Damaged, Chapter Forty

Title: Damaged
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: R
Genre: Future AU, Drama, Angst

Summary: On a cold winter’s day he cast their love away for the sake of his family. The following autumn an act of vengeance left their love beyond the reaches of forgiveness. Two summers later a fan’s anger and the ultimate act of self-sacrifice would redefine everything they knew about love, pride, selfishness, and forgiveness.

Previous Chapters

Please Read!!!
I have often wondered how I could thank people for commenting, so I decided that I would pick a chapter and give it early to the people who commented on the last one. I know this isn’t exactly fair, but it’s the best I can do. So instead of replying to your wonderful comments…I give you Chapter Forty early.
Please….please don’t share this chapter(my work) with anybody else. It will go public in a couple days.

Let me clarify...this was not friend locked.  I put everybody who commented on 39 in a special grouping and only opened this chapter to them.  That's why I friended so many of you.  I feel bad because I couldn't add the people who posted through Twitter.:(  Sorry! 

Jae stretched happily out on the bed the next morning as he listened to Changmin and Yunho fighting in the next room. Jae winced as he sat up in bed. “Yunho, you rough boy,” Jae said, smiling hugely at the thought of Yunho and their wild night of love making the night before. He loved it when Yunho lost control because it so rarely happened. Jae slowly got up and made it to the closet and grabbed a complimentary white robe to cover up his naked body.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! Since when do we keep secrets from each other?” Changmin demanded as he paced the room. “All this time I asked you over and over why you were showing such an interest! It was driving me crazy! You lied to me!”

“He asked me not to tell anybody…my mother was the only one that I told.” Yunho was dressed in dark blue suit as he tried to explain to the angry young man that he had not kept the secret from him in malice.

Jae strolled into the room extraordinarily gleeful and sat down on the couch and flinched as pain shot up his spine. He decided sitting wasn’t an option and just stretched out on the couch instead. “I am happy for you, baby.”

“When did he find out?” Changmin demanded as he pointed to Jae.

“Last night,” Yunho told an irate Changmin.

Changmin stared at Jae. “You are not upset that he lied to us for months?”

“There isn’t an angry bone in my body,” Jae said happily, pleased with all things this morning. “Works out good for me.”

“It does?” Yunho questioned as he looked as his glowing lover.

“Yes, you can get me a red Lamborghini to go with my white one now,” Jae said, licking his lips at Yunho, as he tried to reposition his hips till he was comfortable on the couch.

“You are so obscene,” Changmin told Jae, disgusted at him as he turned to glare at Yunho. “Luckily my brains have not been fucked out of me so you are just going to have to deal with me.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Jae said, giggling as he stretched his arms out over his head.

“God, help me!” Changmin ranted as he stormed into the other bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Yunho clenched his eyes closed as the door slammed shut and sighed, “This is not going well.”

“Baby, come here. I will make it all better,” Jae promised, reaching out a hand for Yunho, still gigging like mad.

Yunho walked over to his very giggly lover and just shook his head at him. “Baby,” Yunho repeated back to him amused at the endearments. “Can you even sit down?”

“Not without pain, but it hurts so good,” Jae told him as he wrapped an arm around Yunho’s right leg. “You were such a good leg last night. You never faltered once.”

“You are crazy, but God I love you,” Yunho said, shaking his head at his blissful lover. “I am not touching you for a couple days thoug…”

“No…no…no!” Jae interrupted quickly, as he sat up on the side of the couch and then immediately regretting it as he winced in pain.

“That’s why,” Yunho said as the other man stayed sitting up and hugged Yunho’s right leg. “You should go to the spa and relax while I am in the meetings today. The flight home isn’t going to be any fun for you.”

Jae, who was still hugging the right leg that helped deliver him the best sex he had since…since the last time he pissed Yunho off over four years ago, just smiled. “It will be our first airplane ride together in years. I love it already.”

Yunho bent down and encompassed Jae’s face in his hands. “You are such a romantic.”

“Kiss me.”

Yunho smiled at him and kissed him, but pulled away quickly before Jae could drag him down on the couch with him. “I have two meetings to go to and I have an angry Changmin to fix.”

“True. You go do that and I will just lay here and think of ways to piss you off again,” Jae said, laying back down on the couch.

“I’ve been dually warned,” Yunho told him, heading toward the bedroom that Changmin had fled to.


“This is complete and utter chaos,” Changmin said in complete awe as he looked out toward the crowd that had overtaken the airport.

