he eyed the dish irritated.  “No, I am not sick.   I just made a deal with them.”


“A deal?”  Kyuhyun couldn’t help but ask as he sat down in the chair beside Yunho.


“I work a week, and they leave me alone for a month.”  Jae told Kyuhyun but he was eyeing Yunho, “Pizza, you got pizza after all.”


“Devine intervention.”  Yunho said smiling at him.  “Do you mind going and warming it up for me?  Please.”


Jae picked up the pizza and rolled his eyes and huffed, “Why of course not, my love.” 


Heechul hurriedly shut the door once Jae was out of the room. “We can’t stay here. I should have called.”


“Heechul, you can’t leave yet.  We haven’t even talked.”  Yunho pleaded with his old friend not wanting him to leave.


“As much as I dislike Jae, even I admit that he isn’t an idiot.  He won’t take him long to peg these two.”  Heechul said pointing at Ryeowook and Kyuhyun. 


“He’s already made remarks about Ryeowook, but I don’t think he suspects Kyuhyun yet.”  Yunho admitted reluctantly.


“We once danced, and he hugged me at a SM concert.”  Kyuhyun offered.  “I didn’t know I was gay then though.”


“Until you started dreaming about him.”  Ryeowook couldn’t help but point out with a smirk.


“It was one time and you said Jae didn’t count!”  Kyuhyun said blushing, avoiding eye contact with Yunho who was laughing at him.


“Back to the point.”  Heechul said interrupting them.  “Jae, isn’t deluded into assuming everybody is straight.  He is also going to start wondering why exactly it is these two that come and visit with me.”


“We have managed to keep this secret for a long time.  I think he is more concerned with you being here.  Couldn’t you just keep distracting him?”  Kyuhyun pointed out not wanting to leave.


“True.  He’s always been very insecure with you.”  Yunho agreed.


“That depends…”  Heechul stopped giving Yunho a disapproving glare.


“Depends on what?”  Yunho asked looking at the other man curiously.


“If you two are lovers again!  If you went back to him after what he did.  He has no reason to be insecure ever again, because he would know he has a firm grasp on your balls…or lack of.”  Heechul bluntly informed Yunho.


Kyuhyun and Ryeowook both stared at each other to avoid looking at their hyungs.  Kyuhyun was trying to stop any laughter that might escape from his mouth and Ryeowook just glared at him for finding it funny.


Yunho frowned at Heechul disapprovingly, “No, we are not. My balls are firmly intact thank you very much.”


“So he stays here and he isn’t getting anything in return?  You didn’t promise him anything?”  Heechul asked with both of his eyebrows raised in doubt.


“Just my eternal gratitude.”  Yunho informed him still frowning.


“Bullshit.  He is after more than gratitude and by the look on your face I bet he is close to getting it.  Don’t forget what he has done just because everything is so warm and fuzzy now.”  Heechul warned.


Ryeowook stood up suddenly pissed and glared at Heechul, “What he has done?  You mean bring him back from death?  If it weren’t for Jae Hyung, we would be visiting Yunho Hyung’s grave.  I think you forget that.  I think lots of people forget that.  He then stayed by his side for a year.  He didn’t make occasional visits to ease his conscious he lived here beside him every day that he could.  It must have been nearly impossible for him.  He has sacrificed everything for him.  He…”


“Ryeowook!”  Kyuhyun tugged on the other man’s shirt trying to hush him.


“I am not finished.  He did do an awful thing, but some people do stupid things when they are angry and hurt.  One act of vengeance should not erase years of love and dedication.”  Ryeowook then turned to Yunho.  “If you want to forgive him then you should.  You shouldn’t care what other people think!  It’s up to you alone.  I fully support you no matter what.”


“That’s moving, but what one act of vengeance are we talking about?”  Jae asked coldly from behind him, he had slipped back into the room only noticed by Kyuhyun. 


Ryeowook turned around quickly, “Ummm….”


“That you screwed Junsu.”  Heechul told Jae unapologetic as he turned to face the man.


Jae sat the pizza down on the bed quickly, “What the hell?”  Jae turned to Yunho angrily, “I think I need a list of everybody who knows about this, and do they know why it bothered you so much?”


“I only told Changmin.”  Yunho confessed meeting the other man’s angry gaze.


“Changmin told us.”  Kyuhyun admitted quickly.  “We were all out drinking, and something got him going and he just couldn’t stop.”


“We got him out of the bar before he could tell anybody else though, and then we told Heechul Hyung, because we knew Changmin couldn’t be going around spreading such things.”  Ryeowook said speaking up quickly to confirm Kyuhyun’s story.


