Author: Aquariuslover
Pairing:  Yunjae
Length:  One shot
Rating: R
Genre:  AU
Beta: tahoeturquoise

Summary:  Smart phones, stupid people.

Author’s Note:  This is a short story AU based on a long AU—that my mind started telling five years ago.  (I never had time to write the long AU).   This story was inspired by a real life fight about texting and driving.   It’s been done for months, but after writing it I didn’t really like it.  I am only putting it up on my LJ for friends, so if you hate it….just remember I didn’t make you read it.

“Try not to spill anything.”

Yunho, who was sipping on a strawberry smoothie, turned to give the man driving the silver Lamborghini an indignant glare. “Try not to slam on the brakes.”

“Should I have killed the dog? I thought you were some great animal lover. Did the military cure you of this affliction? Your fans will be heartbroken that you are no longer the second coming of Saint Francis.”

“Jaejoong…” Yunho paused in an attempt to control his rising irritation. “If you hadn’t been driving 200mph and texting at the same time—the dog would not have been in danger in the first place.”

“If you don’t like how I drive, feel free to get out and walk,” Jaejoong snapped as he continued to divide his attention between his phone and the highway.

“You are the one that insisted that I ride with you to the party.”

“I thought we could catch up, instead you have done nothing but bitch the entire way.”

“You thought we could talk? Are you serious? You’ve been talking or texting on your phone the whole time.”

“Don’t be jealous, Yunho, it’s unbecoming of a straight man.”

Yunho gritted his teeth, biting back the response that immediately sprang to mind.

Jaejoong lowered his phone and gave the man sitting in the passenger seat a quick, knowing glance. “If you have something to say, say it.”

Yunho took another sip of his smoothie, ignoring Jaejoong.

“Real mature.”

“I am not jealous—I just don’t want to die. I didn’t just spend the last twenty-one months in the military to end up road pizza because you can’t wait to text somebody.”

“I did my time in the military also. You are not the only one who has been away. I have a lot of friends that want to hear from me.”

Yunho set his smoothie down between his thighs. “Then call them. It’s a lot safer than texting and driving.”

Jaejoong defiantly lifted his phone back up and started texting again. “I can’t. A call is too personal, and I want to create some allure of mystery…I might be interested in a few of them, if you know what I mean.”

“I thought you said you were texting friends.”

“Have you never fucked a friend? Oh, wait; I know the answer to that question.”

“Ooohhh,” Yunho responded slowly as something became suddenly clear to him. “Now I understand.”

Jaejoong put his phone back down and glanced at the other man. “What?”

Yunho just shrugged his shoulders in response.

“Understand what?” Jaejoong asked in a clipped voice as he turned his focus back to the road.



“I’d rather not say.”

Knowing he would not get more out of the other man Jaejoong hissed, “You look stupid in a buzz cut. Your head is too tiny.”

“Well, nobody would describe your head as tiny with a buzz cut—would they?”

Jaejoong instinctively reached up and ran his hand through his buzzed hair. “To think I ever wasted one minute of my life missing you.”

“Good, don’t waste anymore of your time missing me—because we are friends that see each other practically everyday,” Yunho hotly told the other man. “Nothing here to miss.”

Jaejoong pressed his foot down on the gas and the speedometer quickly hit 240mph. “You are right for once, nothing at all.”

“We are friends…like we both decided. It was a decision we both came to, and not some unilateral dictation on my part. So please refrain from acting like some jilted girlfriend.”

“That’s not what I am doing! I am fine with the decision we both made—perfectly happy with it! Fucking ecstatic!”


“Did you doubt it?”

“Jaejoong, I don’t want to doubt it. Things could become really complicated if you decided to renege on our promise.”

“I am not reneging on anything,” Jaejoong told the other man. “Maybe I am not hunting for a wife at this very moment—I’m still young.”

“Are you even dating women?”

Jaejoong swallowed and regretfully admitted, “No, I’m just enjoying time spent with friends at the moment.”

“Your parents want—”

“You don’t have to tell me what my parents want,” Jaejoong interrupted in a raised voice. “I will live a fake, dutiful life for them, but not yet.”

“It doesn’t have to be a fake life; you had girlfriends in the past.”

“Just shut up,” Jaejoong ordered; his whole body tense. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Yunho nodded his head.

“We were only sixteen when we made that promise…thirty seemed a lot farther away then,” Jaejoong elaborated, unable to stay quiet.

Yunho just nodded his head in agreement. Thirty had seemed a life time away back then.

“I know you are dating women,” Jaejoong blurted out, unable to stay quiet. “Have you found the perfect wife yet?”

“You just told me to shut up, so I am going to remain silent.”