Jae pushed Changmin out of the way to sneak a look through the blinds to see the massive crowd that had assembled at the Gimpo airport, when news from Japan had reached the fans that the three of them were arriving together. “I love it.”

Yunho, who was sitting in a chair in the waiting room that airport security had ushered them to, announced, “The airport staff isn’t too happy about it.”

“Well your staff isn’t happy either,” Changmin replied smartly, as he took a seat next to Yunho as they waited for the airport to set up barriers so they could make it to the waiting limo.

Yunho winced; the younger man had finally reluctantly forgiven him after he had spent a good two hours ripping into him. “They aren’t my staff.”

“Twelve percent of them are,” Changmin pointed out. “Actually come to think of it, you’re my boss too.”

“Don’t even go there,” Yunho sighed.

“Changmin, quit bitching at him. You keep acting like he stole your last cookie,” Jae snapped at Changmin. Jae was still peeking through the blinds delighting in the huge crowd.

“I can’t believe you are taking it so well. I thought you would be more upset.” Changmin stated, watching Jae who he had imagined would have thrown a fit.

“Why would I be upset? I am going to enjoy spending that old bastard’s money,” Jae said, turning away from the window to face them.

“You can spend your own money. You have plenty,” Yunho told him as he looked at the man who walked up to stand in front of him.

“Whatever, precious love of my life. You owe me one red Lamborghini,” Jae informed him as he nudged Yunho’s legs apart with his knees to stand between them.

“Hey! If you are giving out cars than I get one too!” Changmin said, brightening instantly.

“Nobody is getting a car. I can’t even drive. You two shouldn’t even mention cars in front of me. It’s rude,” Yunho complained as he tried to push Jae away, while he tried to fix the collar on Yunho’s shirt.

“I will totally forgive you if you get me a new car. I am thinking a Porsche would be nice,” Changmin said as he watched Jae fussing over an unappreciative Yunho.

“You already forgave me because you love me, not because I bribed you,” Yunho informed Changmin, while trying to grab Jae’s hands. “Stop it!”

“You stop it. I am straightening your collar. The return of fashionable Yunho at the airport has to be perfect,” Jae said as he won the battle and got the collar to lay how he wanted it to.

“I am totally uncomfortable,” Yunho complained of the clothing Jae had made him wear. Instead of spending the day at the spa, Jae had spent it shopping, vowing to undo the evils that Yunho’s stylist had inflicted on the man’s reputation during their separation.

“You look fabulous though,” Jae said as he gingerly sat in the chair on the other side of Yunho.

“Missing your pajamas?” Changmin asked, knowing Yunho all too well.

“They are not pajamas!”

“Yes, they are,” Jae told Yunho with a smirk.

“I am so glad you two are getting along now,” Yunho said sarcastically. He was obviously unhappy at being tag teamed.

“Hmmmf….where’s my car, old man?” Changmin told him, not even trying to hide his smile.

Jae clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. “You know what would make this so much better?

Yunho turned to Jae and gave him a deadpan look. “If you bought him a car instead?”

Jae wrapped an arm around Yunho and shook his head. “No, if Yoochun and Junsu were here too. It would be just like old times.”

Yunho turned to Jae and smiled uneasily as Changmin snapped, “Except the old times have passed and we can’t get them back…ever..

“We could try!” Jae said, not relinquishing his arm from around Yunho.

“We could try for something new. It won’t ever be the same but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad,” Yunho said, trying to reason with both sides.

Changmin cleared his throat and frowned at Yunho. “I know you had some kind of meetings of the minds with Junsu, and you felt so much better…and now you’re Jae’s bitch again, but….”

“Hey, he’s my bitch!” Yunho yelled defensively.

Jae, who still had his arm around Yunho, puffed his cheeks out in an effort to keep from laughing as he secretly shook his head no from behind Yunho’s back to Changmin. Jae finally controlled his laughter and kissed Yunho’s cheek. “Of course I am, and what a happy bitch I am.”

“My point being is that Junsu is stupid. It’s easier to forgive stupidity…”

“Harsh much?” Jae interrupted.

Changmin rolled his eyes and then pointed to Jae. “And insanity than it is true malice.”

Jae nodded his head he had to agree. “True, I was insane.”

“So you think Yoochun was all malice?” Yunho asked hesitantly, because the thought had crossed his mind more than once. Jae inhaled sharply and held his tongue as the lovers looked at the maknae waiting for his answer.

