Damaged, Chapter Thirty Three

Title: Damaged
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: R
Genre: Future AU, Drama, Angst

Summary: On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family. The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness. Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, pride, selfishness, and forgiveness.

I want to thank Amy and Kinmotsu for all the help and encouragement they both provide me. I haven’t a clue how Amy has tolerated me for so long…or how Kinmotsu ever did. Also a humongous thanks to all the wonderful readers out there who take the time to comment. Keep the comments coming and I will keep the updates a flowing!

Previous Chapters

Jae was smiling when he woke up the next morning snuggled up close to Yunho. Jae rolled over on his back away from Yunho and immediately covered his mouth with his hands as he fought back laughter born of pure joy. He stretched out his arms smiling like a virgin groom on the morning after his wedding night.

Jae’s whole body shook with joy and relief and he felt lighter than he had felt in years. So many of the burdens he had been carrying had left him. He sat up quickly and looked down at Yunho who was sleeping soundly with his mouth wide open and his tongue hanging out, oblivious to everything but his world of dreams. Jae reached down a hand and gently touched the other man’s long hair. The laughter died away and he tried to blink away the tears as his emotions started to overwhelm him. Jae focused on his breathing as the certainty of Yunho’s love washed over him, cleansing him of the self-hatred that had toyed with him for so many years.

“I should wake you up and show you how much I love you,” Jae whispered, as he watched Yunho sleeping peacefully. Yunho always said Jae slept the sleep of zombies, but that only came after weeks and days of no sleep. The zombie sleep could only be achieved when he was with Yunho, but his excitement kept him from finding any such sleep this morning. “You need your sleep though because we didn’t get any last night,” Jae reminded himself, well aware of the doctor’s warnings about the importance of sleep for Yunho.

Jae reached his hands back up to cover his face as a huge smile broke out on his face as he thought about the night before. Jae had no idea what had caused Yunho to suddenly change his mind but he was eternally grateful. Jae fell back down on the bed as he tried to find words in his own mind to properly describe the change in Yunho from indifference to….

A knock on the door had Jae sitting up fast as he glanced at Yunho, who was still sleeping undisturbed. Jae crawled out of bed mumbling under his breath, “I swear to God if Junsu gave away this place to the fans I will string him up by his balls.”

Jae stood and bit his lip as he felt a tinge of soreness but smiled again knowing it wouldn’t limit him in anyway. “Really can’t wear this to answer the door, can I?” Jae said as he looked down at his shirt that was covered in sweat and cum.

Jae turned back to the bed to make sure Yunho was still sleeping and then he threw off his shirt and happily slipped on Yunho’s sweats and shirt that were still tossed on the floor from the night before.

Jae gently shut the door to the bedroom as he headed to see who was at the door knocking. He peered through the peek hole and frowned when he saw Yoochun standing on the porch.

Jae swung the door open. “I swear if you and Junsu give this place away to fans I will kill you both!”

Yoochun’s mouth dropped open after seeing Jae as he took in the other man’s appearance. “I would ask how you are doing…but I am pretty damn sure you are doing just fine.”

Jae couldn’t help but smile. Jae slipped out the door shutting it behind him and just smiled at Yoochun, “You have no idea.”

“Oh, I think I do,” Yoochun said, shaking his head. “If the mauled neck wasn’t a big enough clue, than the SM T-shirt that clearly isn’t yours would give it away. Oh, and not to mention the giddy ‘I’ve just been well fucked by Yunho’ smile I haven’t seen in years.”

Jae just smiled brighter as he reached up and touched his neck. “He marked me. Usually he knows better but he couldn’t control himself last night,” Jae said, smiling like a fool as he backed up against the door and slid down till he was sitting on the floor of the porch. “You are right, I’m giddy.”

“You are,” Yoochun said, still shaking his head trying not to laugh at the other man.

“If it was anybody else here with me I would be embarrassed, but I’m not since it’s just you,” Jae said, rubbing his bare arms.

“Jae, why don’t you invite me in the house or move so I can go in the house. It’s too damn cold out here and it’s starting to snow,” Yoochun said, reaching for the doorknob.