“I actually wanted to interview him live on the radio, but you are right there would be questions as to why it caused irreparable damage to the five of you.”  Heechul told Jae mercifulness watching as Jae flinched as his words hit too close to home.


“Just stop it.”  Yunho ordered from the chair.  “I love everybody in this room! We are all going to get along.”


“You just want your pizza.” Jae told Yunho picking up the pizza from the bed and ignoring Heechul as he walked over and gave it to him.  Kyuhyun got up from the chair quickly motioning for Jae to take it.  “Thank you.”  Jae told him with a grateful smile as he reclaimed his seat beside Yunho.


The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence as Yunho ate.  Kyuhyun who had taken a seat on the bed finally broke the silence, “So can we tell Changmin yet?”


“No!”  Jae answered quickly as the others turned to stare at him.  “If you think Heechul and I don’t get along you haven’t seen anything.  I am not leaving and Changmin won’t leave either once he finds out Yunho has his mind back.”


“He needs to know.  When he finds out that we have known all this time and didn’t tell him.”  Kyuhyun warned, “He is going to be so mad.”


“I am going to side with Jae here.”  Heechul said making everybody else gasp in shock.  “Changmin can be mad at himself because all he had to do in order to know is visit.”


“Heechul!”  Yunho said chastising. 


“It’s the truth.  He is too wrapped up in his own misery to think of you.  He hates himself for the interview that led to you taking a bullet for him.  He hates that he sided with your mother against your father and how he thinks it left you a mindless body.   He is too full of hate and too little love if you ask me.”  Heechul informed them as he sat down on the bed beside Kyuhyun.


“It’s because he loves him so much that he feels that way.” Kyuhyun tried to explain.  “The guilt is killing him.”


“I agree with Heechul he doesn’t need to know yet.”  Ryeowook said crossing his legs.


“Ryeowook!”  Kyuhyun said astonished.


“Yunho Hyung is breaking records at getting better.  Every time we see him he has accomplished some unbelievable feat.  He hasn’t done this because of his family or Changmin’s support…so I think we should leave things as they are until he can walk, just like he planned from the very beginning.”  Ryeowook informed them getting an approving smile from Jae.


“There is somebody else that I think we should tell though.  Somebody who Jae has sent away a couple times.”  Heechul said giving Jae a disapproving look.


“Who have you sent away?”  Yunho immediately demanded putting down his pizza.


“A few…okay a lot.”  Jae admitted giving Yunho an uneasy smile.


“Jae!  You never told me.”  Yunho accused.  “I want to know who.”


“Most of them don’t matter they weren’t here to see you…only to make themselves look better.”  Jae said suddenly fidgeting in his seat looking guilty.


“Jae, tell me now.”  Yunho insisted.


“Lots of stupid idols who just want to point out how they visited you in their latest interview...maybe some school friends.  Maybe…”

“You always hated my friends.” Yunho told him frowning.


“I think my jealousy is a well established fact, but do you really trust any of them not to tell your father?”  Jae asked unabashed.


“No, not really.  What idols?”  Yunho pried further his mind instantly going to one person he knew that would not abandon him.


“I might have also sent some of your family away…just aunts, uncles and cousins.  Your sister and mother are still in America.”  Jae added ignoring Yunho’s question.  “They just want to spy for your father.”


“Go Ara did you send her away?”  Yunho finally just blurted out.


“A couple times…okay more like five.”  Jae confessed closing his eyes quickly to avoid Yunho’s glare.


Kyuhyun couldn’t help but laugh as Yunho asked in pure wonderment, “She has been here five times since I woke up?”


“I didn’t say that exactly.”  Jae admitted scrunching up his face ready for the anger to be aimed at him.   “Your mother let her in a couple times.”


“Jae, I can’t believe you.  I mean…” 


“Oh, please did you actually think he would let your girlfriend in?”  Heechul said interrupting Yunho.  “Have you met him before?  This is Jae we are talking about?  He once refused to talk to Donghae for a year because he gave you a piggyback ride?”


Jae just crossed his arms and leaned father back into the chair, “Speaking of the little groper…I have never had to send him away, because he has never bothered to visit.”


“He finds anything like this really hard to handle.”  Kyuhyun said instantly coming to Donghae’s defense.


“Because of his dad.”  Ryeowook explained further noticing the highly skeptical look on Jae’s face.


“There’s always some excuse, Boo hoo.”   Jae said not the slightest bit sympathetic toward Donghae.