“He wasn’t drunk or smitten by Jae’s dubious charms. He wasn’t crazy with grief over your break up…he just wanted to destroy the bond between the five of us, so he could get busy making some real money,” Changmin explained, his eyes growing cold.

“That’s not true. It wasn’t all about money, and you know it. It was about personal freedom. The awful thing he did I begged him to do it,” Jae said, speaking up in defence of his best friend.

Changmin scoffed at him. “He called and arranged for Yunho to meet up with him. He made Yunho think you guys were considering dropping the lawsuit and returning to the group…that you guys just needed to talk it out. He then led Yunho into a trap knowing what was going on in there. If that isn’t malice then I don’t know the meaning of the word.”

“He just wanted to be free…he didn’t mean to hurt…”

“Yes, he did. We all knew that Yunho still cared for you. We all knew why he ended it. We all knew,” Changmin empathized, turning his cold eyes on Jae.

“Everybody except me,” Jae stressed, not liking Changmin’s implication.

Changmin scowled at him, showing his contempt. “You most of all knew. You did it to punish him. ”

“That’s not…” Jae began and stopped, when both Changmin and Yunho gave him looks suggesting they both knew otherwise.

“Jae, we are not rehashing this. It doesn’t matter. I love you. You love me. We are together and that’s all that matters,” Yunho said, taking Jae’s hand and clasping it. Yunho then turned to Changmin. “So you can forgive Jae and Junsu, but not Yoochun?”

“I never said I forgave Junsu. Stupidity is a lame excuse in my book. I just think he’s less cold hearted than Yoochun.”

“I hate hearing you talk about Yoochun this way….you two used to be so close,” Jae said, completely disheartened while still holding Yunho’s hand.

“Used to be…years ago. What we shared will forever bind us, but no more than childhood friends who grew up and moved on to separate lives. Yunho might still harbor dreams of a great reunion someday, but I gave up that dream a long time ago and so did you, Junsu and Yoochun,” Changmin explained.

Jae swallowed and looked at Yunho’s suddenly reflective face. “I lost my way for awhile, but it’s my dream too. You never know what the future might hold and you,” Jae said staring down Changmin, “are not an expert on Yoochun and Junsu…you haven’t spoken with them in years. You have no idea how Yoochun has changed…the guilt he carries. There is still hope for Dong Bang Shin Ki.”

Changmin snorted. “You three ended Dong Bang Shin Ki when you three walked away without us.”

“And you two ended Dong Bang Shin Ki when you didn’t walk away with us,” Jae shot back at Changmin.

“Fair enough, but since we all ended it then why do you care if we talk? Why can’t you just let it go? We parted as boys and we are all men now. Men who have very different ideas about things,” Changmin asked.

Jae squeezed Yunho’s hand tighter and pleaded, “I cannot let it go because no matter how you try to make little of the years we spent together…you know in your heart nothing has been right since we lost that bond. It might not be the same, but we have to try.”

“What do you want?” Changmin snapped, suddenly feeling cornered as Jae’s words started to seep in.

Jae smiled. “I want all five of us to meet in area of our choosing…just the five of us. Nobody else.”

“And if I do this will you stop harping at me?” Changmin demanded.

Jae smiled hugely and informed Changmin, “Nope, I always reserve the right to harp at you. I want us all to get together soon though.”

“Why soon? We have put it off this long,” Changmin questioned.

Jae sighed, “We have put it off too long. I want to do it before you two leave on your world tour.”

“We have nothing but solid practice for the tour for the next two weeks,” Changmin pointed out.

“We will find time,” Jae vowed.

Changmin frowned at Jae then turned his focus on Yunho. “Why are you so quiet, what’s up with you?”

Yunho swallowed, looking guilty. “There is something else I haven’t told you two.”

“What is it?” Jae asked, giving Yunho’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I’ve been thinking of going to a rehab in America,” Yunho softly told them. “I have been thinking about it since I was at Clear Creek.”

“What!” Jae exclaimed. Jae was shocked that Yunho had been considering this for so long and he was totally clueless about it.

“Bill told me about it months ago. There is one in New York that specializes in cases like mine. I could get back even more of what I have lost,” Yunho explained as he grabbed Changmin’s hand with his free hand.

“When would you go?” Changmin asked, swallowing nervously. Changmin was well aware of the frustration that Yunho tried to hide at his limitations.

“I don’t know. The world tour is coming up, so it would have to be after the tour,” Yunho said, answering his question as honestly as he could.

“How long would this rehab take…” Jae asked, suddenly filled with dread.

Yunho turned to him and smiled. “Months.”