“No!” Jae said, kicking Yoochun’s foot away. “We can’t go inside. I am not waking him up. I want him well rested.”

“I am sure you do,” Yoochun told him, snorting, “but I came here to talk with him.”

“No!” Jae said, standing back up, the giddiness gone for now. “You are not upsetting him.”

Yoochun gave Jae a puzzled look. “I don’t want to upset him. I just want to talk to him. Junsu has been going on non-stop about how wonderful it was talking to Yunho after all this time. They like hugged and made up…I want to hug and make up too.”

“No! They made up because Junsu shared humiliating stories with Yunho…till Yunho felt sorry for him. You won’t be like that. You won’t admit you were ever wrong about anything and it will turn into a fight,” Jae said, stretching out his hands against the door protecting the entrance.

“Junsu didn’t apologize for the three of us leaving SM, he only apologized for the shit he pulled with you. I can also apologize for that too. The apology is long overdue. If he can forgive Junsu then he can forgive me too.”
“Junsu hasn’t hated on Yunho while he thought he was in a vegetable state. Yunho never overheard me fighting with Junsu about wasting my life away for him,” Jae said, not moving from the door.

“Overheard…he was listening that day?” Yoochun asked shocked, instantly knowing what Jae was talking about.

“He was,” Jae said, nodding his head.

“How could you not tell me?” Yoochun demanded. “You let me say all that while he was listening…you are such an asshole!”

“I didn’t know he was in the bathroom listening! I didn’t know till recently! He has also had my phone before and I know he looked at messages I got from the two of you when I was at Clear Creek.”

“Oh, but I didn’t know!” Yoochun said, defending himself. “I didn’t know he was awake. It isn’t like you shared those details with anybody…not even me!”

“Well I didn’t make you act like an ass. You wrote that shit on your own.”

“I am sure Yunho would have agreed with me if he really had been in the state you led everybody to believe he was in. He would not have wanted you wasting your life away either.”

“Well, maybe,” Jae admitted.

“Oh, so he did agree with me! I want to see him,” Yoochun told Jae, again this time more firmly.

“That isn’t the only issue! Most importantly he’s very sensitive about the whole tricking him thing,” Jae said, swallowing guiltily.

“Well he forgave you…you who had your cock shoved up Junsu’s ass. He also forgave Junsu, so he can forgive me too!”

“Junsu was drunk. You on the other hand were the sorry ass friend who went along with me,” Jae pointed out, causing Yoochun to flinch.

“At the time I think I remember you declaring that I was the best friend in the world,” Yoochun reminded Jae.

“I was insane! You should have stopped me,” Jae told him, not moving from the doorway.

“Oh, it’s my fault again. I thought it was Yunho’s fault? Hell, Yunho and I can bond over the crazy shit you do that we get blamed for. I am not going to be the only one that pays for that night when you and Junsu get off free,” Yoochun told him with certainty in his voice.

Jae seethed. “I will have you know I earned my forgiveness. I spent over a year of my life dedicated to him…even when he had no clue I was there. I have fought it out with him a million times. I stood in the den of wolves, his family and friends, with them all hating me refusing to leave his side. I have confessed everything to him knowing it only pushed him farther away from me. I accepted friendship from him when I knew that I would die loving him. I have paid for that night over and over.”

Yoochun took a step back and conceded. “I know you have.”

“My forgiveness wasn’t handed to me in one afternoon. I sacrificed everything for it. I will not lose him now…there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep him at my side forever,” Jae warned Yoochun as he rubbed his cold arms.

“What do you mean by that?” Yoochun asked, fearfully seeing something in Jae’s eyes that made him very uneasy about their future.

“I just don’t know…what it will be like when he wakes up. Last night something changed in him, and all his bullshit about being just friends vanished. We didn’t talk anything out…this reunion might only last as long as we are here,” Jae said, suddenly fearful what Yunho’s response might be when he did wake up.

“You said he wouldn’t leave SM,” Yoochun said, acutely aware of his friend’s change in mood.