“Back to Go Ara when was the last time you sent her away?”  Yunho said still dwelling on the fact that she has been sent away five times.  She had always been a comfort to him and she was actually somebody he would trust with this secret.


Jae sat up in his chair and turned to Yunho his eyes laser sharp now.   “A couple weeks ago.  Would you like me to call her?  I am sure she would be more than happy to stay here and play nursemaid to you.  I guess then I could finally get back to my career...you know that little thing I have been neglecting for you for over a year.”


Heechul elbowed Kyuhyun and whispered gleefully, “This is about to get good.”


Ryeowook who was sitting on the floor beside Yunho’s chair suddenly jumped up, “I am going to the bathroom.”


“Me too.”  Kyuhyun said sliding off the bed but was instantly pulled back on the bed by Heechul who thumped him hard on the leg.  “After you.”


Ryeowook shot Kyuhyun a quick amused look and high tailed it to the bathroom.


Yunho had not said anything.  He just stared at Jae debating the best way to handle him without losing too much face.  


“So do you want me to call your beloved or not?”  Jae demanded impatiently his glare only growing angrier.


“Uumm…no.   I just, you know...toouuched that I am not completely forgotten.”  Yunho managed to get out his speech immediately going down hill.


“Really, that’s sweet.  You probably don’t want to burden her do you?  It takes a lot of dedication to stay with you…although it isn’t like she’s a huge international star or anything.”  Jae said the glare still not letting up.


Yunho grew paler and the amused looks Heechul was directing at him wasn’t making it any easier, but finally after a few uncomfortable moments he gave Jae what he wanted, “I want you with me okay, nobody but you.”


Jae’s glare was instantly gone as he jumped up from the chair and grabbed a delicious looking bowl of food.  “My love, there isn’t anywhere else I would rather be, but for now I am stealing this food to give to Mrs. Ryu.”


“No,” Yunho instantly complained.


“Yes, she is definitely giving in, but a little bribery never hurt.”  Jae said as he headed out of the room all smiles now on his way to sweet talk an old woman.


Heechul watched as Jae left the room shutting the door behind him and then told Kyuhyun.  “You should thank God everyday for Ryeowook.  Imagine dealing with that psycho princess everyday.”


Kyuhyun let out a thankful breath, “Ryeowook has his moments…weeks…but damn.  The whole giving in thing…I need a refresher course in that, because I suck at it lately.”


“It is fear inspired trust me.  In the old days I never gave in so easily.”  Yunho admitted reluctantly.  “I could get up and run then though.”


“They used to have such grand battles that would leave Junsu crying like a bitch in the corner and Yoochun packing his bags to return to America.”  Heechul said fondly remembering the old times.


“What did Changmin do?”  Kyuhyun asked curiously.


“He just ate…lots or tormented Junsu.” Yunho answered thinking back to those old fights.


“Giving in always makes everything easier and I used to be so good at it, but now it’s like I can’t.”  Kyuhyun explained to Yunho seeking the elder’s advice.  “I used to apologize for stuff, when I didn’t even know what I was apologizing for.”


“My poor bunny won’t give up on his Amazon dream and in return he isn’t getting any.”  Heechul said tussling Kyuhyun’s hair.


“Stop.”  Kyuhyun said moving his head away trying to escape Heechul’s hand.  “It isn’t funny.   He isn’t giving in.”


“And he’s not going to.”  Ryeowook said walking out of the bathroom and taking a seat next Heechul on the bed. “I hope you have lots of fun with Eunhyuk and Donghae.”


“Eunhyuk and Donghae?”  Yunho asked smiling at the three men sitting on the bed in front of him.


“My true friends, who are willing to take this most awesome adventure of a life time with me!”  Kyuhyun told Yunho quickly but he was bending forward looking at Ryeowook.


“Well when you are all suffering from Malaria together that should enhance your bond!”  Ryeowook shot back at him.


“Stop squabbling bunnies.”  Heechul told them knocking them both on the head gently.  “Back to the point I was trying to make earlier there is somebody we can trust and has been desperate to see you.”


“Who?”  Yunho asked.


“Kangin.  Ever since he got out of the army he has been intent on seeing you.  I think we should tell him.  He wouldn’t…”

“Like hell we are telling him.”  Jae said slamming the door behind him as he entered the room again.


“What do you have against Kangin?”  Yunho asked his eyes following Jae as he returned to his seat.


“He wouldn’t tell anybody.”  Ryeowook insisted.  “He really wants to see Yunho, he feels bad that he was stuck in the army all this time.”


