Damaged, Chapter Thirty Two

Title: Damaged
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: R
Genre: Future AU, Drama, Angst

Summary: On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family. The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness. Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, pride, selfishness, and forgiveness.

Previous Chapters

That evening, Yunho sat on his pallet in the middle of the living room with an old smile that had been gone from his face for years. How his world had completely changed its course in less than a day’s time amazed him. Junsu had only left an hour earlier when Jae had called saying he was on his way back.

Yunho and Junsu had spent the afternoon together talking everything out. They had fought, cried, and laughed together and both of them had kicked themselves for not having this conversation years ago. Their brotherly relationship was far from fixed but the healing had begun, and Yunho could feel it deep in his bones…his soul. Yunho smiled and couldn’t help but laugh as he remembered back on the friendly game of cards that he and Junsu had started playing and how easily their competitive nature had taken over.

“What’s so funny?”

Yunho jerked around to see a very dressed up Jae standing over him. “Just life,” Yunho told him as he took in the sight of Jae. Yunho couldn’t help but notice how amazing Jae looked. In his sleek black suit and beautifully styled black hair…Yunho smiled, so glad Jae had not gone blonde again.

“That’s so odd that you would say that considering your life is anything but funny,” Jae told him, as he moved back toward the door leading to the garage.

Yunho watched closely as Jae walked out into the garage and soon returned with a handful of groceries. “There better be delicious take out.”

“So demanding,” Jae scoffed, as he sat the groceries on the counter. “Have you watched the weather today at all?”

“It’s going to snow tomorrow…it’s going to snow a lot. Where is my food?” Yunho demanded in a teasing tone, causing Jae to send him a haughty look as he walked back out to the garage.

“Can you at least go to the table?” Jae questioned, walking back into the house with another bag of groceries and a sack of take out.

“Yes, I can,” Yunho said, smirking as he stood up walking to the table without his cane causing Jae to frown and glare at him.

“Are you just torturing me or did you forget you have to use a cane to walk?” Jae asked, setting the take out down on the table in front of Yunho.

“Torturing you,” Yunho replied, as he grabbed the sack of take out and started going through it. “I am starving so you have to forgive me,” Yunho told him, as he grabbed a container of barbeque beef.

Jae’s eyes softened as he started putting the groceries up. “Why are you starving? This house is full of food. Easy food that doesn’t require any preparation at all.”

“I am sick of easy food,” Yunho said, with his mouth full of food as he savoured the taste of the meat.

Jae shook his head and looked around the kitchen. His eyes closed in on a pot on the stove. “Did you cook?” Jae’s tone went up several octaves as he told Yunho, “I did not give you permission to play with fire! What if the house burnt down? What if you had a seizure and the house burnt down with you in it? What if you were burned alive?”

“Jae, seriously…chill”

“Don’t tell me to chill,” Jae protested, as he reached in the cabinet and grabbed two glasses. “These are real concerns.”

“I didn’t cook,” Yunho told him, as he chomped on the meat.

“Really? You just put a pot on the stove to torment me? Not cool, Yunho,” Jae told him, highly irritated as he headed back to the table.

“Junsu cooked ramen for us. I just watched,” Yunho told Jae, his eyes never leaving Jae as he just casually threw the truth out at him.

Jae froze instantly and both glasses fell from his hands crashing to the floor. “Jun…Jun…Junsu…was here?”

“Smooth move,” Yunho told him, peering over the table to look at the shattered glass all over the floor.

“Yunho, quit playing with me! Was Junsu here?” Jae asked, still not moving from his spot.

“He showed up not too long after you left and he was here all afternoon. We talked, and then we talked some more,” Yunho told Jae, watching the panic break out on the other man’s face. “Jae, it wasn’t awful. There isn’t any need to be scared. It was so much better than I could have ever imagined. It was good that he came.”

“It was good?” Jae said weakly, somehow making it to the table with his suddenly weak legs and taking a seat.

“It was really awkward at times…it was almost like he thought I was taking his confession at first. Then we got more comfortable with each other. We should have fought it out years ago. It was good.”

“You said you hated him. You freak out when anybody mentions him. You wouldn’t let him visit you in the hospital, but it’s all good now,” Jae said in utter disbelief.

“I was wrong. I thought I could never forgive him, but I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. Junsu and I both failed each other. We both know that now,” Yunho tried to explain to Jae who looked on the verge of hysterics.