“Months! It’s not just your schedule we have to consider. I have tons of commitments. I can’t possibly just jump up and disappear for months….it would look very bad,” Jae reasoned, trying not to show is hatred for the idea.

“Heaven forbid his rehab get in the way of your career,” Changmin snapped at Jae. Changmin knew how badly Yunho needed to do this. He had seen the pain on Yunho’s face too many times as the other man was forced to sit and watch others do what he loved.

“Shut up!” Jae said, jumping out of his seat and letting go of Yunho’s hand. “He’s perfect as he is. He still does his physical therapy every day. He walks around all the time without his cane…” Jae stopped to point at Yunho, “which I don’t approve of. We don’t need to go to fucking America. He can get all the physical therapy he needs here at home.”

“I am about to hit you again,” Changmin warned him, totally disgusted at Jae’s behavior. “You are the most selfish fuck I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, I know you didn’t go there,” Jae said, glaring at Changmin. “I know Mr. All About Me who didn’t visit him for over a year after he took a bullet meant for you, because you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself …did not just call me selfish.”

Changmin’s face turned red and he leaped out of his chair. “I know I made mistakes and…”

“Stop it!” Yunho roared, making the two of them stop and stare at him. “Stop fighting. There is nothing to fight over. I don’t even know if I will go. Jae, also if I do go that doesn’t mean you have to go with me.”

Jae frowned and he sat gently back down beside Yunho. “Of course I would go with you.”

Yunho took a deep breath and looked at his lover. “You don’t have to stay there and guard over me. I’m perfectly capable of watching out for myself this time around.”

“If you think I am letting you go to America for months without me you are apparently delusional,” Jae told him sternly.

“You are the delusional one…how the hell would you explain that? You got a free pass the first time because you were able to make enough appearances to appease the fans. You couldn’t explain going to America with him,” Changmin pointed out.

“I will figure something out. I always do,” Jae told them both but his eyes never left Yunho. “Are you going or not?”

“I don’t know. If I do go I will most definitely ask you to go with me, but if you don’t go I will perfectly understand. It will change nothing between us. I know how important your work is to you.”

“Ask me? You don’t have to ask me. If you go then I am going,” Jae hissed, offended at Yunho’s words.

“Jae, I am not trying to anger you. I know if I do go, there are many things we have to take into consideration. To just assume you would go is asinine on my part. Of course I will ask you.”

Jae snorted. “Okay, you asked. I am going if you go, so it’s all resolved now.”

Changmin shook his head at Jae, who seemed determined to miss the bigger picture. “Ji-Hye is who you should take.”

“Ji-Hye can come with us,” Jae retorted back quickly, reinforcing that he would be going too.

Yunho smiled at Jae and his insistence on not being left behind. “Her English is flawless, but I would probably pay Bill to come along. He is from around there and he could be a great help to me. Although I probably won’t even go…it’s just something that I have been thinking about for a long time.”

“Well I don’t think it’s necessary, but it’s your decision. I will support whatever you decide,” Jae told him, unable to hide his misgivings.

“Then that’s settled,” Yunho said, leaning back in his chair folding his arms and smiled. Although he was smiling, he couldn’t dismiss Jae’s qualms about going, but at the same time he couldn’t rid himself of the desire to be whole again. He knew if he did go and Jae followed him it would be like waving a huge gay flag to the masses.

Changmin sensing Yunho’s reservations immediately changed the subject, “Well if you do go I might even visit you…especially if you buy me a Porsche. I am thinking I would like a nice silver one.”

Yunho turned and grinned at the younger man. “I am not buying you a Porsche! I am….” Yunho stopped, as their manager walked back in with head of airport security that looked like he had aged since the last time Yunho had seen him less than an hour ago.

“Okay,” The man said, as he wiped sweat from his forehead. “There is a lot of crazy ass women out there….and girls that are possessed. We had to call in the police for reinforcements. It’s madness.”

“Really?” Jae said, jumping up from his seat very pleased.

“Are they singing?” Changmin asked in awe. The door was open now and he could hear the familiar lyrics of Hug.

Jae touched his chest. “They are just the best fans in the world. I love to hear them sing.”

The head of security held up his hand. “They are singing, but they are still dangerous,” he told them with wild eyes as if he was talking of a hungry pack of animals instead of fans.

The manager chuckled and turned to the three. “You each will walk out with two bodyguards at each side with security surrounding you. Yunho you go first, and then Changmin and Jae can follow up. Yunho and Changmin will get into the limo. Jae’s company has sent a SUV for him that will be behind the limo. You remember…”

Jae coughed interrupting the manager. “I have a problem with this.”