“Kangin is a blabber mouth when he drinks.  He always has been and he isn’t going to blabber about Yunho while he’s having celebration drinks on Yunho’s behalf.”   Jae told him scornfully.


“He isn’t drinking anymore.”  Kyuhyun pointed out annoyed.  “I think you are judging him on the past and not for the man he is now.  He’s changed.”


“Forgive me if I can’t help but be cynical, Kangin doesn’t have to be drunk to blabber.  He never met a woman he wasn’t deeply in love with.  He isn’t going to be telling any of Yunho’s secrets to a woman he barely knows.”


“Listen here…”  Heechul stood up immediately ready to take Jae on, on behalf of his friend…


“Stop!  Heechul, would you bring my wheelchair over here?  I want to go outside.  I want to show you my favorite place.  Do you mind pushing me?”  Yunho said interrupting them instantly.


Heechul smiled in victory as he moved to get the wheelchair, “I would love to.  There is so much I have to tell you.”


Jae just sighed and gritted his teeth and shook his head at Yunho which caused the other man to reach out and touch his leg.   “You are right.  I am not disagreeing with you.  I just need to make him understand.”


Jae let out a breath looking relieved and clutched Yunho’s hand, “Sorry, it’s just that I can’t help but feel scared that the peace around here is going to be lost sooner than later.”


“Sooner is good though…walking on my own.”  Yunho insisted squeezing Jae’s hand tightly.


“I know.”  Jae said bitter sweetly as Heechul pulled up with the wheelchair.


“You ready to hop in?”  Heechul asked happily as he locked the breaks.


“I will do it.”  Jae said getting up instantly and unlocking the breaks and positioning the wheelchair closer to the chair then locking the breaks again.


“You know I am a little familiar with these chairs, so don’t act like you are some sort of expert.”  Heechul told Jae shaking his head annoyed.


“I never claimed to be an expert on a chair.”  Jae said as he reached down and Yunho wrapped his arms around him.   Jae pulled Yunho up and rotated him to the chair easily.


“He is very good at maneuvering me though.”  Yunho admitted as he sat in the chair and positioned his right leg where he wanted it.


“Well isn’t he special?  Are we ready to go?”  Heechul asked his eyes on Ryeowook and Kyuhyun who were still sitting on the bed looking confused at what they were supposed to do.


“Yep, let’s go.  Kyuhyun, you are with us.  Ryeowook, stay and keep Jae company would you?”   Yunho kindly ordered as Heechul began to wheel him out of the room.


Kyuhyun got up quickly to follow them only sparing his lover one sympathetic look before escaping the room with Heechul and Yunho.


“Well isn’t this nice?”  Jae told Ryeowook with a big grin on his face as soon as the other men were gone.


“Yeah.”  Ryeowook agreed feeling very nervous suddenly.


Jae sat back down in his chair and leaned forward, “So, I have been meaning to ask.  Why exactly do you spend so much time cooking for my Yunho?”


Ryeowook’s eyes darted around the room and back to Jae, “I cook for everybody.  I love to cook.  Yunho Hyung, doesn’t like the food here so it’s the least I can do.”


“Isn’t that sweet of you” Jae said his eyes turning darker and his smile fading.


“He of course would rather have your cooking, but…but you are with him all the time so how could you possible cook for him?  It’s the least I could do.”  Ryeowook said smiling at Jae hoping whatever crazy idea that was floating around in Jae’s mind would soon be gone.


“If that’s all it is, then that’s sweet, but I am a little leery.”  Jae told him with a twisted smile as he leaned back in his chair and started examining his fingernails.


“Why?  You can’t poss…possibly think?”  Ryeowook began to sputter.


“Why not?  You are pretty, feminine enough, beautiful voice and you like to cook….why wouldn’t I be suspicious?  Yunho doesn’t do gay for just anybody; he likes his princesses…soft”


Ryeowook jumped off the bed his mouth wide open in shock, “What?  No way!  I don’t think of Yunho Hyung like that!”


“I swear if you start denying that you are gay, I will most likely laugh myself into oblivion.”  Jae said the darkness gone from his eyes and replaced with amusement.


“No, I wouldn’t deny it.  We both are and we both know how important this secret is to keep, the harm it can cause.  The havoc that can be unleashed if the wrong person finds out.   The damage…”


“Cool it short stuff.  I am not threatening your secret.  I am just pointing out that I am done harming Yunho.  If he marries some stupid brainless twit and has three kids with her I will deal and be the best friend…best Uncle Jae that I can be.   But so help me God the same rules do not apply if he hooks up with the likes of you.”  Jae told Ryeowook watching the other man stare back at him as if he were mad.