“No, he won’t. They have been too generous with him. Paying for everything and…”

“He is their golden prize. People who couldn’t care less about the entertainment industry know of him…know what he did for Changmin. He built back their reputation single handedly. He is the most famous person in all of South Korea…maybe Asia. They won’t risk losing him…why else have they made it so easy for you to have access to him? They will not risk angering him,” Yoochun explained, as he walked over to the porch swing and sat down.

“I know,” Jae agreed, sitting down beside him. “Since his accident I’ve had easy access to him…I didn’t expect that. His mother had me thrown out of his room when she first arrived because she felt I betrayed her, but SM never asked me to leave.”

“The easy access is limited to you, though. Junsu tried repeatedly and only hit a rock wall. The security surrounding him isn’t a joke. That your sisters managed to get in was a miracle.”

“It was the two least vocal sisters…the others tried and were turned back repeatedly…even my parents couldn’t get near him. I actually think they didn’t recognize my sisters and they just slipped past them.”

“Or they wanted you gone. They wouldn’t let any of the managers, Junsu or I into the press conference but they did allow the security guards in. I think they wanted you gone but in the least obvious way possible,” Yoochun said, pondering what SM was up to.

“They let me back in easily though. Hell they walked me back up to his room and afterwards when I would leave or return to the hospital they always escorted me to my car and kept the fans off me,” Jae admitted, curious too as to why the company he hated so much was making it so easy for him.

“Like I said, they won’t risk making Yunho unhappy. Did he make it…”

“He made it very clear to everybody I was more than welcome. He threw his parents out of the room, but he never asked me to leave. Those first days after he woke up he barely let me out of his sight,” Jae said, with a huge smile on his face as he remembered Yunho asking for him repeatedly.

“Like I said, he is their golden cash cow now. The loyal hero that survived miraculous odds to rise again. They won’t do anything to anger him…they know they can’t hold him if he wants to break free.”

“He won’t leave though…I know he won’t. Whatever misplaced ideas he had about loyalty they are still there. He still thinks he owes SM something,” Jae explained.

“I am surprised that SM has not made an offer to you…I mean if they could get you back that would make for a very happy Yunho,” Yoochun told Jae nervously.

Jae turned away from Yoochun and admitted, “I asked Yunho if he wanted me to come back to SM.”

“Jae!” Yoochun said, sharply grabbing Jae’s arm. “You promised you wouldn’t!”

“He refused me so calm down. He said we both made our choices and we had to live with them,” Jae said, pulling his arm away.

“We are so fucked because I know you,” Yoochun said, grabbing Jae again and forcing him to look at him. “Once Yunho returns to SM and you have to go weeks without seeing him…maybe a month you are so going to screw me and Junsu over.”

“Yoochun…” Jae said, looking away from the man knowing the truth of his words.

“Hell SM won’t even have to ask. You will be banging on their door for them to take you back.”

“You have so little faith in me,” Jae said, trying to sound offended.

“I have faith in your love for him…faith that you love him more than you love me, Junsu, and everything we have built. I have faith that now your feelings aren’t hurt and you are basking in his love there is nothing that will keep you from him,” Yoochun said, shaking his head in dread as he saw the future play out in front of him.

“What if it’s Yunho who cracks instead? He loves me too. He has already forgiven Junsu and he will forgive you too…just not on my time. You can earn his forgiveness later,” Jae told Yoochun, still firm on his resolution not to let Yoochun in the house.

“You are deluding yourself. He will never leave SM you said it yourself. He regards them as his family…more than you, Junsu, and I were ever his family. It has to be ten times worse now after the lawsuit drama. He would never abandon them after they stuck with him. He has made it very clear who he is loyal to and it isn’t us.”

“You can just leave right this minute if you are going to talk shit about him. Why shouldn’t he be loyal to them? It isn’t just the management it is every member of every group, the stylist, janitors, and everybody else who works for SM.”

“I am not talking about him…I am just telling the truth.”

“The truth is we left. We were all unhappy with our contracts and wanted more…Changmin and Yunho too, but we are the ones that left. All of us failed each other and till you accept that you are not coming near him…go talk to Changmin instead.”