“You forgave…what we did?”

“Junsu was a fool. He thought he could play with you and not get burned…who would be more sympathetic or understanding of that particular flaw than me?” Yunho asked honestly.

“Is that what you two did? Did you two bond over how you are both my victims?” Jae stood up, trembling. “Let me tell you right now…you two have nothing in common when it comes to me. Nothing!”

Yunho’s eyes widened as he watched an outraged Jae shaking all over. “I know we don’t.”

Jae blinked not expecting that response. “You know?”

“Just sit back down and try to be calm. I am not angry with you. It wasn’t team up on Jae day…it was more like fix Yunho and Junsu day. Our issues were so much more than the result of just that one day. I won’t lie and pretend like it wasn’t the worse part though. Junsu and I had lots to get out in the open,” Yunho told him, as he toyed with his dinner.

“First I want you to tell me why you and Junsu are not the same,” Jae demanded, refusing to sit back down as he stared at Yunho.

Yunho shook his head at Jae and then told the other man what he needed to hear. “You are in love with me. You have always been in love with me…even when you were making my life hell…you were still in love with me. You love Junsu in your strange way, but you were never in love with him. You used him as a means of revenge against me.”

“It sounds horrible when you say it like that, but it’s the truth. Although he wasn’t completely innocent, he wanted things from me too. It’s not my fault if I am irresistible to everybody, except for one painful exception,” Jae explained, as he sat back down at the table.

Yunho couldn’t help but smile at Jae’s vanity. “Speaking of painful, I am pretty damn sure that Junsu doesn’t find you irresistible anymore.”

Jae’s jaw dropped open as he tried to find words and Yunho started to laugh at his shocked expression. “Just what the hell did you two share?”

“More than I ever wanted to know,” Yunho assured him.

“Yunho…did you actually talk about…” Jae stopped suddenly, unable to find the words.

“Yes, we talked about everything…he gave me all the dirty details.”

“Why? Why would he tell you that? All the dirty details?” Jae asked, placing both his hands on the side of the table and gripping it tightly.

“I told you he was acting like he was at confession or something. I assure you he gave me all the dirty details of the experience he calls and I quote his ‘most horrendous, shameful memory’. Poor, poor Junsu,” Yunho told Jae, trying not to grin at the look of horror on Jae’s face.

“That’s just wrong. I mean, why would he share that with you? You of all people…he has apparently lost his mind,” Jae sputtered, as he got up and grabbed a broom to sweep up the broken glass.

“Like I said, it was awkward. But he felt like he had to confess it all to me. All this time I was jealous of something that was nothing more than a nightmare for Junsu. If I never hear Junsu say, ‘sore ass’ again it will be too soon,” Yunho told Jae, covering his mouth to hide his amusement at the unreal situation.

“Stop! Don’t you dare laugh! I will hit you with this broom if you laugh!” Jae told Yunho as he swept up the glass. “I was in a hurry.”

“Jae, no lube and his first time…that’s so wrong,” Yunho told him, cringing.

“I told you I was in a hurry!”

Yunho smirked. “I wonder what would have happened to me say five years ago if I tried that excuse on an unprepared you.”

Jae emptied the dustpan of glass into the trashcan and turned to Yunho with both hands on his hips. “I think you are enjoying this too much…and the fact that you two talked about it is just sick. Sick! What happened to prude Yunho who can’t talk about sex without slurring his words?”

Yunho raised his head back up and looked properly chastised. “Apparently I can talk about other people’s embarrassing sex stories just fine,” Yunho told Jae. Yunho watched Jae fuming and couldn’t help but find him sexy…which caused Yunho to do a double take. He blinked his eyes as he cleared his head of such thoughts. He couldn’t remember the last time he thought of Jae as sexy.

“I don’t even know why he would tell you such a thing.”

“He wanted to clear the air…get rid of all the elephants in the room. It was the strangest conversation of my life, but I have to admit it worked. It’s a shame I didn’t know back then that he was in so much pain. I could have offered you some pointers,” Yunho couldn’t help but add evilly.

“You are awful! I wasn’t trying to make it pleasant for him! I didn’t want him coming back for more! It was done to smite you not to pleasure him,” Jae snapped at Yunho as he sat two glasses of water on the table.