“Answer me!”

“Of course not, we have only been back a couple weeks. It’s going to take longer than two weeks to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and be a mother to my children,” Yunho explained.

“So you didn’t have your eye on someone before you left?”

“You know I didn’t.”

“Have you screwed any of them?”

“I don’t see how that is any of your business.”

“So you have.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So you haven’t.”

“Jaejoong, just stop it.”

“Have you or haven’t you?”

“I am being selective! I am looking for a wife, not somebody who will spread their legs for me the first time I smile in their direction.”

“So you haven’t.”

Yunho just rubbed his face. “No.”

“I knew it.”

“Like I said, I’m being selective.”

“How long has it been? I know it’s been eight months since we met up—”

“What happened to us never talking about that?”

“We said we were never going to let Heechul and Kangin find out. Do you see either of them in the car?”


“So you haven’t found a wife yet.”

“Not yet.”

“No love at first sight?”


“Maybe you can only have that once in your life time.”


“I wasn’t saying we have experienced it,” Jaejoong explained as he picked up his phone and started texting again.

Yunho just sipped on his smoothie and refrained from reaching across the car to jerk the phone away from the other man. He forced his eyes away from the road in front of him and turned to focus on the scenery that flew by. He secretly hoped that if he started acting unbothered by the other man’s hazardous driving it would cause Jaejoong to drive less recklessly. He suspected Jaejoong was doing it to purposely piss him off.

Yunho was fighting to prevent himself from giving Jaejoong the satisfaction of knowing how much his driving bothered him when the car came to an abrupt stop causing his smoothie to fly out of hands and spill all over his pants. He looked up to find that only a couple of inches separated the Lamborghini from an old, beat-up truck in front of them in the road. Yunho eyes fixated on the two frightened children that were riding in the bed of the old truck, along with several cages full of startled chickens.

Jaejoong thrust his phone at Yunho. “Take it.”

Yunho took the phone and turned to look at the other man, who was trembling all over, horrified by what had almost happened. Instead of feeling sympathy, Yunho felt rage.

Jaejoong slowly passed the old truck and then gradually started picking up speed again.

“Not one word from you,” Jaejoong ordered. “Not one word!”

Yunho narrowed his eyes remembering the fear in the children’s eyes. He didn’t say one word as he lowered the passenger’s side window and flung Jaejoong’s phone out of it.

“You fucking didn’t just do that!” Jaejoong shrieked and did a quick u-turn in the road and pulled up on the roadside.

Yunho folded his arms across his chest. “But I did.”

Jaejoong swung his door open and got out of the car, while yelling, “You are such an asshole.”

“Takes one to know one!” Yunho yelled back at him.

The roadside was covered in tall grass that came up to Jaejoong’s knees. “I am never going to find it!”

Yunho grunted and said drily, “How will I ever live with myself.”

“You’re never going to get the chance to find out because I am going to kill you,” Jaejoong spat as he searched the high grass for his phone.

“Grumpy, grumpy,” Yunho muttered under his breath as he rolled up the window to drown out the sounds of Jaejoong cursing him in both Korean and Japanese.

He couldn’t hide his grin as he watched Jaejoong search through the tall grass. Almost as an after thought he pulled out his own phone and called his mom, “Mom…we are running late…no, don’t wait on us…I know the party is for us…we are fine…Jaejoong lost his phone…we will be there…is Kangin there—”

A tapping on the window had Yunho looking up to find a furious Jaejoong glaring down at him.

“Mom, I have to go…see you later…love you,” Yunho said, ending the call. Then he lowered the window and asked with fake sweetness, “Can I help you?”

“So we are on the side of the road.


“In my Lamborghini,” Jaejoong tried to say calmly.


“Our fans are going to hear about this.”

“Most likely.”

“They are going to be very curious about what I was looking for.”


“So curious that they will form search parties and come looking for it…even though they don’t know what they are looking for. Have you ever known our fans to fail at anything?”

Yunho’s smile faded. “Any chance that was a brand new phone?”

Now Jaejoong smiled. “Yes, it was the newest version, but I made sure to download all my old pictures and my favorite videos to it.”

“Fuck!” Yunho cursed as he got out of the car, slamming the door shut. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Because I wanted to!”

“What happened to leaving the past in the past?”

“I never said I would erase anything.”

Yunho kicked the front tire of the Lamborghini hard. “You should have never taken those pictures or filmed us to begin with!”

“Like I haven’t heard that before,” Jaejoong threw back at Yunho. “But sadly for you, you never objected at the time…no, you were all smiles and messy orgasms then.”

“You compromised us!”

“You compromised us—by throwing my fucking phone out the window!”