“And that is?” The manager questioned, trying to remain calm because he knew exactly who Yunho was sleeping with.

“We will all walk out together with Yunho in the middle. Bodyguards and security can flock all around us, but we are going to go out united. They can either ride home with me or I can ride of with them, but we are leaving together.”

“They are not riding home with you,” the manager informed him, “so I guess we will be escorting you home, unless Yunho or Changmin wish differently.”

“No, I agree. The fans deserve this,” Yunho informed the manager as he stood up.

“I agree,” Changmin said nodding his head, standing up beside Yunho.

“The barriers are up, but I am not sure how long they will hold. We have to be quick about this. Don’t encourage them in any way for God’s sake. Just hurry,” the head of security told them.

“Don’t worry, this isn’t our first rodeo,” Jae told the head of security as he latched a protective arm around Yunho.

“Nope,” Changmin agreed as he latched onto Yunho’s other side.

“So I am going to be walked to the limo?” Yunho asked irritated, as his gaze went back and forth from Jae and Changmin who both had a protective hold on him.

“Yes, it would be a shame if you fell and got trampled,” Changmin told his irritated hyung.

“Tragedy,” Jae agreed, tightening his grasp on Yunho.

“Okay boys, your public awaits,” the manager told them as he motioned them through the door.


“I won’t be long,” Yunho told Jim with tired eyes, as the chauffer opened the limo door for him. Yunho stepped out directly in front of the entrance of Jae’s building. Yunho was exhausted and in a foul mood, but luckily his speech and his right leg were holding up. For the past several days since they had returned from Japan he had been busy with concert preparations, and a new series of commercials that promoted healthy living. Yunho’s insistence to attend all SM meetings small or large had only added to his already heavy workload.

The chauffer raised one eyebrow, giving Yunho a look that said he was unconvinced. “I am here to serve you, Sir.”

“No, really I won’t be long,” Yunho said firmly, as he gave the chauffer one last look before he started up the stairs to the entrance with his cane. His bodyguard was close by his side ready to catch him if he faltered. The building security immediately greeted them and escorted them to the elevator that would take them to Jae’s floor.

“I am not going to be long,” Yunho told the bodyguard, that the fans had lovingly labeled YunGuard long ago.

“Of course not,” the bodyguard told with a small smile, as the elevator doors closed.

“I didn’t even want to come. He basically emotionally blackmailed me into coming. I am not staying the night. I am going home and I’m going to sleep. I have to a commercial shoot at 5am tomorrow,” Yunho explained grumpily.

“Whatever you say, Sir,” the bodyguard told him, with an expression on his face that suggested he didn’t believe Yunho at all. Yunho stormed out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened and deposited them on the floor that held Jae’s apartment.

Yunho huffed, mentally cursing all his staff for thinking they knew him so well. He also cursed his jackass lover who would not take no for an answer. Yunho stopped at Jae’s door and entered the password as the bodyguard took up his post outside the door.

“I hope you are happy all my staff has zero respect for me thanks to you. So know this, I am here to hear you bitch about your newest insane complaint…probably jealous of the air I breathe now. After I am done hearing you bitch I am going home. There isn’t going to be any sex of any kind,” Yunho yelled at Jae, as he walked into the apartment kicking off his shoes. The smell of food immediately engulfed his senses, and Yunho’s stomach betrayed him by growling. Yunho frowned and took off toward the dining room. He would not be tempted by food. “So don’t even think about begging, pleading, bribing, or crying for it because I’m not in the mood.” Yunho walked into the dining room and came to a dead stop.

Jae looked up from the table he shared with his adoptive mother and father and smirked at Yunho. “So how is it my fault your staff has zero respect for you?”

Yunho flushed red in embarrassment. “You said you were alone!”

“I lied,” Jae told him, as he sat at the head of the table with a parent on each side of him. “Would you have had dinner with me and my parents if I had told you the truth?”

Yunho looked at Jae’s parents and smiled awkwardly. “Of course I would have,” Yunho insisted, bowing to each of Jae’s parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it’s so nice to see you again.”

“Sit…sit Yunho, you look so handsome. It’s so wonderful to see you so healthy in person,” Mrs. Kim said, patting the seat opposite Jae. “Jaejoong cooked a wonderful meal for us. He’s such an amazing chef; if only my daughters cooked half as well.”