Yoochun cleared his throat, clearly agitated. “Would you stop being so dramatic for God’s sake? You are the one that said he might join us and I was pointing out the flaw in your insanity. He is never leaving SM and he would never leave Changmin…that my dear Jae is the honest truth. He might love you, but he would die for Changmin.”

Jae stood up and sighed at Yoochun, clearly annoyed as the other man’s words hit a sensitive area. “He wouldn’t have to leave Changmin because they are a packaged deal you retard. If you think Changmin would let him leave SM without him you are insane.”

“Jae, you need to put away any delusions you have of Yunho leaving SM to be with you…it might be your scariest delusion yet,” Yoochun said, flabbergasted at the man.

“I was just saying! It could happen,” Jae said frowning.

“He won’t have to because you will have already joined SM again. They will probably be really nice to you too…not wanting to risk the wrath of Yunho. You, Yunho and Changmin can be one big happy family again.”

Jae smiled instantly. “Changmin is softening towards me. He would never admit it but it is so obvious.”

Yoochun closed his eyes and leaned his head back. “Like I said, we are so screwed.”

Jae had the decency to look shamefaced. “You know if Yunho had never broken up with me that’s how it would have always been. I mean I was unhappy with SM…fucking hated them, but I would never have left him.”

“I know…and that’s why we fed into your anger and let you run amok. When you said we all failed each other it was the truth, but I think maybe we failed you most of all,” Yoochun conceded to him, with his head still back looking up at the porch.

“I have to go check on him, and I am freezing. You need to go now,” Jae said, eyeing the door anxiously, but hearing Yoochun’s words. “I won’t ever let anything come between me and Yunho again.”

Yoochun slowly got up from the swing giving Jae a bittersweet look. “I won’t interrupt your time with him. I might even go look for Changmin…I just don’t know what I will do.”

“I do love you…no matter what,” Jae said, pulling Yoochun into a tight hug but he never took his eyes off the door, anxiously waiting till he could go back inside.

“I know you do,” Yoochun said, pulling away from Jae.

Jae walked to the door and opened it, but then turned back to Yoochun who was heading down the porch steps. “The roads are probably getting slick so be careful…oh and if you do go and see Changmin remember to duck.”

“Advice you could have used a little over a month ago.” Yoochun said laughing, as he walked toward his car.


Yunho awoke to the feeling of the tickle of a tongue tracing the sensitive scar that ran across his abdomen. “Stop it,” Yunho moaned, as he wiggled in the bed trying to escape the tongue that was torturing him.

“No, I have to memorize your manly scar,” Jae mumbled, as he licked and flicked his tongue at the scar.

“Manly scar? I got attacked by a dead tree there isn’t anything manly about that,” Yunho said, laughing as he reached for Jae to pull him up for a needy kiss. Jae laughed at Yunho as he allowed himself to be pulled up to the waiting lips. Jae swiped his tongue across Yunho’s upper lip teasing and then fell into the kiss. The kiss was full of love and Jae knew if he died kissing Yunho he would die a happy man. Jae groaned as Yunho pulled away from the kiss. “You are freezing,” Yunho said, rubbing his hands up and down Jae’s arms.

“Mmmm,” Jae said incoherently as he found Yunho’s mouth again and slipped his tongue inside, kissing the other man deeply more passionately now.

“Why are you freezing…and when did you get dressed?” Yunho asked, turning his head away from the kiss to question Jae.

“No…” Jae whined as he went to work kissing and sucking on an uncooperative Yunho’s neck.

“Have you been outside?” Yunho asked as he reached for the comforter and threw it over the both of them. “I promise you pneumonia isn’t any fun.”

Jae stopped his ministrations on Yunho’s neck and rested his head against the other man’s chest. “You are bad to distract me. There are important things I need to do.”

“I’m bad? I was innocently sleeping when you started tickling me. Do you have any idea how sensitive my skin is around that scar?” Yunho asked as he continued to rub his hands up and down Jae’s cold, arms warming them.

“Hmm. I love ticklish, squirmy Yunho…although he distracts me. I had something I needed to do,” Jae insisted, as he found one of Yunho’s nipples and started sucking on it.