Yunho shook his head as he pulled out his own phone. “If we find it you are deleting it all.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Master Jung.”

“You are lying!”

“Yes, I’m lying! Now call my phone!”

An incensed Yunho shouted, “We promised we wouldn’t be like this!”

“We promised we wouldn’t be lovers anymore, and we aren’t!”

“Then why did you save it?”

“So I can get off!”

Yunho’s mouth fell open.

Jaejoong shrugged.

Yunho turned away from Jaejoong and started mumbling incoherently as he started calling Jaejoong’s phone.

Jaejoong covered his mouth trying to hide his laughter, loving that he was getting to the other man so easily.

“Are you sure it wasn’t on silent?” Yunho shouted in the distance as he combed through the grass.

Jaejoong, who was now walking through the grass listening for a ringing phone, snapped, “For somebody who is supposedly so smart you really are stupid.”

“You make me stupid!” Yunho yelled back at the man as he remembered how many times Jaejoong’s phone had gone off during the drive.

“It doesn’t take much effort!” Jaejoong shouted back at Yunho as a patrol car pulled up behind his Lamborghini. Jaejoong frowned. “This day just keeps getting better and better.”

Yunho, who was continuously calling Jaejoong’s phone, told the other man, “You keep looking, I will handle the cop.”

“I hope they don’t search my car. I’ve got some weed in the back,” Jaejoong said, nonchalantly.

“What? What the hell do you mean…you have weed in your car?” Yunho exclaimed, holding his arms out in disbelief.

Jaejoong looked at Yunho smugly and said slowly with exaggerated enunciation as if Yunho had a learning disability, “It…means…I…have…weed…in…my…car.”

“I hate you so much!”

“Not as much as I hate you.”

Yunho stormed over to Jaejoong and grabbed him by the arm. “You drive 300mph and you have weed in your car…did you suffer some brain injury I wasn’t aware of? Are you trying to ruin us?”

Jaejoong kept a completely straight face as he softly told Yunho, “It helps me with my sexual frustration.”

“You are screwing with me!” a glowering Yunho realized.

“Yeah, yeah, I am,” a smirking Jaejoong told Yunho. “It’s just too damn easy. I can’t help myself.”

Yunho yanked Jaejoong closer to him and whispered, “I know how much you miss my cock, but you need to try to get over it…you are starting to act like a clingy ex-girlfriend.”

Jaejoong snarled and broke free of Yunho and stumbled backwards.

“Truly pathetic,” Yunho mouthed to Jaejoong, proving that both of them could excel at being assholes. He then turned and walked toward the female officer that had gotten out of the police car.

“Sir, what seems to be the difficulty?” the female officer asked, trying hard to sound professional, but Yunho could see her hands trembling and her cheeks were flushed red.

“Officer, it was a random accident; I was using my friend’s phone and it just slipped out of my hands and went flying out the window,” Yunho calmly explained, recognizing a fan when he saw one.

The officer was in her late twenties, thin, and her hair was tied up in a bun. “Well, I would be happy to assist you in searching for it.”

“That won’t be necessary. I am sure we will find it.”

“Are you sure? I would love to help. I am more—” the officer stopped talking when she noticed the strawberry smoothie that was spilt all over Yunho’s pants. “You had more than one accident it seems.”

“Yeah, it has been one of those days.”

The officer’s eyes drifted to Jaejoong. “That’s Win…I mean Jaejoong…Kim Jaejoong; he’s very beautiful.”

“I’ll tell him you said so.”

She quickly looked back at Yunho and declared, “So are you…well, no you aren’t beautiful…but you are handsome, very handsome. I mean you are Yunho…you are my favorite. I might be a woman of the law, but it doesn’t mean I am blind to your…your considerable charms. You are so manly…” the officer paused to look Yunho up and down. “A real man…not some soft boy, but a hot blooded man. I bet you could take a woman and throw her up against a wall and just have your way with her.”

Yunho took a step back, after detecting more than a little crazy emanating from the female officer. “I should probably help him find his phone.”

“Oh, I think he already found it,” the officer told Yunho, pointing toward Jaejoong’s car.

“Really,” Yunho said, spinning around to find that Jaejoong was driving away. “Jaejoong!” Yunho yelled, rushing toward the moving vehicle.

Jaejoong’s only response was to stick his arm out the window and give Yunho the finger as he sped off.

“Just you and me now,” the officer told Yunho as she followed after him.

Yunho let out a whimper. “He’ll be back.”

“Are you sure? There seemed to be some friction between the two of you. Are you sure the phone accidentally flew out of the window?”

“Well, it might have had a little help,” Yunho admitted as he turned back around to face the officer. The company had given them extensive training on recognizing psychopaths after the kidnapping. Yunho was acutely aware that the number seven job that attracted psychopaths was police work.

