TFAN, Part 12

Title: The Fight About Nothing
Author: aquariuslover
Pairing: KyuWook
Rating: R
Genre: Friendship, Love
Beta: unicornsinger


Summary: This is a completely fictional tale about the thin line between love and friendship, and how easily that line can become blurred.



TFAN Chapters


Kyuhyun had no memory of falling asleep, but since he was waking up now, he must have slipped off to sleep at some time. How he had ever managed to sleep he didn’t know. He had taken the longest shower of his life last night and spent the rest of the night trying to decide if the greatest thing in the world had almost happened, or if he had been spared from making the biggest mistake of his life.

The smell of food was over powering, but he was going to be completely dressed before he left the room, he decided, as he flung off his pajamas, grabbed his clothes, and started putting them on quickly. He only paused for a second as he noticed the matching scratches on both sides of his waist from where…“Not going to think about that,” Kyuhyun whispered to himself as he finished with his shirt, doing his best to push that memory aside.

Kyuhyun left the bedroom and found his way to the kitchen. He took a big gulp of air before walking in, because the over powering smell of food only meant one thing.

“This is like the best morning ever!” Junho proclaimed from the head of the table. Food was piling up around him, and he couldn’t have looked happier. Kyuhyun did a double take as he saw container after container of food piled up on the cabinets. Ryeowook, who was facing away from him stirring something at the stove, must have been cooking all night.

“I have it all labeled: what is yours, what you have to bring to grandmother, and what is for the nurses who take care of her,” Ryeowook said, turning around. When he saw Kyuhyun, his face went completely red, and he turned back around to the stove quickly.

Kyuhyun, whose face was as red as Ryeowook’s, took a seat at the table next to Junho. Luckily for them, Junho was so immersed in eating a pasty that he was oblivious to the awkwardness and blushes.

“Is this cream cheese inside of this? It’s delicious. If you ever give up your singing career, you are always welcome here,” Junho said as he tore into another pastry. “Oh, good morning, I hope you’re hungry,” Junho told Kyuhyun with a mouth full of pastry, as he became aware of the man sitting next you him.

“I’m not hungry,” Kyuhyun told him with a sour look, as he noticed cream cheese dripping from the side of Junho’s mouth.

Kyuhyun jumped as Ryeowook set a plate of pancakes down in front of him. “Eat, and take these,” Ryeowook ordered as he set Kyuhyun’s morning medicine beside the plate, and then he was back in the kitchen before Kyuhyun could protest.

Kyuhyun picked up his pills, popped them in his mouth, and swallowed. He then picked up his fork and started on the pancakes. Pancakes were the one food he could never say no to. Ryeowook knew this, along with Sungmin, and it was the reason they were frequently served in the Super Junior dorms.

“Hey do you mind if I have some?” Junho asked, eyeing Kyuhyun’s plate of pancakes. Kyuhyun was about to point out to Junho that he already had enough food for ten people without eating Kyuhyun’s, too, when a plate of pancakes suddenly appeared in front of Junho.

“It’s like he can make food appear miraculously from thin air,” Junho said in pure wonder as he stuffed the syrup covered pancakes in his mouth.

“We have to be leaving soon. I have thirty minutes worth of work here that I have to finish, and then we have to be gone,” Ryeowook said to Kyuhyun, not looking at him.

“Okay,” Kyuhyun replied and finally found his nerve and looked up at Ryeowook, only to turn his eyes away instantly when he saw the red marks that he must have left on Ryeowook’s neck.

“Are you sure you couldn’t stay for lunch?” Junho asked hopefully.

*************************

Ryeowook knew he should be the adult and break the silence, but for the life of him, he didn’t know what to say. Kyuhyun had been strangely obedient this morning at the house. He had taken his medicine and eaten his breakfast without even one protest. The ride home had been very quiet with the bare minimum being said.
“Let us go over the rules since I agreed to them,” Kyuhyun said, breaking the silence, much to Ryeowook’s relief.

“Okay.”

“You said for rule one that you were never going to drink around me again, and you haven’t.”

“I also don’t think you should drink for awhile either. You tend to babble on and on,” Ryeowook added. “I can just imagine Sungmin’s face after one of your wine parties after you pour out your soul to him.”