“He would never hook up with another man.  The choice Yunho Hyung made to give you up cost him dearly.  He did it for his family, not because of any desire to be with anybody else.”  Ryeowook insisted squeezing his hands together tightly.


“His beloved family and his bastard father.”  Jae spoke the words with so much vile that Ryeowook flinched.


“It would be very hard to live such a lie, a life of lies if you did not have the support of your family…because one misstep then they will pay the price along with you.  It must have been so hard for Yunho Hyung when his father threatened to disown him…it was not an easy choice for him.”   Ryeowook tried to explain very nervously.


“Do you have the support of your family?”  Jae suddenly asked starting to feel ashamed for badgering the younger man.


“I have the support of a wonderful family.”  Ryeowook assured him as he sat back on the bed. 


“My sisters might suspect, well one insists she knows and probably enjoys it more then she should…I never dissuaded her like I should have.  The others all think it was just fan service that their….”  Jae stopped turning to Ryeowook curious now.  “Why are you so close to Yunho now?  You weren’t before.  You weren’t a trainee with us.  Why so close now?”


Ryeowook just stared back at him unsure of what to say.  “Well…well…”


“They have ducks here!”  Kyuhyun yelled running into the room almost out of breath.  “You love ducks!”


Ryeowook jumped off the bed, “I do!  I love ducks!” 


“I know!”  Kyuhyun said as he grabbed Ryeowook’s arm and started pulling him toward the door.  “Let’s go look at the ducks!  We have to hurry because it will be dark soon!”


Ryeowook turned and cast a quick glance at Jae who looked at them as if they were completely nuts, “Bye!”


Kyuhyun closed the door behind them and pulled Ryeowook down the hallway toward the door that lead to the grounds out back.  “Not my smoothest lie I must admit.”


Ryeowook who hurried to keep up with Kyuhyun, “No, but it was perfectly timed.”


Kyuhyun slid his hand that was gripping Ryeowook’s arm down to his hand and held it tightly, “You are going to miss me when I am in the Amazon.”


Ryeowook smiled at him as they existed the building and walked out onto an empty back patio.  “Of course I will miss you.  I will worry about you every second you are gone.”


Kyuhyun stepped off the patio still holding Ryeowook’s hand and started running toward the creek where Heechul and Yunho were waiting.  “This is why you should come with me.”


Ryeowook halted suddenly causing Kyuhyun to stumble and fall on his butt.  Kyuhyun looked up at Ryeowook outraged.  Kyuhyun was about to start ranting when Ryeowook bent down and placed two fingers over his mouth hushing him, “Oh, I want to come with you…right now.  How thick are the trees back there?  Do they provide good cover?”


Kyuhyun’s eyes opened wide with delight, “After four weeks of not so much as goodnight kiss…you are giving in?”


Ryeowook looked down at the man who was still sitting on the ground and smiled shyly down at him, “Yeah.”


Kyuhyun jumped to his feet.  “In the woods?”


Ryeowook just grinned, “Well if I am going to consider the Amazon trip…then I thought it would be good practice at roughing it.  What do you think?”


“I think I love you so much!”  Kyuhyun said grabbing Ryeowook’s hand again and heading for the woods. 




“So what exactly are your plans once you are free of this place?”  Heechul asked as he leaned against Yunho’s wheelchair as they looked over the water and watched the ducks swimming.


“I want to continue with the company, but I don’t want to be a model or act.  I want to continue to entertain with Changmin, and I also want to write my own music.  I am not sure how that will work though.”  Yunho admitted reluctantly.


“There isn’t anything you won’t be able to do.  What you did, what you came back from…your options are limitless.  The people will always support you.”


“I will never be able to dance again, so there goes one option.” 


“Don’t say that.  You have been doing things for weeks now that nobody thought was possible…for over a year to be exact.”  Heechul said coming around to the side of the wheelchair to look disapprovingly at Yunho.


Yunho laughed, “I will walk again, and I might even be able to run if I am lucky but the precision that I would need for dancing...that’s lost.”


“It isn’t like you to be so pessimistic.”  Heechul scolded.


“I was getting there before the accident.  I had to fight against it everyday.  I think something in my brain is different now.” 


“What do you mean?”  Heechul asked worried now.


“I just think differently.  Where my pride or vanity would stop me…or limit me before it doesn’t now.  I say things now that I would have never have said before.”  Yunho tried to explain to the man staring down at him studying him intently.


“Like what?”