“I know what we are going to be doing really soon if you don’t stop,” Yunho said, his eyes rolling back in his head as he felt his cock come to life. “I’m not complaining, but what time is it?”

Jae let go of Yunho’s nipple instantly and sat up straddling Yunho’s groin and rubbing against Yunho’s hardened cock making Yunho whimper in a very unmanly manner. “Your medicine! That’s what I forgot.”

“I can take that later,” Yunho said, turning his head from side to side in the bed searching for the lube.

“Nope!” Jae said, jumping up from the bed quickly and going through a drawer where he had put clothing. “It’s already almost ten.”

“Don’t be cruel,” Yunho whined, as he folded his arms refusing to move as Jae threw a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt at him.

“A seizure would ruin all our fun,” Jae told him, as he grabbed a pair of socks and sat back down on the bed near Yunho’s feet.

“Grrr…don’t even think such thoughts,” Yunho said, frowning as Jae grabbed his feet and started to put his socks on for him.

“Quit fussing with me and get dressed,” Jae said, after he finished putting on Yunho’s socks and then grabbed the sweat pants and started to thread Yunho’s legs through them.

Yunho just lay on the bed horny and amused refusing to help Jae. “Do you have some new fetish that involves dressing me? I won’t protest if I get sex before breakfast.”

“I do not have a new fetish…oh, wait maybe I do,” Jae said, eyeing Yunho’s cock lustfully. “For something that showed me no interest for months it sure does like me now.”

Yunho nodded his head in agreement. “It’s seen the error of its ways.”

“About damn time. This is going to be quick.” Jae said licking his lips as he bent down and took the tip of Yunho’s hardness into his mouth.


You do realize the shirt you put on me has obscene chibis on it? If my mother knocked at the door I would have to run and hide…well crawl and hide,” Yunho amended, as he sat at the table waiting for Jae to serve him breakfast.

“Those obscene chibis are supposed to be us,” Jae told him, as he finished up at the stove.

Yunho’s mouth dropped open and he placed both hands over his chest, covering up the obscene chibis on his shirt. “Where did you get this?”

“Yunjae fans, duh,” Jae said, turning around to look at the red faced Yunho. “They are not doing anything we haven’t done and recently I might add.”

“I realize that but we do not look like chubby children,” Yunho said, pulling off his shirt and turning it inside out and putting it back on.

“And here I thought I had cured you of your prudish hang-ups last night,” Jae said, as he set the dishes on the table.

“This isn’t cold cereal!” Yunho said excitedly as he eyed the food deliciously as Jae walked back to get another. “This is…this is real food. It’s… you made Bean Sprout Soup.”

“And there is rice!” Jae added amused as he sat the rice down and watched Yunho’s amazement.

“I thought you didn’t cook? Wasn’t it one of your rules in life?” Yunho asked, looking at the food in awe.

“Well I still cooked, I just tried not to cook for others. Since I broke my other rule last night and I plan on breaking it again real soon…I thought I would reward you with good food.”

“Real soon, huh?” Yunho said grinning at Jae as the other man sat down at the table.

“You have to eat first. It’s important that you keep your strength up.”

“I have told you that I love you right?” Yunho said, as he took a spoon and started slurping down soup quickly.

“Yes, rather frequently but sadly you usually tack on ‘as a friend’ to the end of it,” Jae said, not even bothering to pick up a spoon as he watched Yunho eat.

Yunho looked up from his soup to stare at Jae. “Tacking that on now could be bad, huh?”

Jae nodding his head in agreement, “It could result in the loss of extremities and major blood loss.”

“It’s a good thing that I love you as my lover,” Yunho told him, smiling.

“Good thing,” Jae agreed. “Now take your medicine.”

Yunho just smiled as he opened up his pill bottles and poured out his medicine into the palm of his hand. “You know this is going to get so old so fast.”

Jae raised his eyebrows and questioned, “me telling you to take your pills?”

“No, just taking them…for the rest of my life,” Yunho said, popping the pills into his mouth.