“Mrs. Kim, I really don’t have time to eat, I have to…” Yunho’s excuse died on his lips as Jae uncovered a dish of food that had Yunho’s mouth immediately watering. “I have to eat some of that Jja Jang Myun,” Yunho said, sitting down quickly.

“Mom, Yunho’s very busy lately he is preparing for a world tour, he’s going to all the SM business meetings, and didn’t you just come from shooting a commercial?” Jae asked as he filled Yunho’s plate full of food.

“Yeah, I did,” Yunho said, grabbing the plate. “I’ve been very busy. I just now realized I haven’t eaten since this morning,” Yunho explained, and then started cramming noodles into his mouth.

“That is not good, Yunho. You must take care of your body,” Mrs. Kim told Yunho in a disapproving voice, as she watched him eat with a warm, affectionate smile.

Mr. Kim studied Yunho closely as he hurried to eat. Mr. Kim had not been overjoyed when he had found out his son was gay, but he wasn’t really surprised. He actually was quite fond of Yunho, and was glad that he was back in his son’s life. Jae had been a reckless mess the years he spent apart from Yunho. “So you are interested in the business sides of things now?”

“Yunho makes sure SM doesn’t sacrifice any of the new trainees on the altar of their greed, and he makes sure all the idols get fed now,” Jae answered for Yunho smugly.

Yunho looked up from his food and glared at Jae and then turned and looked at Mr. Kim. “I am very interested, and they are encouraging me so I am taking full advantage of it. There are a lot of details that go into the management of a company the size of SM that most people never consider. I learn something new everyday.”

“There have been many news articles about SM lately and about the positive changes they are making. It’s a terrible shame that it couldn’t have happened earlier,” Mr. Kim said, taking a sip of his tea.

“Positive changes because of our brave boy,” Mrs. Kim said proudly, smiling at Jae proudly.

“Don’t forget Yoochun and Junsu,” Jae told his mother, but he was smiling at Yunho who was nearly biting his tongue off to keep from saying something rude.

“Your leaving did a world of good for all entertainers, but there seems to be something else behind SM’s sudden changes now,” Mr. Kim pointed out.

“Maybe somebody,” Jae said, winking at Yunho.

“Perhaps they have finally realized the errors of their ways,” Mr. Kim agreed.

“I was considering returning, but they wouldn’t have me,” Jae told his father.

“Won’t have you? You are the biggest star in all of Korea,” Jae’s mother said, shocked and offended for her son.

Jae smiled brightly at his mother’s description of him and pretended to be embarrassed. “Mom, you exaggerate.”

“I do not. You are a huge international star of grand proportions. Nobody is as handsome or as talented as you. Oh, and your voice…you have the voice of an angel. Angels weep when you sing. You write the most beautiful, meaningful songs. You direct grand concerts all by yourself. You are also a great actor. I watch your acting and it is so convincing that sometimes I even forget you are my son. You lose yourself in your parts, and become the role you are playing. Japan loves you too. The entire world loves you,” Mrs. Kim told her son with a look of total adoration.

Yunho suddenly knew the answer of how the Flowery Queen came into being. Yunho turned to Mr. Kim who was ignoring them and eating his meal. Yunho half listened as Mrs. Kim continued to praise Jae much to Jae’s unending delight. Yunho bit his tongue to keep from commenting on how Jae’s ego did not need anymore boosting when he looked down at his feet and saw Jiji staring up at him with big, huge, sad eyes.

“Jiji, what did he do to you?” Yunho gasped in horror as he picked up the cat that appeared heartbroken.

“He looks adorable!” Jae defended from the head of the table.

Yunho glared at Jae as he removed the pink, frilly sweater from JiJi. “No, wonder he hates you.”

Mr. Kim started laughing at Yunho’s outrage. “Isn’t that a male cat?”

“Dad, pink isn’t just for girls anymore,” Jae insisted.

Mrs. Kim saw her opening and pounced. “Jaejoong, if you had a child you could dress them however you wanted.”

“Mom, don’t even start,” Jae groaned, putting down his eating utensils suddenly losing his appetite.

Mrs. Kim pointed to Yunho and told her son, “Yunho has had the pleasure of a woman and it didn’t kill him. Did it, Yunho?”

Yunho cursed Jae silently for tricking him into have dinner with his parents, and turned to the grandchildren hungry woman and told her, “Nope.”

“You wouldn’t be angry if Jae impregnated some woman so he could give me a grandchild, would you?” Mrs. Kim asked Yunho with a hopeful smile.