“Sorry, but I can’t help it. It’s been a really weird day. I will stop talking about…” Yunho stopped, realizing what he had said.

“Oh, it looks like I am going to be able to shut you up after all,” Jae said with a grin as he walked closer to Yunho.

“We are in a really good place right now…I don’t think you should go jeopardizing it with this stupid sorr…” Jae cut Yunho’s words off when he placed his hands on both sides of Yunho’s face and bent down and kissed him. It was a quick kiss on the lips and then Jae pulled away without forcing more.

“Is that innocent enough for you? I didn’t jeopardize anything, did I?” Jae asked sarcastically, walking back to his chair and sitting down to eat.

“No…no,” Yunho agreed, shaking a little as he still felt the touch of Jae’s lips on his.

“This is delicious. I am glad I stopped to get it,” Jae said, as he opened up another container of noodles and started eating.

Yunho looked at Jae to comment on the food and stopped as he watched Jae slurp up a noodle. He paused for a moment, not saying anything as he tried to come to terms with his feelings. “The barbeque is excellent too,” Yunho said, clearing his throat as he ate another piece of meat. Jae reached across the table and grabbed for the container of barbeque that Yunho was holding in his right hand. When Jae’s hand gently brushed up against Yunho’s he suddenly felt paralyzed and he let go of the container quickly almost dropping it but Jae was able to catch it in time before it spilt.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Yunho didn’t hear Jae’s question as he silently cursed himself. When Jae had touched him he felt that old electricity again. Why now? It had been gone since he woke up at Clear Creek but it was most definitely back now. This was not good.

“Yunho!” Jae shouted, causing Yunho to jerk back to reality.

“What?” Yunho asked, avoiding eye contact with Jae, picking up his glass and taking a big drink of water instead.

“What’s wrong with you? Is your side giving you problems?” Jae asked, concerned as he started to get out of his chair.

“NO!” Yunho yelled too loudly. “Stay where you are…and continue eating. It isn’t anything.” Yunho chanced a quick glance at Jae to see that he was looking at him concerned. Yunho quickly latched onto the excuse that Jae had given him. “Ever since Junsu showed up my side has been a little weak. I almost fell earlier today when I first saw him, but he caught me.”

“You weren’t weak earlier when you walked to the table without any help or your cane,” A now suspicious Jae pointed out.

“It comes and goes. I think it’s just the shock of seeing him. I was slurring off and on all day today.”

“No, you weren’t,” Jae, who had talked on the phone with Yunho many times during the day, pointed out looking even more suspicious now.

Yunho just stared back at him and wished the man wasn’t always so observant when it came to him. “I was slurring earlier when you called, I just hid it from you. It’s been a very weird day so let’s just let it go,” Yunho said, stuffing more food into his mouth.

“Are you sure there isn’t something else going on? Did something happen with Junsu that you need to tell me about?” Jae asked, his eyes trying to pry Yunho’s secrets from him.

Yunho stuffed more food into his mouth and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with Jae again. Yunho knew for certain that he did not need to be looking into those big, beautiful, concerned eyes right now. It was way too dangerous. Yunho needed to think…this was no good if he was attracted to Jae again…and he most certainly was. Attraction wasn’t even a strong enough word for it…it was like the crazy feeling that had consumed him during most of their years spent together. Did Junsu’s visit somehow cure him? Did Junsu’s humiliating confession somehow destroy the barrier between them? What did that say about Yunho if another man’s most humiliating moment cured his wounded psyche?

“You’re scaring me,” Jae said, suddenly jerking Yunho from his inner turmoil. To Yunho’s horror Jae was standing beside him. Jae reached down a hand and placed it under Yunho’s chin forcing him to look up at him.

Jae’s touch was like an electric current shooting through him, Yunho scrambled back in his chair almost tipping it over. Yunho reached out grabbing the table keeping the chair from tipping over and yelled, “Don’t touch me!”

Jae winced and took a step back as he suddenly came to a conclusion. “Oh, I get it. It’s my touch.”

“No, not at all. I don’t know why you would think that. Nothing has changed. Your touch has no affect on me,” Yunho nervously blurted out, bumbling over his words oblivious to the hurt expression on Jae’s face.

“Don’t lie to me! The thought of having sex with me makes your soul sick…and now after seeing Junsu you can’t even fucking touch me! I disgust you that much!” Jae said, stepping away from Yunho with unshed tears in his eyes.