“Yeah, that sucks…and not in the good life reaffirming way.”

Yunho couldn’t help but chuckle at Jae. “Nope.”

“Yoochun was here earlier,” Jae blurted out quickly, realizing he hadn’t told Yunho yet. He did not want there to be any lies or misunderstandings between them. “That’s why my arms were cold earlier. I was out on the porch with him. I wouldn’t let him in the house.”

Yunho stopped eating to study Jae. “What did he want?”

“Your forgiveness…maybe forgiveness is the wrong word. He just wants you back in his life,” Jae explained, watching Yunho as the other man seemed to be in deep thought.

“I don’t know what to say,” Yunho admitted honestly, picking up his spoon again. “Everything is so weird now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Seeing Junsu helped me…it’s like so much hate, insecurity, and anger just vanished after seeing him. I missed him more than I even knew.”

Jae eyes widened as something dawned on him. “Was seeing Junsu the reason you could finally get it up for me?”

“So nicely put, but yeah I think so,” Yunho acknowledged to the man sitting beside him.

“Hell! I didn’t even buy him a birthday present this year.”

“Well that’s my fault isn’t it? I was busy distracting you while I was trying not to die and all,” Yunho told him with warm eyes.

“Yes, it was totally your fault. You can make it up to me on my birthday,” Jae told him.

“I thought Junsu is the one you owe a debt too?” Yunho grinned and told him as he finished his breakfast.

“Happy Jae is a gift to all.”


“How long will I be happy, Yunho?” Jae asked, reminded of his fears from earlier when he had talked to Yoochun.

Yunho looked up at him confused. “What are you asking?”

“Last night you asked if it would be harder if we were lovers and had to separate after nine days. I told you nothing could make it harder, so was that the deal. We get nine days then it’s over? Are these nine days all I get?” Yunho just stared at Jae not saying anything, making the other man antsy. “Talk to me.”

“I know when we leave here our lives are going to diverge, but I don’t ever not want you in my life. If I could wave some magic wand where we could always be together and not hurt everybody around us I would. I am also…”

“Screw everybody around us. Yunho, what about us! What about not hurting us?” Jae demanded as he reached over and took Yunho’s hand.

“If you will let me continue…I am also not willing to give you up. I am in love with you, I am committed to you, and pretending anything else is just a lie,” Yunho explained to Jae, causing the other man to break out in a huge smile.

“Yes, I agree. If we have to go weeks without seeing each other…it will hurt but what we have is worth it. I would rather have a little of you than all of anybody else,” Jae said, squeezing Yunho’s hand.

Yunho sighed in relief. “Okay, then it is settled. Warring companies, families, and friends…we can totally handle.”

“Romeo and Romeo,” Jae told him, causing the other man to laugh. “But seriously we can hide our relationship….and I think the fans helped us before and I am sure they will again. They are just excited right now.

“Hide our lie,” Yunho said with a tinge of dread that Jae didn’t catch.

“They will. The fans will have our backs. I know they will,” Jae said, licking his lips.

“I hope you are right.” Yunho said, turning around in his seat to look out the window, fighting the uncomfortable feeling the lie was causing to stir inside him. “Wow,” he said, as he saw big snowflakes falling to the ground and already covering it.

“You are not allowed to go anywhere near the snow,” Jae told Yunho, as he eyed Yunho mischievously.

“But what if I wanted to take…What are you doing?” Yunho asked, turning around suddenly as Jae stuck three of Yunho’s fingers into his mouth licking them. Yunho watched in awe as Jae sucked and licked on his fingers coating them in saliva.

Jae leaned over the table till he was almost touching Yunho’s face and then pulled the fingers out of his mouth. “You have exactly three guesses as to what I want,” Jae said, as he gave Yunho a quick wet kiss before sticking Yunho’s fingers back into his mouth.

“I am not going to need three guesses.”

“Good.” Jae said, taking Yunho’s hand out of his mouth to grab the other hand and pulled Yunho from his chair. “I have some memories of our own I want to create that involve a fireplace.”

Yunho just laughed as he allowed himself to be led to the pallet in front of the fireplace.
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