“Okay, so I shouldn’t drink for awhile, and you can’t drink around me. So that will be the amended rule one,” Kyuhyun explained.

“Agreed.”

“Rule two said that we couldn’t do any kind of fan service with each other. We never really did fan service anyway. It was just how we normally were with each other slipping out,” Kyuhyun said, looking directly ahead, not taking his eyes off the road.

“True, but I still think we should stay as far apart from each other on stage as possible. The fans are super-observant, and I would rather have them think we weren’t close anymore than the truth,” Ryeowook told him as he examined his fingernails.

“You should really cut your nails,” Kyuhyun told Ryeowook suddenly, after sneaking a glance of the shorter man and finding him picking at a nail.

“What?” Ryeowook said turning to the other man, who was blushing.

“You got me really good with them. I have to be sure not to take my shirt off around Sungmin, or I will be answering fifty questions.”

“I would feel sorry for you, if I didn’t have to explain why I am going to be wearing turtle necks in the middle of the summer till these fade away,” Ryeowook said, pointing to his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun said, turning away quickly to put all his focus on driving.

“It’s okay lets get back to the rules,” Ryeowook said, eager to change the subject.

“We agree that rule two stands as it was. Umm…then there is rule three. I think - ” Kyuhyun stopped suddenly as his mind raced back to the night prior.

“That was a very important rule; I think I distinctly remember saying it could not be negotiated on, and look what happened. So we can never ever go anywhere near a bed if we are together; agreed. Agreed?” Ryeowook turned to look at Kyuhyun after the other never responded to him. The look on Kyuhyun’s face told Ryeowook exactly where Kyuhyun’s mind was. He slapped him hard on the arm. “Stop it.”

“What? I am watching the road.” Kyuhyun jumped in his seat startled back to reality.

“The hell you were,” Ryeowook accused.

Kyuhyun had the decency to turn even a darker shade of red. “Okay, so no bed. I also think we should consider no couches, recliners, floors, tables, counter tops, or any flat surface for that matter,” Kyuhyun added, helpfully.

“Are you messing with me, or are you being serious?” Ryeowook asked dumbfounded by the man’s suggestions.

“I’m being serious. We could have sex in all those places; believe me, I have thought about it. Well, I don’t mean I have thought about us in all those places - or maybe I have. I mean we could have sex again in all those places,” Kyuhyun stopped, suddenly, embarrassed.

“Kyuhyun, we didn’t have sex.”

“I know that.” Kyuhyun said, nodding his head in agreement.

“But you have had sex before. I know this because…”

“It might seem like I have lots of experience, but I really don’t. It was always awkward and uncoordinated before, and I let the girl take the lead. I don’t know what possessed me last night it was like pure instinct took over. I finally understand why people are so keen on sex,” Kyuhyun interrupted, eager to explain his performance last night.

Ryeowook totally ignored Kyuhyun as best he could and continued. “I know this because you have told me.”

“Oh, yes, I have had sex with different girls before, and I also let another one…I don’t understand your point,” Kyuhyun asked perplexed, trying his best to focus on the road in front of him.

“So stop acting like a sixteen year old virgin, and get a grip,” Ryeowook blurted out.

“I’m sorry if I can’t be as calm as you. I’ve never almost had sex with a man before!” Kyuhyun told him, mortified.

“You cannot possibly imagine how far from calm I am right now, but thinking about it isn’t going to help us. We just have to put it in a far corner of our mind and never ever go there again.”

“And that would be rule four,” Kyuhyun said with a sadness in his voice, which made Ryeowook flinch.

“Rule five should stand for now, too,” Ryeowook said, looking out the window at the passing scenery.

“I know it should, but it’s going to be so strange you not touching me. You always touch me.”

“It’s for the best.”

“I know that. I also know if you hadn’t stopped us…”

“Kyuhyun, rule four.” Ryeowook begged.

“The rules start after we get back. This is our only chance to talk about it. I know it can never happen again; if Junho had walked in on us…I just don’t want to imagine what would have happened.”

“It would not have been pretty.”