Yunho sighed and looked guilty as he met Heechul’s eyes, “Yoochun was here not too long ago.  I accidentally overheard him and Jae fighting and it was nasty.  Yoochun thinks Jae is wasting his life away here with me and Jae well, well he didn’t play fair.  I couldn’t see Yoochun but I can imagine the bloody wounds that Jae’s claws left in him.”


“Yoochun doesn’t know you came out of it does he?”


“No, not at all.  He has no clue.  Jae guards that secret with his life.  The point is that Yoochun is right.  Jae is wasting so much time here with me and he shouldn’t.  We are not going to end up together and if I had any conscience at all I would send him away.  But instead I told him I wanted him here with me.  I fed into his need for me.  I knew exactly what I was doing and I did it anyway.”  Yunho explained avoiding Heechul’s gaze as he watched the ducks head out of the water to get ready to roost.


“Are you sure you are not going to end up together?”  Heechul spoke the words his keen mind knew to be a high possibility but his obvious distaste colored them. 


“Yes.”  Yunho replied too quickly making Heechul frown.


“You two don’t look like two people who can be apart.  It’s just not him either your eyes are always on him.   I think you forgave him or you love him too much to care anymore.” 


“I do love him, maybe more than I did before…but.”  Yunho turned to look at Heechul who was trying his best not to look ill.  “You don’t want to hear this, but I assure you we will not be riding off into the sunset together.”


“You need somebody to talk to so talk.”  Heechul insisted laying a comforting hand on Yunho’s shoulder.  “How can you be so sure you are not going to ride off into the sunset together?  Do you still want to sing?  Don’t go back to SM, they can’t keep you now.  You will be untouchable when you return so go with Jae instead.  Join JYJ, God knows your fans would be delighted.  Changmin will go where you go…be happy Yunho, you deserve it.  I might disagree with your choice, but be happy.” 


Yunho smiled up at Heechul, “You are a dear friend, but I would rather jump in the creek there and take a swim then join JYJ and the people they surround themselves with.  I can’t work with Yoochun or Junsu ever again.  I can’t even begin to forgive them.  Every time that I think I should, that it would be better to forgive something shuts down in me.  Also I love Jae, but I am not in love with him.  It would never…”  Yunho paused as Heechul broke out in laughter.  “I’m not!”


“Liar.”  Heechul snorted. 


“I am not lying.  He touches me and nothing happens, nothing.  It’s like I am dead inside.”  Yunho admitted turning red.


Heechul immediately stopped laughing, “You mean…you mean you can’t get it up?”


“Not with him.”  Yunho said slinking further down into his chair.


“But you have tried?”


“Oh, he tries…all the time.  Sometimes he isn’t awake but he is still trying…but nothing.”  Yunho admitted shutting his eyes tightly.


“Are you sure it isn’t a…a physical problem….umm maybe you know…”

“I am sure.  Everything is in fine working order.”  Yunho insisted holding his left hand up.


“This must be quite an ego blow to our flowery queen.  I think I might just have…”  Heechul stopped when he heard a loud moan followed by incoherent mumblings coming from the distance.


“Was that?  I mean it’s been a long time but I am pretty sure that was.”  Yunho stopped suddenly squeezing his lips together.


“Orgasmic moaning?  Those damn bunnies!  I am going to fucking kill them!”  Heechul said storming off in the direction of the loud moaning.


“That’s okay you go.  I will just stay here.”  Yunho said laughing so hard he was holding his stomach.


Heechul stopped suddenly, “I can’t leave you.  Hell!”  Heechul said as he turned around to return to Yunho and pulled out his phone.  Yunho watched unable to suppress his amusement as Heechul paced around the wheelchair waiting for the bunnies in question to answer.  “Why Ryeowook my precious pet, your boy is being a little loud don’t you think?   Have you fucking lost your mind?  Stupid!  Stupid!  You just better be glad I am stuck with Yunho or…”


“What’s going on?”  Jae asked as he walked up to the two men.


“Hello Princess of the Divas!  When did you arrive?  Hear anything good lately?”  Heechul asked loudly still with his phone open so Ryeowook could hear clearly.


“Just your crazy ass.”  Jae said going to Yunho’s side and looking very protective as he asked the man, “Are you okay?” 


“Perfect.” Yunho said smiling as he watched Heechul listen intently to the phone. 


“Are you sure you’re not tired?  They will be bringing dinner in soon.”  Jae said, running one hand through Yunho’s hair as the other clutched his arm.


“They can bring all the food they want.  I am going to be eating Ryeowook leftovers for a week.”  Yunho said leaning into Jae’s touch.