“So I hear your new album is going to be a rock album.”

“That is just rumor for now.”

The officer smiled sincerely and suddenly she reminded him more of a fan girl than a serial killer. “I really hope the rumor is true. I really loved—oh look, I have back up,” the officer stated as another patrol car pulled up.

Yunho felt relieved as he watched the female officer walk up to the other car. He watched as an older male officer got out and greeted her. He let out a sigh of relief and lifted his phone up and called Jaejoong again. As soon as Jaejoong answered, Yunho asked, “Do you want to fuck?” He then quickly ended the call and turned off his phone.

“Young man, do you need a ride?” the older officer asked, walking toward Yunho.

“No, Sir,” Yunho answered, respectfully. “He will be back.”

The female officer looked doubtful. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Yunho said confidently.

“Do you mind signing an autograph for me while we wait?” She asked.

The older officer gave her a look of disapproval but Yunho quickly agreed, “I don’t mind at all.”

She quickly pulled out a notepad of tickets and a pen. “Signing a ticket is kinda strange, but it is all I have with me.”

“As long as I am not getting a ticket it’s fine. I assure you I have signed stranger things,” Yunho told her, taking the notepad and pen from her. “What would you like me to write?”

“Can you write, Minhee, thanks for the wonderful night we spent together?”

Yunho and the older officer both frowned and Yunho stated firmly, “No…No, I can’t write that.”

The female officer let out a little nervous giggle. “You can’t blame a girl for trying.”

“How about I write—” Yunho stopped abruptly as Jaejoong’s car suddenly appeared and came to screeching halt. Yunho smiled cockily and stated, “That’s my ride.”

Yunho quickly scribbling his name on the notepad and handed it back to the female officer before bowing to the both of them and thanking them for their assistance. He then quickly headed toward Jaejoong’s car.

He found the passenger’s door locked. He waited as Jaejoong lowered the window. He bent down and leaned into the car.

Jaejoong, who looked both hopeful and suspicious, vowed, “If you were lying to me I will run over you…and then I will back up and run over you again, and I don’t give a shit how many cops witness it.”

“I wasn’t lying.”

“Really?” A still skeptical Jaejoong, questioned.

“This is how I see it. We either have sex, or we are going to kill each other. I’d rather have sex than become a murderer or murder victim.”

Jaejoong unlocked the door. “If I wasn’t so fucking horny I would be offended.”

“You know I love your crazy ass,” Yunho said as he slid into the car.

“You are just as crazy as I am.”

“Yeah, I know,” Yunho agreed. “We are going to be an old, wrinkled gay couple with a bunch of cats someday; the shame of both our families.”

“I like cats,” Jaejoong replied defensively. “What pisses me off is Heechul will gloat.”

“Yep, he will, but I don’t give shit. Stop at the next gas station.”

“Bathroom stall sex?”

“Would you rather wait until after the party?”

“Hell, no,” Jaejoong answered as he slammed his foot down on the gas.


The male officer stared dumbfounded as the silver Lamborghini sped off at ungodly speeds right in front of him. “Who do they think they are, speeding like that?”

The female officer hugged herself and answered in a dreamy voice, “They are Jaejoong and Yunho from the Four Seasons and they are gods among men. I can’t believe I saw them up and close in the flesh…well, not so much Jaejoong, but Yunho was right in front of me. I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly, but I thought he might think I was a little squirrely.”

“The Four Seasons,” the male officer said, shaking his head. “I knew he seemed familiar…plus all the slobbering you were doing.”

“He is worthy of my slobber.”

“He seemed like a nice enough fellow,” the male officer observed. “He was very respectful.”

“He’s perfect. I know Yunho’s nickname is Spring—but it should have been Summer because he’s scorching hot.”

The male officer rolled his eyes. “What season was the other one? My daughter loves Winter.”

“Winter was the one driving,” the female officer told the other officer while giving him a comforting pat on the back.

The male officer groaned. “My daughter is going to kill me for not getting his autograph…my wife too.”

“Yep,” the female officer agreed. “You are in big trouble.”

“I guess if I pull them over for speeding, I could ask for an autograph in lieu of a ticket,” the male officer contemplated aloud.

“If you were in a jet you couldn’t catch that Lamborghini.”

The male officer nodded his head realizing the truth of her words. “I’m so dead.”

They turned to walk back to their respective vehicles but the female officer couldn’t stop rambling excitedly. “Heechul will be done with his civil service soon…and they will be touring again! I should have asked for tickets! Why didn’t I ask for tickets? If they do a rock tour again…my ovaries will explode!”
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