“What?” Yunho asked, completely surprised at Jae’s assumption as he watched the other man take off for the master bedroom.

Jae swung around glaring at Yunho. “Don’t even bother trying to hide it. I am just going to bed. I will see you in the morning.”

Yunho watched Jae walk into the master bedroom slamming the door behind him. The cowardly part of Yunho that was more scared of what Jae could do to him than bullets to the head realized instantly that the misunderstanding was a blessing. The passion was back and Jae’s simple, innocent touch had awakened parts of himself that he thought were long dead to Jae. What Yunho felt for Jae had always been more powerful than anything he had ever felt for anybody else. For so long that feeling had been gone, for it to suddenly waken was very unsettling.

Yunho knew that if he were smart he would call Changmin now and leave…not risk any future hurt. The cowardly parts whispered that friendship was for the best, for both of them…they could never truly be together in this world.

Yunho stood up, ignoring the weaker parts of his soul, and walked toward the master bedroom. He couldn’t let Jae think he disgusted him - it was a lie. Jae’s touch had never disgusted him. To let Jae think so would only cause the other man unnecessary pain. That Jae was so insecure now that he had jumped immediately to the conclusion that his touch disgusted Yunho was so unlike him. Jae was supposed to be vain, cocky, and confident in his sexual prowess…not insecure. Yunho couldn’t stand to see Jae like this. He opened the door and found Jae in the process of unfastening his tie. “You’re wrong.”

Jae turned around quickly to see Yunho leaning against the doorway.

“Yunho, don’t even bother to come up with excuses.”

“Your touch doesn’t disgust me.”

“You don’t have to lie. You can’t help how you feel. I can’t control how I feel, but I can control how I act. We are good. Just give me a minute and I will be fine,” Jae told him half-heartedly, as he ran a hand through his hair nervously.

Yunho looked down to the floor as his mind demanded that he use it. “Isn’t it for the best this way? We only have nine days left before life separates us again. Wouldn’t it be harder if we were lovers and had to separate?”

“No,” Jae told him adamantly. “Nothing will make our separation easier for me. My love for you will not decrease or increase if we make love…it couldn’t increase because it’s already more than anything in this world.”

Yunho swallowed looking back up at Jae. “I don’t…”

“Stop. You don’t have to say anything. It hurts but it’s going to be okay. I have nine more days to spend with you…as my friend and I don’t plan on making them difficult for you. Just let me get out of this blasted suit and I will be back to myself shortly,” Jae promised him with kind, merciful eyes.

Yunho smiled back at Jae, not expecting such an unselfish response from the other man. Jae was known for pushing and pulling, not for bowing out gracefully. Yunho looked at Jae and he felt the love he had always felt for the other man without any mental barriers of his own making between them. Yunho banished the coward from his being and told Jae using the old, confident voice that he had all but thought lost forever, “I’m sorry.”

Jae who was in the process of taking off his tie stopped and blinked surprised at Yunho’s words. Jae looked into Yunho’s unflinching gaze and his eyes widened in excitement as he saw something old and familiar in his look. The look on Yunho’s face let Jae know he knew exactly what he had said and he wasn’t searching for excuses or reasons to escape from the consequences.

“Yunho?” Jae questioned, unable to hide his hopefulness. Jae could feel his desire building and leaving him breathless as he slowly moved closer to Yunho. Jae licked his lips as anticipation built up inside of him. Was his wait about to be over? Yunho had purposely apologized to him…Yunho knew exactly where such a thing would lead.

Jae recognized confidence in the man leaning in the doorway, something that had been gone since Yunho awoke from his year long slumber. He wasn’t leaning in weakness but instead he was waiting for Jae and watching him with passionate eyes. Jae stepped up closer and gasped as Yunho grabbed his tie and pulled Jae into a heated kiss.

Jae moaned into the kiss that burned with that old fire that he had yearned so long for. Jae threw his arms around Yunho’s neck, pulling him closer as they kissed hungrily. Their tongues battled for dominance, each wanting more and more of the other. To Jae’s delight Yunho’s hands were pushing his jacket off his shoulders as they explored his body, causing Jae to break away from the kiss and throw his head back in relief. Yunho’s lips were soon moving down Jae’s neck sucking, biting, and teasing driving Jae insane. Jae’s whole body trembled as it basked in the touch it had longed for. Yunho’s mouth never left Jae’s skin as his hands slid down Jae’s shirt and went to work unbuttoning the other man’s pants.