Yunho turned to Mr. Kim for help but the man had switched from tea to wine and just gave him an encouraging, yet sympathetic smile. Yunho clung to Jiji tighter and answered her carefully, “A year ago it wouldn’t have bothered me at all.”

“A year ago the only thing that bothered you was smashed peas!” Jae declared, not amused in the least by Yunho’s answer.

Yunho smiled and thought back on the times he could spit at Jae and get away with it…too bad he couldn’t remember ever doing it. “Want the truth, Mrs. Kim? I don’t think he should ever have children. His cat hates him, and his poor dog ran away every chance it got. Babies scream when he holds them. Little children hide from him. He has the parenting instincts of a boa constric….”

“Yunho! You can stop now!” Jae snapped at him.

Mrs. Kim sighed and turned to Yunho. “What you say is the truth. I know this.”


“Jaejoong, it’s a bitter truth but yet the truth,” Mrs. Kim told her son, smiling sadly at him.

Jae pondered her words and then picked up his glass of wine. “So you are okay with me not having children now?”

“Absolutely not, you will just have to wait till you and Yunho marry. Yunho is fabulous with children. He can be the nurturing influence,” Mrs. Kim explained without batting an eyelash.

Her statement shocked Yunho so greatly that a noodle he had been eating went down wrong and he started coughing uncontrollably. Jiji jumped off his lap and started meowing at Yunho’s distress.

“Mother! I am never getting married…to Yunho! Do you know what that would do to my career?” Jae told his mother, furious at her suggestion.

“So you are just going to continue to live in sin?” Mrs. Kim snapped back at her son.

Jae stood up and told his mother, “Yes, I am going to live in sin forever. Wonderful sin! I’m never admitting to be gay. Ever! It would destroy my career.”

“Is he choking?” Mr. Kim shouted, jumping out of his chair as he watched Yunho who was clutching his throat now and turning slightly blue.

Jae who had his eyes on Yunho did not stop complaining to his mother as he rushed to Yunho. “Mom, why must we always have this same talk? How many times do I have to tell you I’m never having children and I am never coming out!” Jae grumbled as he yanked Yunho out of his chair and performed the Heimlich maneuver in one swift, smooth move sending the noodle flying out of Yunho’s mouth.

Yunho gasped for wondrous air as Jae turned him around and hugged him tightly. Yunho mentally cursed himself for ever answering his phone. He should never have come here. He should be at home sleeping, instead of almost choking to death on a noodle while he was forced to take part in one of the most awkward conversations of his life.

“Baby, are you okay?” Jae asked, pulling away from Yunho to give him a good looking over.

“Yes,” Yunho said, nodding his head as Jae pushed him back down in the chair.

Jae’s nasal passages flared as he turned around and glared at his mother. “Mom, you almost killed Yunho with your crazy ideas.”

Mrs. Kim snorted. “What are you going to do when you are old, Jae? You will wish you had children then.”

“I am never going to be old…well I am never going to look old,” Jae assured her, as he gently massaged Yunho’s shoulders comforting the man.

“So you two are just going to sneak around forever and never commit to each other?” Mrs. Jae told her son disapprovingly.

Jae gritted his teeth and attempted to control his temper. When he had his temper under control he told his mother, “We are very committed to each other, Mom. None of my sister’s love their husbands half as much as I love Yunho. Just because we do not want to destroy our entire life’s work doesn’t mean we are not committed to each other!”

“Jaejoong has a point. He would destroy everything he has built for himself if he came out,” Mr. Kim told his wife while he sat back down and poured another glass of wine.

Mrs. Kim folded her arms refusing to give in. She knew if Jae ever committed himself truly to Yunho then children would be in their future. Yunho’s love of children and her harping would guarantee her a grandchild one day. “Gay people have commitment ceremonies don’t they? Why can’t you have one of those things instead? I don’t think they would allow you to adopt though so you would just have to pay a woman to have your babies, or find a really loyal fan. There is such a thing as infertile insemination…you know?”

“Mom,” Jae screeched, horrified. “What part of never admitting to being gay do you not get? It would ruin my career!”

Mrs. Kim kept her arms folded and sighed. “I suppose it’s my lot in life to have a son such as you, but I feel sorry for poor Yunho.”

“Whhaat,” Jae spit out.

Mrs. Kim turned and gave Yunho a sympathetic look. “He tragically fell in love with somebody who cares more about appearances then he does family. I mean he won’t even grant his mother’s dying wish.”