“Well I am off to save the children.  It seems they fell into the water while trying to catch a duck.  What a most unfortunate accident!”  Heechul explained with a wicked grin as he took off down the creek in the direction of the earlier moaning.  


“A duck?”  Yunho couldn’t help but ask.


“Apparently Ryeowook is a big time duck lover.”  Jae said as he unlocked the breaks on Yunho’s chair.  “I am going to take you back inside it’s starting to get chilly.  You can’t afford to get sick.”


“Okay,” Yunho answered with a huge smile on his face as he imagined an outraged Heechul catching up with the younger men and forcing them in the water.


“What are they going to do with a duck even if they catch it?”  Jae asked as he started pushing Yunho back.


“Duck soup?”  Yunho offered, fighting the urge to laugh.

Okay lol! At the Kyuwook Heechul convo.
“Why Ryeowook my precious pet, your boy is being a little loud don’t you think?   Have you fucking lost your mind?  Stupid!  Stupid!  You just better be glad I am stuck with Yunho or…”

Favourite line ever! That and the whole Kyuwook moment.
lol wow, kyuwook wood smex :D
poor jae, wook too that was so mean of jae to interrogate him
i hope yunnie will fall back in luv, and eventually get it up for jae XD
LMAO! I love Heechul! A true friend even if he hates your decisions he will support you and I have to agree with Jae. Kangin would blab and then the world would know and then Yunho would be stressed and then Jae will have to smack a bitch or bitches in this case. -sigh- As much as I hate to say this I agree with Chuie, as much as I want Min here he doesn't deserve to know. I mean if he wanted to know what was up he would visit him even if it was just once a month...I bet Im would shit bricks if he showed up and found Yunho awake and Jae there and Jae would shit bricks (and ducks) just by seeing Min. XD
(and ducks) LMAO

Heechul is brutally honest with his opinion always, but you never doubt his friendship.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
“As if. I was hoping this would be a visit free of the psychotic ex…who can’t quite comprehend what ex means.” <--LMAO~

ooooh...ryeowook is such a sweet soul defending jae like that. and donghae being a groper. XD i see him grope kyu a couple of times, too, just enough to set off kyuhae shippers. LMAO~

*gasp* kangin? i didn't expect that. i think whatever relationship these bbs have i would have to know/learn soon.

gaaaaaaaaaah~ jae sizing grilling ryeowook. :(

“I have the support of a wonderful family.”<--turned me to mush. i would never get tired of the Chos. OHGAWD, kyu is so sweet holding ryeowook's hand like that (i am a sucker for KW holding hands) i've become a pile of goo now. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! first that chrismas challenge and the promise of shower smex, and now the woods! XD i am a pervert because i am liking the idea too much. NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA anyway, i guess ryeowook decided to give in after that talk with jae. he must have realized how lucky that he was not in jae's place and suffering from a damage caused by a revenge gone so wrong.

and: “Orgasmic moaning? Those damn bunnies! I am going to fucking kill them!” Heechul said storming off in the direction of the loud moaning. *()^&^%#ASDJHP(*^D(&*%WEJKLbipu6(*&%)(*&JH#9086&*^(&*)&% *dead* kyu and


i love how you constantly surprise me with everything. it keeps me interested (i have very short attention span, sadly), and wanting for more. again, you are the best (you fed me KW goodness, so, yeah). thanks for making my year. my head's going to be up in the clouds until the year ends because of this. kry in japan would prolly be stingy in fancams, but i'm fine with it since i have this to read again and again today. :D

this is NOT TFAN, so what the hell am i doing just spazzing and not really giving any comment on yunjae? XD

and so i feel uncomfortable with this new yunho. you never write down all of what everybody thinks therefore there must really be something wrong with (or screwed about) him (of course, there was something more when he said something was just dead inside him). i wonder how he will ever manage to love jae like that, not mistaking it as romantic. does it always have to manifest your response physically if somebody touches you? i'm not sure if i was clear about what i just said. but anyway, the point is, i don't want yunho to be so confused in the end, and i definitely don't want him to get back at jae for the damage the latter had cost, in any way. but it's your call, and all i have are just rantings. XD heechul against jae at this point...hmmm...jae couldn't really fight back what with all the truth in heechul's words. and somehow it gave the impression that he was halfhearted in his counterattack, or was almost not trying. hahahahahahahaha my mind is right outside where everybody is enjoying the festival, so this is my excuse why i am not making sense. forgive my weird comment, or better yet, ignore it. XD
im reading ur fic on the train, again. Anyway, why yunho, why???? Why do u still act like u're smitten by jae? And man, i dont like jae at all, i still cant like him...he's soo obsessed. I hope changmin visits soon, if it means more angst and revelations. Thanks for updating bb..:)
the last time i got this update in my inbox was chapter 8 =__= gotta catch up naooooo (>.<)//
wow... i was speechless, i thought i'd see some bloody scene involving our two divas.... but... amazing....
Love your story!!