“No, it wouldn’t have been, and I don’t want anybody else ever walking in on us either. I know that my career would be over, my parents would be humiliated, and the company would probably hire an assassin, and my sister…well she would take a certain perverse pleasure in being right.” At the mention of his sister, Kyuhyun’s expression turned bitter.

“SM wouldn’t have us killed. They would just break our contracts and try to send us far, far away - probably Antarctica. Wait. Your sister knew?” Ryeowook asked, surprised.

“Not… exactly,” Kyuhyun said, not offering up more information.

“What does that mean?” Ryeowook inquired further, turning around to look at Kyuhyun closely.

“It really doesn’t matter,” Kyuhyun said uncomfortably.

“I think we are beyond the point of being embarrassed with each other.”

“She might have thought our relationship was suspect,” Kyuhyun admitted shyly.

“Did you tell your sister that I kissed you? You do know that e-mails can be hacked! I can’t believe you!” Ryeowook said completely shocked as he hit Kyuhyun on the arm again.

“Rule five!” Kyuhyun shot back at Ryeowook.

“The rules don’t start till we get back,” Ryeowook mimicked back at him.

“I didn’t tell her. She was just always making comments about us being too close. I knew what she was implying, even if I always tried to act ignorant of it,” Kyuhyun explained.

“We were too close, but most of us in the group are. We have to be, I mean you can’t do what we do and not be close.”

“Very true. I wonder if any of them have ever been in this situation before…if they had sex?” Kyuhyun wondered aloud. “I wouldn’t be too surprised if…”

“I highly doubt it, and we didn’t have sex!” Ryeowook interrupted.

“I know that! I just wish we had, or I wish we hadn’t done anything at all. I am a crazy mixture of wishes right now. You just don’t understand! I don’t know how you cannot think about it. How you can just stick it in a corner of your mind and ignore it?” Kyuhyun told Ryeowook, whose coolness was really starting to irritate him.

“I do understand. I was there and it was the opposite of unpleasant…”

“It was nice.”

“It could have been great,” Ryeowook admitted, looking at his hands and remembering the places they had touched, and could never touch again.

“Why was it like that? Was it because we have cared for each other so long, or is it because we are gay?”

Ryeowook’s eyes went huge as he took a minute to think of how he should respond to that question. “We are very comfortable with each other, so there wasn’t any awkwardness about it, so that probably played a big part in why it came so easily.”

“Are we in love?” Kyuhyun asked hesitantly.

“We do love each other, but we love all the members,” Ryeowook began to explain. “So of course…”

“You might love all the members enough to have sex with them, but I sure as hell don’t,” Kyuhyun said in disbelief after hearing Ryeowook’s words.

“If you would let me finish, I would say that our feelings are different. We have always been more complicated than that, there’s more bite to how we feel about each other,” Ryeowook said, subconsciously rubbing his neck.

“I love you a lot. There isn’t anything complicated about that.”

“It is complicated, just because you love somebody doesn’t mean you are in love with them. You would have never questioned if you were in love with me if I hadn’t kissed you,” Ryeowook pointed out to him.

“You don’t know that.”

“I am pretty sure that if I had controlled myself, then none of this would be happening now.”

“Okay, so you are convinced that I just love you, without being in love with you. What about you? You said that you have been fighting your feelings for me for years,” Kyuhyun reminded Ryeowook, not seeing the other man’s discomfort.

“I probably am in love with you, and have been for a long time. It is complicated, though, because it’s all wrapped up in the role I have taken of looking out for you and caring for you. I love you more then I should; I do know that,” Ryeowook admitted staring out the window, not looking at Kyuhyun.

“So you are gay then?”

“I have questioned my sexuality before, and I have come to the conclusion that there is definitely gayness about me, but I decided a long time ago to never act on it. You might have noticed how I utterly failed at that,” Ryeowook pondered, sadly looking out the window and avoiding those eyes that wanted too many answers.

“I have never thought I was gay…well till last night. I find myself questioning everything now. I get extremely jealous if you pay any attention to anybody else. I want to punch Luna in the face.”

“That doesn’t mean you are gay. It does mean you are selfish, but we knew that,” Ryeowook said lovingly as he his gaze never left the passing scenery.