Jae’s jaw dropped open and the hands that were massaging Yunho’s shoulders dug in tighter. “Mom, you are not dying!”

“We are all dying, Jaejoong! We live and we die! It’s the only certainty we get in this life,” she told him dramatically.

Jae just stared at his mother speechless as his dad sipped his wine.

“I gotta go,” Yunho said getting up quickly, before they started up again. Yunho suddenly felt very heavy as if the weight of the world was trying to suffocate him. “I’m tired…it’s nice seeing you two but I just have to go.”

“Yunho, go sleep in my bed. You are too tired to be going across town,” Jae told him from beside him with concerned eyes as he grabbed his arm.

Yunho shook his head. “I can’t, I have a 5am…”

“You can wake up here as good as you can at your apartment. You almost choked. I am not letting you go anywhere till I’m sure you are fine,” Jae said, leading Yunho toward his bedroom. “Just go to sleep. I will call and tell Changmin.”

Yunho allowed himself to be led into Jae’s lavish bedroom with its very white walls and carpet and its red furniture and bedding. He walked to the bed and just collapsed on it face first. He closed his eyes and inhaled the fresh scent of the clean linens.

Yunho felt the bed dip down beside him and soon he felt Jae’s hands combing through his hair. “Do you feel okay?” Jae asked, his voice full of concern.

“Just tired,” Yunho mumbled into the comforter.

“Roll over,” Jae told him. Yunho obeyed him without objection and he soon felt Jae unbuttoning his pants. “Lift your butt up so we can get these pants off of you.”

Yunho lifted up and Jae slid his pants off of him leaving Yunho’s boxers on. “I know you do not think that we are…”

“I know we aren’t. My parents are here in the other room, and plus you are kinda scaring me tonight,” Jae told him as he pulled the sheets and comforter out from under Yunho and covered him up with them.

Yunho opened his tired eyes to look up into Jae’s worried ones. “I am fine. I’m just tired.”

Jae ran another hand through Yunho’s hair and told him, “I am going to go get your pills then you are going to sleep.”

Yunho nodded his head and closed his eyes. Yunho listened as Jae left the room. Yunho had been well known for his forgetful behavior before his life altering brain injury, so he had medication stashed at his apartment, Jae’s apartment, in Changmin’s bag, in the limo, at his office, and his bodyguard always carried some with him.

Sleep eluded Yunho as his mind cruelly played back Jae’s words to his mother. Yunho’s life of lies was already in progress and it would continue till the day he died. He would never know the freedom of confessing his love to the world, but he would also never feel the condemnation of the world for loving another man. Yunho would never know the normalcy of love.

Changmin’s old dream of just being a normal student living a normal life drifted into his mind and he wondered if Changmin still had that dream. Was this comeback for Yunho’s sake? He reminded his drowsy mind to ask Changmin what he really wanted out of life. If Changmin still dreamed of normal things then Yunho would make sure he had them.

Yunho would never be allowed normal things. He was in love with a man who was anything but normal, a man that craved the spectacular. Spectacular fame, riches, beauty and love all things a normal life could never afford him. Yunho did not judge him because Yunho too had once craved these things, but Yunho’s life had changed forever when he had awoken in that strange room, a prisoner in his own body, and surrounded by strangers.

“Are you still awake?” Yunho was aroused from his inner contemplations by Jae’s voice. He focused his eyes and saw Jae peering down at him as he held a glass of water in one hand and his pills in another.

“Yeah,” Yunho said, sitting up and taking the pills and the water. He swallowed the pills and chased them down with a drink of water. “Thanks,” Yunho told Jae as he handed him back the glass.

“I sent my parents home with your driver. He said it wasn’t a problem. They are much more impressed with your limo than they are with any of my cars,” Jae told him as he undressed and flipped off the light.

“Hmmm,” Yunho mumbled as Jae slipped into bed and curled up around him.

“In bed before nine o’clock, aren’t I the rock star?” Jae laughed as Yunho pulled him in closer to him.

“You set the alarm?” Yunho’s sense of responsibility surfaced long enough for him to ask.

“Yes,” Jae lied as he snuggled closer to Yunho. “Just sleep. You need to sleep.”

Yunho’s eyes closed he knew Jae was lying, but he let him without argument. Silently thankful that Jae did not lack the selfishness to do what was best for Yunho. Jae loved spectacular things indeed, but his love…Jae’s love was the most spectacular thing Yunho had ever known. Yunho drifted off to sleep in the spectacular warmth of that love.
  • Current Mood: grateful grateful

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