But I can't stop wondering about Jae! I mean, is he really just like this - like this crazy - or is there something much deeper going on??!! Cause if Jae is just this crazy thats kinda creepy!

I know what you mean and in a future chapter I try to explain his crazy better.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
"...giving wide berth to Heechul and Jae who were now in a sneering contest."

For some reason I just can't let this one go; I can just picture it. And who better than Jaechul?

Great vignette!
Yunho's the one being selfish here: he doesn't intend to rekindle the flame with Jae and yet he still tells Jae he wants him there. Why give him false hope? Especially since Yunho knows that Jae has a ton of obligations elsewhere. Part of me feels like he's also doing this to get back at Yoosu subconsciously: keep Jae by his side and JYJ will only have Yoosu to maintain their hectic schedules. Well, i doubt Jae would leave if Yunho told him to but it's the principle of the matter.

Ryeowook is a total sweetie and I felt badly that Jae interrogated him. Heechul annoyed me since his first appearance in this fic. It's not because he's anti-Jae, more that his personality is very grating. I would take Changmin's hatred over Heechul's self-righteous wiser-and-more-fabulous-than-thou attitude any day. Just personal preference.
I have always tried to make both my YJ boys at fault...screwed up in the head. It was just easier for some to see Jae's because he wasn't hurt. Yunho isn't perfect either and now that he's feeling better he will have more unflattering moments.

In TFAN Junsu told Eunhyuk that the Yunjae relationship was a roller coaster, and I am going to do my best to show that.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
this is so funny! Jae is insane. I'm almost scared for Yunho.
I still feel so bad for Junsu :( I can't get over it and Yoochun T_T
ok. I don't know why I feel ad for Junsu, but Jae got him drunk and then screwed him T_T
Jae single-handedly destroyed all of them and now he is fixing Yunho, but I want him to fix all the others. Even though I know it can't be done in reality, I would love it if he realize that there are other people than Yunho being hurt here because of him and would stop being selfish and obsessed. sometimes I feel lie I absolutely love him in this fic, but when I think about it I can't help but dislike him.
I do not mean to sound too odd,but I actually understand Jae and think all the others in this story ,starting with Heechul,are dumdass including Yunho.Jae loves fully,freely,strongly.The story is going well but Yunho needs to wake up and smell the truth,no one will love him like Jae(even with all his Divo moments)please continue.Blessed be
I cannot help but feel like Jaejoong pondering over that soon the peace that he fiercely wants to protect is going to crumble down soon. Although, it cannot be avoided and eventual, it's just a bit disconcerting thinking about the possibilities it will bring.

Yunho seems to be very set in the things he want in the future. It's just been a few weeks but he has seriously thought about what he intends to do, which directions he can take etc. And I can't help but wonder because he was quite curious about Go Ara visiting in this chapter, does he plan something to do with her in the very near future? Or is just the feeling that goes along with realizing that despite everything you're not forgotten?

I cannot help but wonder how Jaejoong would fit into Yunho's plans for the future too. I'm sure Jaejoong would always go the extra mile and more in Yunho's bid but what if he doesn't ask for him then. I wonder what he would do too.

I will try not to over think this but instead I will patiently wait for your next update or until this story reaches that scenario, I will have to patiently wait more until then. ^^
Now as the story moves forward Jae will become more and more afraid of losing Yunho as his strength returns. He knows everything will change once Yunho's family finds out their golden son as returned to them.

Jae doesn't know how to be Yunho's friend.

Go Ara will also be showing up in the story, perhaps sooner then later.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Awwwwwwww. This one felt rather light hearted in comparison. Leave it to Heechul. Never hated him in this fic. He's kinda like Jack Sparrow. Knows which buttons to push. Kekeke.

Kyuwook was effing hilarious. DUCKS!!!

And yeah.. Yun... you're in love with him. :)

I hope there will be a mega angsty OT5 scene or like lead ups to it. *fantasizes* *prepares for battle*
I am glad you like Heechul. He's too fabulous to be hated.LOL

KyuWook are my sweet pairing.

I promise much more angst.:):):)

Thanks for commenting.