Jae’s hand reached down and pressed against Yunho’s clothed crotch and whimpered in relief as he felt the hardness of Yunho’s cock underneath his clothing. Jae caressed and gently squeezed the cock through Yunho’s sweatpants and thanked every God he could think of for Yunho’s arousal. Yunho moaned and pushed himself against Jae’s hand. Jae smiled and then glided his hands up Yunho’s chest underneath his shirt savouring the feel of the man’s skin, and then suddenly yanked Yunho’s shirt over his head tossing it on the floor staring at Yunho’s chest hungrily.

“How I have missed you,” Jae whispered as he kissed each one of Yunho’s nipples. Yunho, who had helped rid Jae of his pants, pulled Jae back up into a desperate kiss. The kiss came to a sudden stop as Yunho lurched forward bracing himself with one arm against the doorframe as Jae pushed Yunho’s pants down and wrapped a hand around Yunho’s hard cock.

“Jae…” Yunho moaned, feeling his legs weaken as he was forced to hold himself up by his arms. He swallowed and tried to maintain his balance as he watched Jae’s tongue dart out licking around one nipple and then the other before sucking one into his mouth while at the same time stroking Yunho’s cock. “Jae…please…” Yunho barely managed to get out of his mouth his mind a blur of sensations.

Jae looked up at Yunho with big eyes while still sucking on his nipple and then let it go reluctantly and told the other man, “I swear if you stop us now…I might die.”

Yunho shook his head. “We need to move to the bed before I do something extremely unromantic like fall on my face.”

Jae smiled at him and started to unbutton his white dress shirt, the only clothing either of them still had on. “I’d catch you.”

“Don’t,” Yunho said, reaching out with one hand and stopping Jae from removing his shirt. “Let’s not take any chances.”

Jae’s eyes widened as he remembered Yunho’s dislike for his tattoos. “Oh, I agree. Now come to bed where I can enjoy you properly,” Jae ordered, as he took Yunho by the arm and led him to the bed.

Yunho soon found himself pushed down on the soft bed by a very pleased Jae. Yunho smiled up at Jae more than ready to continue, when Jae startled him by walking off toward the closet. “Where are you going?”

“Lube…it’s been four years. We are going to need it. I am going to need it,” Jae said the words to Yunho happily as he grabbed his bag from the closet and went through it.

“And condoms?” Yunho added as he sat back up in bed on his elbows watching Jae. He couldn’t help but laugh at the irritated look on Jae’s face as he turned around to look at him.

“If you insist,” Jae grumbled, reaching back into his bag.

Yunho plopped back down on the bed, “Well I guess you have been tested three times.”

“I have been!” Jae said, suddenly sounding extremely excited as he walked back to the bed with only the lube in his hand.

“I haven’t been though.”

“Oh, yes you have been. You have been tested for everything under the sun during all your hospital stays,” Jae said, moving back to the bed he straddled Yunho and purposely grinded down against him. “Plus your disease is my disease.”

“You are my disease,” Yunho hissed, as he thrust up almost knocking Jae off of him, but Yunho caught him and pulled him down for a sloppy, wet kiss.

Jae broke the kiss and looked down at Yunho taking in all his beautiful naked skin. “If I am dreaming and somebody wakes me up I will fucking kill them. I feel like I have been waiting for this for all of my life.”

Jae moved back down for another a kiss, but Yunho reached a hand up and pressed it against Jae’s chest, stopping him. “Jae, it’s been a really long time…and my body isn’t like it used to be. I can’t help but feel a little nervous about this.”

Jae sat up and took both of Yunho’s hands and squeezed them. “It’s me and there is never any reason to feel nervous around me. We have done it all and seen it all…remember our first time?”

Yunho laughed. “Not something I am likely to forget.”

Jae smiled down at him. “Nobody knows your body like I do. Nobody loves it like I do. I have watched it accomplish miracles it’s so much stronger than you give it credit for. Making love is going to come so easily. We will start out with whatever is comfortable for you…but I should warn you I intend to be fucked good and properly for nine days with only minor breaks in between.”
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