“There have been times when you touch me, that I responded…that I got aroused,” Kyuhyun said, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

“I know.”

“You knew?” Kyuhyun groaned, ducking his head and hitting it against the steering wheel, totally humiliated.

“Stop it! Knocking yourself unconscious is only going to kill us both,” Ryeowook warned. “Don’t even think of being embarrassed. It doesn’t mean you are gay. It just means you really like a massage, who doesn’t? Most men respond to touch; it has nothing to do with love or being gay.”

“I have had a few…I guess you would call them gay dreams. I mean not a lot, and I have crazy dreams anyways. You were in all of them - well, except for one,” Kyuhyun admitted.

“Who?” Ryeowook asked turning to face Kyuhyun, his eyes narrowing against his best intentions.

“It was Jaejoong, and it was after the SM Family Concert a couple years ago,” Kyuhyun admitted, sinking farther down in his seat.

“JaeJoong doesn’t count; everybody has inappropriate dreams about him.”

“Really?” Kyuhyun asked, relieved.

“People dream crazy, insane things. You can’t label yourself gay because of dreams. I mean did you wake up thinking you were gay?”

“No, I usually woke up wishing I hadn’t drunk the night before or eaten so late. Like I said, I never thought I was gay.”

“That’s your answer, then. I think you just need to think of last night as an experiment that went a little off-course, no harm done. You aren’t gay,” Ryeowook told him confidently.

Kyuhyun seemed to think about Ryeowook’s words for several minutes as they continued down the road, but suddenly he slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road.

After the car had stopped he turned in his seat and grabbed Ryeowook’s hand and asked, “Okay, I’m not gay. What a great relief. So why then…why then do I want to grab you, kiss you, and finish what we started last night more than anything I have ever wanted before?”

Ryeowook leaned as far away from Kyuhyun as he could without actually getting out of the car. “Probably because you can’t, and you always want what you can’t have.”

“I want you,” Kyuhyun told him bluntly, causing the other man to squirm in his seat.

“You can’t have me. We don’t live in that kind of world…”

“I know we don’t. I know that we could destroy everything that we hold dear. But if we lived in a world that didn’t judge or destroy what it didn’t understand…then I would be with you,” Kyuhyun told him, still holding his hand.

Ryeowook took Kyuhyun’s other hand and told him gently, “Sadly we don’t live in that kind of world. You will be judged, your whole family will be judged, and Super Junior will be judged.”

“I am pretty sure that my parents will always love me, and I know that you don’t have that certainty with yours, but at least we would have mine.”

“This isn’t about them loving you. It’s about what we would put them through. How could they go back to work, be with their friends, or how could they even go back to church? Do you think the media would leave them out of it? The netizens alone would make their life hell.”

“I don’t know why you are so convinced it would get out? I think you overestimate our popularity,” Kyuhyun told him, still holding on to his hands tightly.

“Yesterday you accused me of overestimating our attraction and I think you know how that turned out,” Ryeowook told him knowingly.

“So what do we do? I want to be with you. I don’t know if some fear of what might happen in the future is enough to keep me from acting on that want,” Kyuhyun told him truthfully.

“I want you too…more then you know. I just don’t want that life for you. You are so talented, your future is so bright, and I want to protect you from anything ugly ever touching you,” Ryeowook told him painfully as he half attempted to pull his hands away, but instead he just turned his head, looking away.

Kyuhyun let go of one of Ryeowook’s hands and reached up and turned Ryeowook’s face back to where he could look him in the eye. “You are not ugly.”

Ryeowook smiled sadly at Kyuhyun. “If I lost everything, if my career went crashing into the toilet, I would then move to a little town, become a cook at a local restaurant, and play the piano and sing whenever I could…I could do it. I would hate it, but I would survive. I don’t think you would.”

Kyuhyun leaned over and kissed Ryeowook softly on the lips before pulling away, letting go of the kiss and Ryeowook’s hand. “I know that everything you have said is true, but it’s just so unfair.”
Kyuhyun and Ryeowook should seriously just get rid of the tension already. I'm getting eager just reading it lol (not in the wrong way of course!) Hopefully Ryeowook would give in soon ^^
hey...u updated im happy!!! im checking LJ all week because of your fic *stalker*
after reading this...THE LAST SCENE MADE ME CRY!!! its just so hopeless...it breaks my heart...the way wookie said "If I lost everything if my career went crashing into the toilet. I would then move to a little town become a cook at a local restaurant and play the piano and sing whenever I could…I could do it. I would hate it, but I would survive. I don’t think you would.”---> this was so touching...he was out there controlling his feelings because it has always been kyuhyun that he was thinking about...awwwwwwwwwwwww.....

this part made me...i dunno sheesh...spazz...
""“Are we in love?” Kyuhyun asked hesitantly.""---> WHOA!!!!! Kyu!!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES YOU GUYS ARE IN LOVE!!!

and this...
""But if we lived in a world that didn’t judge or destroy what it didn’t understand, then I would be with you.” Kyuhyun told him still holding his hand."---> I LOVE THESE LINES...its just so ROMANTIC and touching and all kinds of awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....and just imagine CHO KYUHYUN saying that to you????? OH MY GOSH....wookie how can u just say no to that???!!!
I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH BECAUSE OF HOW THEIR DIALOGUES ARE SO FLOWING...LIKE IT'S REALLY NATURAL..I LOVE THE BITS OF ROMANCE WITHOUT BEING TO FLUFFY AND THE HINT OF SPITE THAT COMES WITH IT MAKES IT VERY INTERESTING ^^ (oh my gosh did i just gave an all caps comment? *checks*...OH YEAH I DID!!!!) that's how i loooooooooooooooooove your fic so much ^^ thanks for writing this!!! *hands you truckloads of cookies*







I am so glad you stalk my story! I love feedback and I really love this feedback! This made my day. If you hadn't friended me I would have totally friended you!

I hope future parts don't disappoint you. Thanks for reading!
Too short, too shortm too short!! TT____TT
Actually it's not, you, 12 pages in word are a lot, but it just seems too short for me..~~ Everyday I've been checking your journal and today there was an update! You can't imagine my happiness kinda like: " Omo omo omo, TFAN has updated, today is going to be a goooood day!" Srsly, I 've been thinking that! oo And than I got an email from my boyfriend.. Hihi.. You ff make people happy, at least me! :]
So, why this charpter was definitely to short, weel.. you know, none of the good things are lasting long.. just like summer vacation or stuff like that.. :')
And this chapter was definitely one on those things!
so.. Heartbreaking but so romantic.. I just can't wait for the nex chapter! ♥
Thanks a lot, btw :)
You know it won't let me post much more that, and it really annoys me. I gotta space my dialogue and I can't have it all crammed together(pet peeve)....so it really eats up the space.

Ignore that, I could complain all day.LOL

Thanks so much for reading my story. I really love feedback so you returned the happiness!
Sexual tension again! Argh you're killing me! Kyuwook needs to get it together! D:<<<

Love, love, loveeee this soooo much! <333 I love their gay discussion and how Ryeowook was trying to convince Kyuhyun he wasn't, lol. Epic. Bonus for the mentions of Jaejoong and SMTown having wet dreams about him, lol.

So glad Kyuhyun was bold enough to kiss Ryeowook again. I'm hoping he'll be bold enough to make more advancement on convincing Ryeowook that they're meant to be.

I love how this fic makes me feel and think ^^ Love your writing sooo much! Kyuhyun being all insecure is sooo precious <333 asdfghjklsdsjalksd update soon!
I will never forget that fancam of Jae and Kyu at SMTown....I was shocked. If KyuWook do that in LA...I will die. LOL

I can't thank you enough for reading! Thanks for the wonderful feedback you always give!
Finally!!yehey!!hehehe..i've been going about everyday in the community just to see this updated..what took you so long?*pouts cutely*but i'm so glad it's finally updated..thank you so much..mwaaah..i'm loving the way they keep fighting off their feelings..hahaha
I'm sorry I was so slow! A very wise person made me wait till Friday. I was updating faster then I was being able to write. Then next parts will be much faster...well the next two!

Thanks so much for reading!!!!
they both want each other TT^TT why can't they just be together?
lol kidding. if that's the case then this fic wouldn't exist.
and i super love your fic :3

Kyuhyun kissed Ryeowook again without asking for permission and Wookie not opposing. Should i be happy? but it breaks my heart they can't be together :S

be waiting for the next chapter <3
Angst I love it, be warned!!! LOL

KyuWook kisses should make everybody happy, even if they aren't real.

Thanks so much for reading my story!
OH YEAH FINALLY IT'S UPDATED~~~~ *throw confetti*
I know we don’t. I know that we could destroy everything that we hold dear. But if we lived in a world that didn’t judge or destroy what it didn’t understand, then I would be with you. -> what a great confession. I means so much I can't find words to described how touching it is to me TT_TT
“If I lost everything if my career went crashing into the toilet. I would then move to a little town become a cook at a local restaurant and play the piano and sing whenever I could…I could do it. I would hate it, but I would survive. I don’t think you would.” -> so sad TT__TT. I wanna cry for Ryeo for not having enough attention.
I like their conversation. How natural it is. And how blunt they are. You're always brilliant with conversations. It feels so real I can't even tell. Long story short, I FREAKING LOVE THIS >__<
Hope to see more updates from you XD. Happy writing~~~
Oh, and I’m being serious. We could have sex in all those places believe me I have thought about it. Well, I don’t mean I have thought about “us” in all those places, or maybe I have. I mean we could have sex again in all those places., you really get me LOL girl. pervy!Kyu is... =))
i think this is your best chap yet. i'm sorry for ninja-ing but i've been watching out for updates and reading like a greedy kid without commenting. XD keep it up, it's awesome. ;)
my first ever LJ comment. LOL
i have been reading a lot of LJ fics in the past 2 months, but this is actually the first time i am commenting. first of all, i love this fic. that's because somehow i could feel every bit of the awkwardness, and every blush, and every confusion (if the last 2 bit could ever be felt, but, yeah), and the (gay) conflict almost made me cry. i would never know if kyuhyun nor ryeowook would have this sort personality in real life, but how you wrote their individuality seem so real that i almost believed this is how they would act in this sort of situation. hahahahahaha i sound so emo, but this is what i really think about the story. i've read only 2 fics (yours included) where suju characters were conflicted over giving in or ignoring their feelings just because it's so morally wrong. lol so there. the bottom line is, i love your fic, and i am also in love with it. so this: "...just because you love somebody doesn’t mean you are in love with them..." had me reeling because i had the same discussion with my ex-boyfriend before, and this is so true. hahaha i have been stalking your fic for a week, too, and this update made my dreary day. now i can go on checking more papers for midterms with more enthusiasm. lol take care! i'll be looking forward to the next update. i hope it's soon, but no pressure. :)
Re: my first ever LJ comment. LOL
When I woke up this morning I saw all these nice comments and I had this huge grin on my face....you can not possibly imagine. I know you should just write because you love it and not for feedback........but feedback is nice.

Your first LJ comment ever, then I am deeply honored and so glad you replied.

I don't think it's morally wrong, but I am not sure how you could write a story that was kinda based on reality...without addressing that fact. I'm an angst lover though.

Thanks so much for reading!
it is.. IT IS!!!! so unfaiiiir T_____T

waaaaaahh kyuwoook! this tension!!! waaaaaah i feel for both of them and i love how they both want to face it differently and it's almost a u and me against the world love story <3
Gawd i love you for describing Ryeowook's feeling in here. This is so true, he didn't get much attention in Suju T__T.

Love this chapter so much, i'm laughing, thinking, and also crying for ryeowook and kyuhyun.

Thank you for always sharing &hearts
He really doesn't get nearly as much attention as he deserves, and I hope that changes. Super Junior wouldn't be Super Junior without his amazing vocals.

Thanks so much for reading TFAN!
As Always!!
Great,but feel sad that they want to follow all the rule...
They always be the perfect couple..hehehe
Thanks for sharing this and saranghae unnie..
Hwaiting!! ^~^
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ilu so much for this update! kyu's just so stubborn but i love it so much LOL and wookie, just try~ dont be too pessimistic baby T_T

thankyou for cheering up my mood. saranghaeeee ^^ hwaiting!